Emma’s husband was a first-time DV offender. Her experience told a different story

Emma’s husband of six years was angry she was on her phone.

It was, apparently, an excuse to strike her across the face.

“He hit me and then knocked me to the ground,” Emma* said, “and I remember looking at our brown rug, just thinking, ‘What the hell just happened?’

“Then he grabbed my hair and pulled me along the floor. I was crying out for him to stop.”

When he did snap out of his alcohol-fuelled rage, he stared intently at Emma as he held a clump of her hair.

Then flowed the apologies, grovelling, gifts and promises to never do that again. He said he didn’t know what came over him.

Emma, whose identity the Herald has chosen to protect, believed him.

They shared two children and she didn’t want their lives to change. She never reported the crime to police. They stayed together for two more years.

When she said she was leaving him, he hit her again, giving her a black eye. This time, she reported it to police. Her ex-husband is before the courts.

She recalled: “I thought, ‘I can’t let him get away with it this time.’ For two years, I believed he wasn’t an abuser but just had a moment of weakness. I felt stupid for trusting he wouldn’t hurt me again.”

Emma is far from alone in not reporting every act of domestic violence, and her ex-husband is far from alone in facing court as a “first-time offender” despite the likelihood there is a very different reality.

Exclusive data from the NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research reveals most people found guilty of domestic violence crimes last year had no prior convictions for DV-related offences in the previous five years.

Analysis of 22,822 proven DV-related charges in 2023 found about 60 per cent involved people who had no record of recent offending, where the most serious charge concerned domestic violence.

About three-in-four conviction rates for DV-related assault, property damage and murder were of offenders with no recent prior DV convictions. For stalking and intimidation charges (DV), about 65 per cent of offenders had no recent history.

The only category where cases involving people with previous charges outnumbered those with no recent history was for breach of violence orders, where more than two out of three had been found guilty between 2018 and 2022.

Cases of horrific alleged offending by men with no proven history of domestic violence have shaken Sydney in recent weeks.

On July 7, a 28-year-old man allegedly set fire to his Lalor Park home in Sydney’s west while his partner and her seven children were inside. Two boys, aged three and six, and a baby girl were killed in the blaze.

The alleged Lalor Park killer and one of his children, who died in the fire.Credit: Facebook

The man allegedly attacked his partner first, beginning in the bedroom, before the entire home was set on fire. Witnesses told police the father blocked the children inside the house as it burnt, stopping their attempts to run for safety.

Police said it was “highly unusual” that the man was not known to police except for minor traffic and tax violations.

Two days after the alleged Lalor Park murder, another man with no known DV history allegedly stabbed his 21-year-old girlfriend to death in Kingswood, near Penrith.

Nunia Kurualeba, who was described by loved ones as kind and having had many friends, was found with two stab wounds to her chest in the unit she lived in with her alleged killer, 21-year-old Jeremaia Tuwai. Flatmates raised the alarm.

Tuwai was charged with DV murder and did not apply for bail when facing court.

Jeremaia Tuwai (left) was charged with the fatal stabbing of his partner, Nunia Kurualeba (right).Credit: Facebook

Domestic violence crisis ‘not a quick fix’

Elise Phillips, the deputy CEO of peak services body DVNSW, said research showed victim-survivors do not report domestic violence because they believe they can handle it on their own, or that their experience is not serious enough to be worth reporting.

“Other barriers to reporting include not knowing the incident was a crime, shame, cultural or language barriers as well as fear of police and legal processes,” she said.

“All the reasons and research into under-reporting point to the dire need for better community education and a properly resourced service system when it comes to domestic and family violence.”

Describing domestic violence as highly complex and nuanced, Phillips said police must continue to be trained in its complexities, including abuse that is not only physical.

“Perpetrator accountability continues to be important across the criminal justice system,” she said. “We need to flip the lens from protecting the rights of the perpetrator to the safety of the victim-survivor.

“With this in mind, education and training continue to be a priority for those assessing domestic violence cases. Education and documentation on what domestic violence looks like is critical to successful convictions – especially for coercive control, which is present in 97 per cent of intimate partner homicides.”

This month, coercive control became a stand-alone DV offence in NSW.

Stressing that conviction rates do not always equate to safety, Phillips called for a justice system that was more trauma-informed and supportive of victim-survivors. She also nominated better long-term housing solutions so victim-survivors feel safe to leave situations of violence.

“We want better education to stop the violence before it starts,” she said.

“This is not a quick fix – its cultural change that requires the investment of time and money from both state and federal governments.”

Support is available from the National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service at 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).

*Emma is not her real name