Rules of engagement: How much should you spend on a ring?

Picture a traditional marriage proposal: someone utters “will you marry me?” while down on one knee, opening a velvet box to reveal a sparkling diamond ring – one that cost between one and three months of the proposer’s salary.

But the rules of engagement are changing, beginning with the rock.

The cost of the engagement ring was low on Ashley Hunt’s list of priorities.Credit: Rhett Wyman

Many couples are now marching down the aisle to the beat of their own drum, choosing to personalise their engagement to their own tastes and finances rather than adhering to out-dated traditions.

The price tag

For Ashley Hunt, a 34-year-old from Sydney’s Erskineville, affordability was key when discussing engagement rings with her partner, whom she married last year.

“We had other priorities. Travel was one, our house was a huge one and generally setting ourselves up financially for the future,” Hunt says. “Spending a lot of money on an engagement ring just wasn’t one of them. We were very far off the outdated idea of three months of his salary.”

Other Australian couples are taking a similar path. According to Easy Wedding’s 2023 Australian wedding industry report, couples spend an average of $6000 on an engagement ring.

The Australian Bureau of Statistics reports that, as of May 2023, the average weekly earnings for full-time adults is just over $1900, which equates to an average monthly salary of roughly $7600. So, the average couple is spending less than one month’s salary on the ring. (Notably, this is all before tax.)

This doesn’t surprise Nadia Neuman, creative director of Mondial by Nadia, who says the old ring-salary equation was merely part of a marketing campaign created by South African-British diamond company De Beers in the 1930s to increase sales.

“A lot has changed since,” Neuman says. “There are so many variables that contribute to price that it really becomes more about what they value. They want to feel comfortable with the jeweller and feel like they’re getting good value for money.”

Daniel McLean and Mark Bradley, a Prahran-based couple, spent about $3500 on McLean’s engagement ring, or roughly half a month’s salary.

Daniel McLean (right) and Mark Bradley (left) saved money on their rings by using a bar of gold they already owned.

“If I were to put three months’ salary aside, you’d be looking at about $20,000,” McLean says. “Would I like an upgrade with some big bougie, flash thing? Sure. But I’d much rather put that money into, say, a house deposit or travel, or maybe even a Birkin bag – that’s like, a third of a Birkin bag.”

Bradley didn’t want an engagement ring, but his wedding band was made from a gold bar that had been gifted to McLean for his 21st birthday, saving them even more money while increasing its sentimental value.

Joint decision or a surprise?

Neuman says about 90 per cent of her clients choose the ring together before they pop the question. The same goes for her queer clientele, many of which select an engagement ring each.

In fact, tradition is going out the door for many. When Hunt got engaged, she thought that if she was going to get a ring, her partner needed something too. “It was really important for me that he got something to signify the occasion as well because it was a decision we made together. So, he gave me a ring and I gave him a watch,” she says.

However, jeweller Cushla Whiting says it’s still relatively uncommon for a couple to split the bill when buying an engagement ring. “Now that the majority of couples are living together and sharing expenses by the time they’re engaged, it’s a bit more common for the cost to be a shared expense. But most of the time, it’s still one person paying.”

Are diamonds still a girl’s best friend?

De Beers’ campaign transformed diamonds into the go-to gemstone for engagement rings.

Kathryn Wyatt from the Gemmological Association of Australia says though diamonds are still a popular choice, particularly given their immense durability, Australians are no longer afraid to experiment with different colours and gemstones.

Wyatt says the “toi et moi” ring, which consists of two gemstones on one band, has been popularised by celebrities like Ariana Grande, Kylie Jenner and Megan Fox.

Celebrities setting trends is far from a new phenomenon. “For their first engagement, Ben Affleck gave Jennifer Lopez a whopping great big pale pink diamond, which set off the trend for pink,” Wyatt adds. “Then pink sapphires went through the roof, then pink morganite.”

The no-ring movement

Through the COVID-19 pandemic, Wyatt says the price of gemstones increased by about 20 to 30 per cent because most mining halted, creating a scarcity. These prices have remained elevated, causing some Australians to ditch the ring entirely.

Jane Duckworth from Melbourne’s Rosanna never enjoyed wearing rings, but she loved horses. So, she told her partner she wanted a horse float to commemorate the proposal instead.

“My true authentic self didn’t want an engagement ring,” she says. “I wouldn’t wear it, so it would be a waste of money ... I began to wonder why I would get one and realised I’d just be trying to fit into what everyone else expected of me.”

The decision to get something other than an engagement ring is still relatively novel, Neuman says, but it has become more common over the past few decades, with works of art, timepieces or family heirlooms being gifted instead.

“We’re living through a time of accelerated social and cultural change, and people’s understanding of what is conventional and traditional is constantly being questioned,” Neuman says. “It allows people an opportunity to think about what they really want for themselves and what will make them happy, rather than conforming to pre-conceived social norms.”

Awareness and understanding around sustainability and ethical practices is also increasing, Neuman adds, encouraging people to think twice about where they source their gemstones from by avoiding unverified online retailers or avoiding rings altogether.

Amanda Cassar, director and adviser for Wealth Planning Partners, says regardless of what a couple chooses, an engagement right should be viewed as a symbol of love and commitment rather than an investment, particularly given most wouldn’t sell for as much as they were bought for.

“It’s not about the expectation of a future payout or the financial return on the investment,” says Cassar. “Sentimental value can far outweigh a possible limited resale value.”

Ultimately – ring or no ring – a proposal will be different for everyone. But, regardless of the money spent or saved, it’s a promise that will change a couple’s life forever, and you can’t put a pricetag on that.

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