A child abuser taught Nikki to not resist. Boxing helped her confront her trauma

As a young child groomed by a sexual abuser, Nikki learned not to react to assault, or even to speak, and that she must never show resistance.

She considers herself among the more fortunate of child abuse survivors because her parents believed her when she told them in grade 5, aged nine or 10, that a now-dead grandfather had abused her when she was left with him at a farm in country Victoria.

Nikki (left) and Left Write Hook program founder Donna Lyon.Credit: Joe Armao

But even after 20 years of psychological therapy, Nikki, who does not want her surname published, could not speak about what had happened to her because it flooded her with distress.

“My paternal grandfather had a minimum of 10 other victims, over multiple generations; he was very good at manipulating people into silence and inaction,” she says. “I could not talk about things, or fight back, or take action. You had to sort of freeze, and that was where a lot of the trauma flowed from.”

Her grandfather’s conditioning was so effective that she was unable to communicate how the harrowing experience left her feeling, even when prompted to.

“I remember a therapist being like, ‘Get angry, tip over the chair!’, and I gently laid it on its side because I was taught not to show aggression,” she says.

Nikki says boxing helped her connect with the trauma of what happened.Credit: Joe Armao

When Nikki, 33, joined a ground-breaking new child sexual abuse recovery program created in Melbourne, based out of a boxing gym in Melbourne’s west, she “couldn’t even punch the bag without getting distressed”.

Now, after completing a series of creative writing and boxing sessions with the Left Write Hook program, designed by fellow child sexual abuse survivor and boxer Donna Lyon, Nikki has felt “a genuinely life-saving shift”.

“I went from being like a small child trying to hit things and being like, ‘I’m so weak’, to being ‘actually, I’m an adult, and I am quite strong’.”

Lyon devised the program as a mixed-methods research project, to recruit and work with survivors over eight weeks and have their progress measured by a psychologist and gender issues expert.

Survivors who have completed Left Write Hook say it has changed their lives.Credit: Joe Armao

The published assessment found “improvements in PTSD symptoms, wellbeing, and general symptoms of depression, anxiety, and stress”.

Lyon was not surprised by the huge, positive effect the pilot was able to produce – a filmed record of which was made by her colleague, director and film and television lecturer Shannon Owen. The documentary is showing at the Melbourne International Film Festival.

For Lyon, Left Write Hook is personal. “Boxing has become a metaphor for my recovery and my life as a survivor,” she wrote in the research report.

“The positive effect that boxing has had on me, in terms of my overall health and wellbeing, has been phenomenal. I have met many other women like me and I have a strong desire to share stories of recovery, empowerment and hope, using writing and … boxing to aid this.”

Donna Lyon says boxing has helped her meet child sexual abuse survivors like her.Credit: Joe Armao

Lyon believes the “active mindfulness” element of the sport allows survivors to connect with long-held emotions and articulate them safely.

“Even though you may not be comfortable, you’re hitting and you’re moving and expressing. There’s a flow and an energy, and a rhythm that begins to come naturally, and over time, it leads to being more empowered.”

She has established a registered charity and spoken with philanthropists, hoping to expand the program to meet demand. The program’s therapeutic impact is being assessed by University of Melbourne clinical psychologist and researcher Dr Caitlin Hitchcock, who is overseeing a randomised controlled trial over two years.

Lauren, 31, was part of the pilot group and says the combination of creative expression and physical release provided a dramatic improvement on previous therapy.

“The progress I’ve made in two years of this project has been more than I’d made over the last 15 years, and I’d been ... in medical treatment for a long time,” she said.

Julie, 57, had never met another child sexual abuse victim-survivor before being persuaded to sign up for Left Write Hook. “Boxing and writing has helped me become a different person,” she said.

“I feel stronger, and I actually feel proud that the program gave me the confidence to go to police and report. The police were wonderful, my abusers know they were caught and that people know about them, so for me that’s a win.”

Left Write Hook is screening in Melbourne and regionally as part of the Melbourne International Film Festival. The film has a national cinema release in October.

Support is available from the National Sexual Assault, Domestic Family Violence Counselling Service at 1800RESPECT (1800 737 732).