Referee Ben Cummins went into hiding, fled the country and then grappled with suicidal thoughts because of the abuse he received after the six-to-go controversy in last year’s grand final between the Raiders and Roosters.
Ben Cummins: "I was in a dark place after the grand final. Being ashamed of your performance, there’s not a lot of people you want to talk to."Credit: Louise Kennerley
It gets worse.
Police were called after someone published his address on social media hours after the match. Local command patrolled his house in the days that followed.
His 15-year-old son continues to be bullied at school and his three daughters have been subjected to online abuse.
He is uncertain if he will referee next year. If he retires, he'll fall just short of Bill Harrigan’s record for most games in the NRL.
Just sit with the absurdity of all that for a moment, over one decision in a game of football. Cummins and his family have lived with it for a year.
I did what got me into the grand final: made a call with confidence and pretty quickly. But it backfired.
Ben Cummins
“I’ve thought about a lot worse than just walking away,” an emotional Cummins said in his first interview since last year’s grand final.
Asked if he was suicidal, he said: “I’m not proud of it but I thought about it. I was in a dark place after the grand final. Being ashamed of your performance, there’s not a lot of people you want to talk to. If people could just realise what goes on inside your head when these things happen. Not just for myself but my family.”
Cummins' anguish has been stirred again before Friday night’s semi-final between the Roosters and Raiders. For the past year, the 46-year-old has declined numerous requests to tell his story.
“I still find it hard to talk about,” he said. “I haven’t spoken to many people about it at all.”
Today, Cummins provides a harrowing account that highlights how the rugby league community needs to change the dialogue around referees.
THE CALL
Fans think they’re being funny when they spot Cummins on the street, run up to him and signal six-again.
“Some people take it further and call you something,” he said. “When you get it all the time, it burns.”
With eight minutes remaining in the grand final, Cummins signalled six-again after a towering Canberra bomb came down and appeared to come off the back of Roosters fullback James Tedesco.
He changed his call but Raiders five-eighth Jack Wighton didn’t hear, was tackled on the last, and Tedesco scored the match-winning try from the next set.
Replays showed the ball came off the shoulder of Raiders winger Bailey Simonsson.
“I just made a call too quickly,” Cummins said. “The touchie said, ‘No, no, no. Not touched’. I tried to change it quickly but Jack didn’t hear it. I did what got me into the grand final: made a call with confidence and pretty quickly. But it backfired.”
Cummins sensed the storm brewing as he left the field.
“I didn’t understand the magnitude of it until the cameras were on me when they should’ve been on the players.”
THE FALLOUT
Inside the bowels of ANZ Stadium, Cummins was approached by NRL head of football Graham Annesley and media manager Glenn Jackson, who alerted him to the attention the call had attracted.
“Then it sunk in and it was a freefall from there,” Cummins said. “I was ashamed, I couldn’t celebrate [the end of the season] with my team in the hotel.
"I had family in town for the game. I basically went home and went into hiding. I stayed at my house for a whole week.”
Hours later, the abuse online was so bad that NRL officials alerted the police.
One user posted what they thought was Cummins’ address so people could egg his home, but the information was wrong. The vitriol was so fierce, police continued to patrol his house for days.
“The local command got in contact and said they were monitoring the house,” he said. “We were given a contact by the police we could call if someone was there.”
FLEEING THE COUNTRY
Twenty years ago, Cummins and his wife went to Papua New Guinea to do some development work with the community through the Catholic Church.
As the abuse intensified after the grand final, he knew it was the best place for his family.
“We stayed for a month,” he said. “The locals are lovely people and they don’t judge you. We just visited those places we had been 20 years ago and trekked around in the bush and got away from everything.
“When I was in PNG, it wasn’t talked about. But now it keeps getting brought up. It’s like ripping the scab off a sore.”
Perhaps the most disturbing part of Cummins’ story is the abuse directed at his children.
People don’t understand the harm that words can have.
Ben Cummins
“My young fella was copping a fair bit at school, so I had to pull him out,” he said. “It still goes on. The school’s supportive but stuff gets through. Kids hear adults talk and they regurgitate it.”
