‘Text me when you’re home safe’: How a sweet text is a sinister reminder of Australia’s crisis

Shortly after my friend leaves, shutting the door to my apartment, I pick up my phone and send a message I’ve sent 1000 times: “Text me when you’re home safe.”

I have been sending this message for more than a decade. I’m in my 30s and will probably keep sending it for the rest of my life.

It’s also probably the same message that Audrey Griffin, whose body was found in Erina Creek in late March, received before her death.

Audrey Griffin (right) was allegedly murdered after a night out with friends in Gosford. Her mother, Kathleen Kirby (left), says she was let down by the justice system.

Griffin, just 19 years old, had been celebrating a new chapter of her life with friends at a pub in Gosford. Unable to get an Uber, she started walking home, hoping to hail a taxi.

Griffin’s mother said her friends raised the alarm within an hour of her leaving the pub after not hearing from her.

Her body was found the next afternoon in the water. Adrian Noel Torrens, 53, who did not know her, was yesterday charged with her murder.

The “text me when you’re home safe” message is one that any woman who grew up in the era of mobile phones is used to seeing and sending.

The text says everything we don’t want to say out loud.

“I hope that man isn’t still lingering around the station.” “I hope there aren’t crowds of drunken men spilling from a pub.” “I hope you don’t get the same dodgy Uber driver I had last week.” “I hope your path home is well lit.”

It’s the same way we demand screenshots of the dating profiles of the men our friends are meeting, or descriptions of our friends’ outfits.

Most of it comes from a place of love and curiosity, to help us picture the scene when our friends retell the story in vivid detail later. But another part of us asks for the details because we know we may need them if our friend fails to respond to that ever-important text.

In 2024, 79 women were killed by violence – the highest count in nine years, according to Counting Dead Women Australia. There have been 14 deaths this year so far.

In NSW, they include Griffin and Thi Kim Tran, who was allegedly kidnapped from her Bankstown home in front of two children and forced into a car at gunpoint. A body believed to be hers was found in a burnt-out car. Both women were allegedly murdered by men they didn’t know.

Thi Kim Tran was abducted from her Sydney home and found dead in a burnt-out car.Credit: Facebook

There’s something our “text me when you’re home” message doesn’t say: “Tell me that you’re safe at home”. For women, the home is often more dangerous than the streets.

Domestic violence continues to climb in Australia. On average, a woman is killed every 11 days and a man every 91 days by an intimate partner, according to the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare.

In NSW last year, almost half of all homicides were related to domestic and family violence, according to the Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research. The rate of domestic violence-related assault continues to climb, exceeding 38,000 incidents in 2024, up from 32,000 in 2020.

Meanwhile, the news is full of the gory details: This month, a coronial inquest revealed how Lilie James’ life was taken by a man with whom she had recently broken off a relationship. Details of Mackenzie Anderson’s death are being rehashed after her former boyfriend Tyrone Thompson – previously jailed for assaulting her – pleaded guilty to her murder.

This week marked the anniversary of the death of Molly Ticehurst, allegedly murdered by her former partner, Daniel Billings, two weeks after he was released on bail for sexually assaulting her.

Prime Minister Anthony Albanese has labelled violence against women as a “national crisis”. But only now, four weeks into a five-week election campaign, has it rated a mention by either major party, with Labor spruiking its previous plans and the Coalition teasing an announcement.

In the hour-long debate hosted by ABC, domestic violence and violence against women failed to rate a mention.

There is progress in addressing the crisis: NSW introduced landmark coercive control laws last year, helping victims identify patterns of abuse.

New data from BOCSAR released today also shows police took legal action for domestic violence-related assault at higher rates than ever in 2023.

We don’t talk about these brutal statistics at drinks. We’re all aware of the reality, but we don’t want to dampen the mood.

Until we figure out how to quell the crisis, millions of women will keep virtual watch on one another, disguising hideous facts with cute check-ins and live location updates.

We know the sinister driver behind it. We’re not saying goodnight. We’re saying, “I’m safe. Today, I am not a statistic.”

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