‘You’re competing with so many others’: Inside the weird world of rental speed-dating

“We are seeking someone mature (25+), tidy, and looking to make a long-term home,” reads a recent post in a Sydney housing Facebook group with more than 88,000 members.

The post, which has dozens of likes and comments, continues: “We are pro-Palestinian liberation, and queer, SW [sex worker], and neuro-spicy [neurodivergent] friendly, so maybe don’t apply if you’re not okay with those things.”

Long lines outside inspections have become a fixture of Sydney’s rental market, but for those looking to find or fill a room on an existing lease, a stranger phenomenon has emerged.

Outgoing housemate Julia de Sterke with current housemates Vicky Lee, Shanky Yip and Melissa Monroe in their Newtown sharehouse.Credit: Janie Barrett

Gen Z and millennials have forgone the classified ads and community noticeboards used by their parents, turning instead to Facebook pages catering to particular social groups and suburbs to find the perfect housing match.

It’s a perilous form of share-house speed-dating that participants say the housing crisis has only worsened.

For Vicky Lee, the process is all too familiar. The 26-year-old has used Facebook to fill a room in her share house three times in as many years, most recently to replace long-term housemate Julia in the run-up to Christmas. She posted in several groups, including “INNER EAST & WEST HOUSEMATES”, which has about 55,000 members and hundreds of posts a month.

Alongside tastefully curated photos, her post lays out the $340 a week room in a house on a “cosy, quiet street” in Newtown with housemates who love “hanging out, going to marrickville markets on sundays [sic] and cooking”, but also “respect each other’s space for downtime!” – a typical warning to deter needy newcomers.

Twenty admirers were whittled down to six for inspections, with incoming housemate Melissa receiving the final rose.

Lee, who has also used dedicated shared accommodation platform Flatmates.com.au, prefers Facebook because it allows for a quick “vibe check” when deciding who to invite around.

“It’s the benefit of being able to suss someone’s profile and see if you have mutuals [mutual friends],” she said. “We’ve lived together for three years, so it’s quite important for us to find someone who fits the energy of the house.”

For Lee and her housemates, there’s an obvious parallel with online dating. “It’s really hard to know someone based on 10 to 15 minutes,” she admitted.

Outgoing housemate Julia de Sterke chimed in: “It’s similar questions. It’s like, ‘What do you like? What do you dislike?’”

But Lee said the rental crisis had put pressure on making a commitment quickly, to avoid covering the cost of an empty room in addition to their own – already challenging – rental payments.

“We originally advertised it for $380, and then we dropped the price later because we wanted to get someone in as soon as we could.”

The picture which Merrick Horam, 23, used alongside his profile post in several Facebook housing groups.Credit:

Lee is not alone in her fears. In Flatmates.com.au’s recent annual survey of its users, the largest proportion of whom live in NSW, 56 per cent reported struggling to pay their rent. Sydney remains Australia’s most expensive city for renters. Median house rents rose 1.5 times faster in the three months to September than the previous three quarters, according to Domain’s most recent report, to a record $775 a week.

For would-be housemates, finding a room online can be just as fraught. Merrick Horam recently moved back to Sydney, after studying in Bathurst, to start work at a charity in the eastern suburbs. Before he found his dream share-house last month, he was living at home in western Sydney, commuting three and a half hours a day.

Horam couldn’t afford to rent an entire apartment, instead spending several months searching for a shared rental closer to work.

His post to several Facebook groups kept it simple: “23-year-old male working full-time in Sydney, looking to move into [insert area].” He also replied to ads. For every five or six messages he sent, he would get one back.

“It sort of brings out a sense of desperation,” Horam said, “when you’re sending the same messages over and over again, trying to really sell yourself.

“You’re not showing people the true person you are … you’re competing with so many other people to prove that you’re, like, the best possible candidate.”

Demand for affordable rooms in desirable locations can be through the roof. Sophie, whose surname has been withheld, has posted rooms in her inner Sydney share-house online six times in the past 18 months. A room in December led to 40 messages; an ad last autumn generated 180.

“You actually see how the market shifts,” she said. “These are people ranging in age from about 19 to 35, all experiencing the same issue where there’s just no supply.” Faced with so many applicants, she and her housemates resorted to ranking responses in a spreadsheet.

Much like a dating profile, posts and private messages will outline the personal qualities and interests of houses and tenants. When 22-year-old Rachel Sloan recently posted about a room in her three-bed Kingsford apartment, she even included her star sign.

“It’s 100 per cent just a weird form of platonic online dating,” she said. “It just involves sharing bills, instead of sharing a bed.”

It is common to see rooms offered exclusively for women or members of the LGBTQ community. Sloan advertised her room for women, saying it made her feel safer given the brief vetting process.

For Lee, using Facebook to find housemates is a necessary risk in order to hold on to a beloved share house in a challenging rental market. Credit: Janie Barrett

For Lee, using Facebook is a necessary risk to hold on to a beloved share house during a rental crisis. Her last shared rental with Julia, referred to as the “swamp house”, had mould and visible fungus on the walls. They stayed there an extra six months while struggling to find somewhere better.

“We would turn up for some inspections, and the line would go around the corner, and there would be cracks in the wallpaper,” she said.

Share-house speed-dating has only backfired once for Lee, when someone who sublet a room didn’t live up to their first impression.

“When we met this person, it seemed pretty normal, we had lots of common interests,” Lee said. “I don’t know what happened.”

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