Most marriages are one move away from disaster, even the perfect fairytale ones

Far out, Prince Frederik must feel like he’s been on a bad Hot Tub Time Machine trip right now. One minute he’s the world’s most married man, the next, photos of his day and night in Spain with a woman not his wife – reality star Genoveva Casanova, yes, so excellent – are what we in the biz call splashed everywhere.

If every picture tells a story, the narrative here is the prince and the showgirl went to an art gallery, a park, then back to her place where they changed clothes. Went out for dinner until 1am, then back to hers.

The marriage of Princess Mary and Prince Frederik of Denmark, has been rocked by rumours this week. Credit: WENN Ltd / Alamy Stock Photo

Next time we see Frederik, it’s 8am and he’s leaving Casa Casanova. We don’t know exactly what happened but his walk of shame, if that’s what it is, is very middle-aged dad. Pushing his wheelie overnight bag, hair slightly mussed, Frederik heads off to jet back to Mary, their four kids and uproar about the state of his 19-year marriage.

Since then, the Danish royals have said nada about Fred’s friendship with Casanova. She denied a romantic tryst, said “the facts” had been misrepresented, her lawyer is on the case.

The notion that the world’s hundred zillionth affair might have just happened interests me very little. Not my business. I haven’t even thought for more than an hour if, when Fred ducked out, Mary just thought he was in another wing of the palace or even in another palace.

What does intrigue me is what the photos and more-than-friends claims say about how bloody hard marriage is. And how invested we are in trying to hide any cracks.

Since the days when Princess Mary was a real estate agent from Tassie and Frederik was a slightly googly looking bachelor – he’s better with the beard – we’ve been sold a fairy tale awash with glossy togetherness, family values, matching ski outfits. They’ve successfully parented while elevating the Danish brand on the Euro royal circuit. She gives him glamour, he gives her position. Publicly, they’re perfect.

While now showing us their less stage-managed side must be excoriating for Mary, hopefully the upside is the brouhaha’s role as public service announcement: people, perhaps we’re all only ever one move from disaster.

Given the average marriage length in Australia is 12 years, maybe it would be helpful if we were more open about the relentless highwire act of being married, rather than window dressing or saying nothing.

Last month, UK TV host Sarah Beeny admitted she and her longtime husband are “hanging on by a thread”. How unreal if everyone followed suit. Next time a public figure is asked about their relationship, let’s hear, “I’m fighting ennui, a lack of mystique and the desire to box Bugalugs’ ears when they take forever to pick a Netflix show.”

My favourite long marriage story doesn’t involve a marriage. Together since 1981 and parents of four, Vee and her man drew up a relationship contract at the behest of her father when they decided to never wed. “It was about children, what we wanted together, our rules for happiness,” says Vee.

After speaking to family and friends about pain points in their relationships, the couple defined what they considered infidelity, and prioritised having a house cleaner and unquestioned spending money, regardless of who was earning.

“We agreed either of us joining a cult, a political party or a religion would be just grounds for separation, as would any violence, and we committed to hands-on shared parenting if we had children.

“And we wrote our ambition was to grow old together.”

If I were a betting woman, I’d chuck the house on the Danish royals staying together and staying silent. Mary is not the woman to run up the white flag over someone her husband reportedly met on – oh, irony – a hunting trip. Too much at stake.

Frederik is no newbie at marriage. He won’t need to be told the trick to never running out of romantic road: do the right thing, big or small, one thing after the other after the other.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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