‘She was absolutely right’: Actor Virginia Gay on her mother’s valuable advice

Each week, Benjamin Law asks public figures to discuss the subjects we’re told to keep private by getting them to roll a die. The numbers they land on are the topics they’re given. This week, he talks to Virginia Gay. The actor, writer and director, 41, is known for her roles in All Saints, Winners & Losers and Savage River. She won a Sydney Theatre Award for Calamity Jane and is currently starring in the hit play Cyrano.

Virginia Gay: “If I’m dating a man and he has a problem with me earning more money than him, I’m like, ‘I don’t see this as a problem’.” Credit: Peter Tarasiuk

MONEY

How did your parents earn a living? Both my parents are teachers. My mother was the one with the regular income, and my father was more like me, closer to the gig economy. He was a teacher in short-form courses and one-off events in music history; my mother was an English literature teacher at a university with a weekly wage.

Growing up, how important was it for you to see your mother as the breadwinner? It has hugely impacted my understanding of the world in a way that is often very difficult for me. If I’m dating a man, and if he has a problem with me earning more money than he does, I’m like, “I don’t see this as a problem.” My mother was the one who paid the bills. I learnt financial literacy from her. I have property because when I had my first job on All Saints, my mother was like, “You must buy now. No bank will ever give you a loan again.” She was absolutely right.

So why choose acting? Because of the financial security it guarantees? [Cackles loudly and comically] Oh dear! How will you transcribe that hollow laugh? It’s never been about the money – and that was reinforced by both of my parents. They love the arts. I have the most extraordinarily supportive network in my parents. I never heard them say, “Oh, you should do a teaching degree” or, “You should think about safer choices.” They just said, “You love this. Give it a go. If you fail, you fail.” That’s an incredibly liberating way to approach this industry.

After the necessities are taken care of – food, water, shelter, hygiene – what’s your next personal necessity? There’s something magical about getting people together and either having a meal or making something for them. So sinking money into that and going, “Come over and have a glorious time. Even if you don’t know everyone, you’ll f...ing love them.” It’s an act of creative, spiritual and literal nourishment: food and community.

BODIES

To what extent are you comfortable with how much attention is given to your body as part of your job? I always thought I was too big for this world. I thought my face was too big; I thought my body was too big; I thought I was too tall. I definitely thought I would never be in the screen industry. It’s something I’m exploring in Cyrano [a gender-flipped retelling, by Gay, of Edmond Rostand’s 1897 play, Cyrano de Bergerac]: the idea of being taught that if I were just prettier and less chatty, it would be better for me.

Of course, Cyrano is not pretty and only has words. So this thing I was taught, my greatest downfall, is something I can make a show about. That you get to retell these narratives is important as a feminist writer. I’ve done a lot of work to value and celebrate the joys of this f...ing phenomenal, tall, 50-per-cent-hair body. I’ve been watching Savage River – where I wore almost no make-up – and was sitting in the realism of that grim little town. And instead of being repulsed, I was proud of myself! Proud of my face, all bare and honest. Proud of my courage in doing it. Proud of leaving my vanity behind.

How do you stay on top of your physical wellbeing during a production’s season? By doing as much Pilates as I possibly can. I can’t do yoga because I’m hyper-mobile and competitive, which means that I f… myself up every time I do it.

You’ve made yoga competitive? Fascinating. High-functioning Virgo here says, “Everything is a competition if you try hard enough.”

Cyrano was a production that infamously had its opening night cancelled three hours before Melbourne went back into lockdown … for the sixth time. What does something like that do to your mental health? It was extraordinary. I remember thinking, “I don’t know who’s writing this episode of my life, but I have notes. This metaphor is a little heavy handed.” The show is about longing and the courage it takes to get out of isolation and to reach for another human being. It was written specifically for Melbourne – about the fact that Melbourne had had the longest, hardest lockdown in the world – and we thought we were through it. I remember going home with a back seat full of opening-night flowers to my very small, one-bedroom apartment. Then watching them become mausoleum flowers as they rotted over the next month. Again! Such an obvious metaphor! I get it!

RELIGION

Do you have any pre-show rituals or superstitions? A strong vocal warm-up. And I knock on all the wood whenever anybody’s talking about something good or bad happening. And I don’t talk about a job until the contract is signed. There are too many “almosts” in this world.

What are your commandments for good acting? The best acting I’ve ever felt or done is when two people are energetically impacting each other, and their energy is flowing. I don’t know how you get to that, except you work with people who also love that, and then you just let yourselves play. So: thou shalt play; thou shalt trust the other person; thou shalt – especially with the camera – just let yourself be seen. Don’t show anything; just let yourself be seen.

Complete this sentence for me. Other people go to church, or to the mosque, temple, synagogue. I go ... To dinner parties. With wonderful, creative, sparky, different, intelligent people. That’s where I get my ideas challenged, I get my brain enlarged, and I laugh like a drain. That’s my church.

The Melbourne Theatre Company’s Cyrano closes on Saturday, October 29; it opens at the Perth Festival on February 17.

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