John Glaister of Buderim (Qld) writes: “My son Ben was recently asked by nine-year-old daughter Mia, ‘Is Santa real?’ followed by a sly, knowing look. Mental turmoil followed for Ben, who said ‘I’m not sure’ and then ‘No’. Mia responded: ‘Mum said he is’ and ‘I Googled at what age do parents tell their children that Santa is not real and it said 8.’ Ben replied: ‘Don’t you tell (six-year-old) Ivy’ and bribed Mia with ice cream. Santa’s beer and carrot for Rudolph appear at risk in one household.“
“I still think the best/worst misheard Christmas lyric (C8) is ’Round John Virgin, mother and child,′ says George Zivkovic of Northmead.
Liz Ellis of Armidale is the latest C8 Putin poet (C8):
A puffed-up dictator named Putin,
Dispatches his rivals by shootin’.
But one day the masses,
Will get off their asses,
And to Putin they’ll all put the boot in.
“At least Mark Southcott (C8) got himself a good night’s sleep before the cicadas at dawn,” says Judith Sutton of Banora Point. “He should hear cane toads courting until the early hours, their thrumming like a rally of motorboats making sleep impossible. One of science’s greatest mistakes was introducing these creatures in Australia.”
“While trying to find ‘cackleberries’, ‘bum nuts’ and ‘hen fruit’ (C8), one should also endeavour to keep clear of the ‘barker’s eggs’ that seem to proliferate in many dog walking environs,” suggests Steve Semple of Port Macquarie. Ann Thomas agrees and advises that “there is no shortage” in Balmain.
“The mention of eggs as ‘bum nuts’ reminded me of the exchange with someone who enjoyed eating brains,” notes Barry Lamb of Eastwood. “‘Goodness! I couldn’t eat something that came out of the head of a sheep!’ said the one. To which the other enquired: ‘Do you like eggs?’”
John Swanton of Coogee observes that “there appears to be a rekindled trend from years gone by for some drivers (male, naturally) to drive with their right arm hanging down the outside of the door. I can’t imagine the need for this unless they forgot to use deodorant, and they’re trying to reduce the smell factor. Any other clues from readers?”
“My face cleanser boasts that it contains ‘five per cent filet of aloe vera’,” notes Jennie Curtin of Blackheath. “Left me wondering how you filet an aloe vera, and which five per cent is squished into the bottle.”
Column8@smh.com.au
No attachments, please.
Include name, suburb and daytime phone.