Yes, I’m a cat lady. No, it’s not an insult. Here’s why

I was born a cat lady. I will die a cat lady. My cats have been my loves, my most loyal protectors and faithful companions. They have been the great love of my life, with all the magic, joy, wisdom, tears, laughter, comfort, heartbreak and fulfilment that true love brings.

The crazy cat lady trope is always weaponised as a cautionary tale for girls and women. Credit: Getty Images

They tell me the weather, they teach me things, they spew on my shoes, they make me laugh, they comfort me when I’m crying, they warn me when danger is coming, they get me out of bed in the morning, they purr me to sleep at night. They love me, and I love them. I love them more than people. They have loved me more than people. Without my cats, I would not have survived.

But the older I got, the less acceptable my love for my cats became. I found the tone of people’s attitudes towards me as a cat lady changed almost overnight. It was no longer, “Oh, Anna’s mad about cats” but, “You’ll die alone!” “You hate children!” “You’re crazy!” “You hate men!” “Your life is sad and meaningless!” “You’re an angry feminist!” (The last one is true.)

This new, strangely hostile attitude towards my cat lady-ness was clearly connected to the fact I was single, childless and in my 40s. The unholy trinity! It was OK for me to be a cat lady when I had a boyfriend, and there was still a chance of getting married and having children. But now? What the f---! Plus, I was badly heartbroken (again) and at an age when I could no longer hope for children. So not only was I sad and grieving, but people were also being really mean about it, too. Way to kick a lady when she’s down.

The author with her “soulmate”, Blinky. Credit: Leanne Shingles

The crazy cat lady trope is always weaponised as a cautionary tale for girls and women. Better settle down, or you’ll become a crazy cat lady! If you focus too much on work and your career, you’ll wake up all alone one day and find you’re a crazy old cat lady! (People said this to my face all through my 20s and 30s.) Women say it all the time, too, and proclaim their innocence: “I’m not a crazy cat lady!” Haha, nervous laugh, wild eyes. “I like dogs! Haha!” When you add this to all the other stuff of being a woman, the sexist outrages all run into each other, like cat spew on the lino. No wonder we can’t be bothered getting out of our dressing gowns.

In 2020, my brother sent me photos from our late Dad’s photo album. I didn’t remember the photos, and when I saw my little self alone with my stray cats, I felt a visceral shock, as if I’d just touched an electric fence with wet hands (not as fun as it sounds).

I’d been so distracted by the unbelievable trajectories of my life that I’d missed something fundamental. I had been suppressing a part of who I was for a long time. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loudly proclaimed my cat lady-ness to anyone who would listen, and those who wouldn’t. However, these long-forgotten photos made me instantly aware that somewhere deep down even I had been pretending I wouldn’t grow up to be a solitary, witchy cat lady.

It is clear, looking at this little girl, that this is who I am. Despite all the insane, bizarre, traumatic, joyful, painful, miraculous, mysterious events of my life, I was still this witchy little girl playing alone with her strays. But now I am a middle-aged, solitary, witchy woman surrounded by my beloved strays. Everything has changed and nothing has changed.

I know this story might make you feel sorry for me: “Oh, poor thing, all alone with her strays! So sad! Society’s rejects.” I can hear your thoughts (ooh, my witchy powers!). But don’t feel sorry for me. That’s just society’s fear of cat ladies talking. Besides, this is a happy story, not a sad one: I have, in middle age, found my way back to my true self. As if a ray of light had suddenly beamed down from heaven (cue angelic choir with trumpets), I realised I am living this little girl’s dream!

The little girl in the photos never thought she would live to be this old or survive long enough to be this free. She and I dreamed of this life, but neither of us ever believed it would be possible. Looking at these photos I can see that I have, against all odds, made her dreams come true. I cried my eyes out.

Cat Lady Manifesto (Affirm Press) by Anna Go-Go is out on November 26.

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