His three daughters — aged 17, 19 and 20 — felt the vitriol through social media.
“They don’t say much about it but they see the comments and it affects them,” he said. “Sometimes they feel they should say something back. People don’t understand the harm that words can have on people.”
THE RAIDERS
Cummins sought help from sports psychologist Paul Penna and has received unwavering encouragement from referees boss Bernard Sutton.
But perhaps the greatest support has come from the team affected most by the six-again call.
Cummins grew up in Canberra but is not a Raiders fan. He followed AFL but was eventually drawn to rugby league, which led to his future as a referee.
In the pre-season, he fronted Canberra training at the invitation of coach Ricky Stuart.
“They were fantastic,” Cummins said. “I can’t speak highly enough of Ricky and the club. I know it wasn’t easy for them but they said many times they didn’t blame me. They said, ‘It’s not your fault. Mistakes happen, it’s gone. We had our opportunities, we had a couple of plays when we should’ve done better’.”
Ben Cummins on the Raiders: "I can’t speak highly enough of Ricky and the club. I know it wasn’t easy for them but they said many times they didn’t blame me."Credit: Louise Kennerley
When Cummins controlled a scrimmage on the field, nothing was said. Has he spoken to Wighton?
“We haven’t spoken about the incident,” Cummins said. “But I’ve seen him since and he hasn’t raised it with me.”
Which begs the question: if Canberra have moved on, why hasn’t everyone else?
HIS FUTURE
The NRL is furious with misleading reports Cummins was “axed” from Friday night’s match to avoid potential embarrassment.
“It was purely about numbers and nothing do with who was playing who,” Annesley said. “He hasn’t been left out. The appointments committee considered Ashley Klein and Gerard Sutton, the two leading referees at the moment.”
Klein will control the Roosters-Raiders match while Cummins is the standby referee for Sutton for the second semi-final between Parramatta and Souths on Saturday night.
“I’m disappointed I’m not part of any games this weekend, but I’ve got to the point with this grand final thing that I’m relieved,” Cummins said. “The pressure’s off me for the year so there’s a part of me that says this is actually good. That shouldn’t be the case.”
After everything he has been through, you couldn’t blame him for walking away from the intensity of refereeing at the elite level.
Andrew Abdo on Cummins
Cummins has officiated 13 Tests, 14 Origins and five grand finals over 14 seasons. He is 10 games short Harrigan’s all-time NRL record of 393.
NRL chief executive Andrew Abdo wants him back next year, breaking the record.
“Ben’s resilience and mental strength is remarkable,” he said. “After everything he has been through, you couldn’t blame him for walking away from the intensity of refereeing at the elite level of the game.
"We want to see Ben refereeing our big games because he remains one of our top and most experienced referees.”
The man himself is not sure.
“That’s something I’ve got to assess now,” Cummins said. “It’s a great sport that's great to be involved in — but it can be brutal.”
THE BIG PICTURE
When Cummins changed his call that night, many people — this column included — blamed it on the referees having “too many voices in their ear”; that they’re over-coached.
As Cummins explained, the only voice he heard belonged to the touch judge.
“That comes up quite a bit, about the over-coaching,” Cummins said. “I can only speak for myself, but I’m content with where we’re at. We need coaching. If I don’t have it, it’s a slow slip into poor performances.
“A few years ago, there was a directive from the game to clean things up and there were a lot of penalties. That coincided with the argument that we were being coached too much. We were penalising a lot more than we are now. Graham Annesley has come in with the objective to let the game flow and let the players determine things. We’ve been better this year.”
Refereeing trends come and go, so do rule changes. Cummins says he’s enjoyed the return to one referee this year and the six-again rule.
What hasn’t changed is the perpetually outraged narrative around referees.
When Matt Cecchin revealed to the Herald in 2018 he was walking away after receiving death threats, his fellow referees hoped it would be a game-changer.
“After ‘Cech’ told his story, people backed off and there was a different narrative for a while,” Cummins said. “Then it dropped back to where it was. I’d love the dialogue to change. It has to.
“Most of us [referees] are perfectionists. We’re the hardest markers of ourselves. People don’t really understand how much pressure there is and the impact of their criticism.”
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