This was published 1 year ago
Wrangling four kids under four – three of them identical triplets
Jack and Kate Cowled work together as chiropractors in Sydney’s inner west. The couple, both 35, had always dreamt of having several children. They just hadn’t anticipated them arriving the way they did.
Jack and Kate Cowled with their triplets and eldest son. “A lot of people say to us, ‘Are you going to try for a girl?’ I think we’re done.”Credit: Wolter Peeters
Jack: We got to know each other very well at uni but, for years, our relationship was platonic. Kate’s very beautiful and of course I was attracted to her, but I’d always considered her a friend. Then we both found ourselves single and, one night at a bar, things shifted. Once it happened, it was so natural. We got married in 2016.
Kate had some health issues and we’d been told we probably wouldn’t fall pregnant naturally. Meanwhile, we got a dog and bought Live Active, our business. But we did fall pregnant soon after and Zachary was born in 2017.
We tried to have more children and nothing happened, so we went down the IVF route and the second cycle succeeded. At the ultrasound, the woman put the probe on Kate’s stomach and took it off straight away. She asked Kate how many babies she thought were in there. Kate said, “Is it twins?” The woman said, “No, it’s not twins.”
My first thought on hearing it was triplets was, “This is big, but it’s so much bigger for Kate, so I need to be calm and collected.” Apart from thinking we’d need a new car and a new house, I was also thinking, “This is awesome; I’m going to have my own little football team.” Still, Kate was the one who was going to have to carry them and we were both worried about how it would affect Zach. We knew they were going to be identical boys: the [clinic] had only transferred one egg, but it had split – twice.
“My first thought on hearing it was triplets was, ‘This is big, but it’s so much bigger for Kate, so I need to be calm and collected.’ ”
In February last year, they were born at 27 weeks by emergency C-section. Kate had been in hospital for a week and I’d been doing this stupid thing where I’d dress up every day as a different dad. That day, I was an ’80s dad.
I walked in with these short shorts on, a polo shirt, a big moustache and these big glasses. I took one look at Kate’s face. It said, “Whatever it is you’re doing, stop it.”
It went from nothing happening at 8am to 18 people in the operating theatre by the afternoon. The babies were so small when they came out – just slightly bigger than an iPhone. Leo weighed 1006 grams, Harrison 850 and Archer 846. They were in the NICU [neo-natal intensive care unit] at Westmead for months. Kate is a strong person, but she did lose it at times. So did I.
We’ve had a lot of help from our families and I’m sure we have amnesia about how hard it was at the start. But Kate and I both have this attitude … as soon as the sun rises, it’s a new day, no matter how bad the day before was.
We also believe that she and I have to come first in the family dynamic: we take the time to make sure our relationship is solid. It’s that plane analogy about putting your own mask on first, so you’re in a position to help others. Having the boys in a good sleep routine – the little guys are in bed by 6.30, Zach by 8 – means we can have dinner together every night, just us two, and time to ourselves. Even if she comes home later and I’ve already eaten, I’ll join her so we can have a chat and check in.
From very early on, I knew Kate was the one, with everything I needed in a partner: she’s someone who takes joy in life. I wanted to have a lot of kids and so did she. Funnily enough, I always wanted four and she only ever wanted three, so this is kind of perfect for me.
Kate: I’d known Jack a bit through mutual friends and I’d gone to a few parties at his house. Turns out we had also gone to pre-school together.
We had a really great friendship for a long time before we started going out. After we’d been dating for a while without having put a label on it, he planned an actual day to make it official. He’s quite the romantic. When we got engaged, he also asked my dad if it was okay.
“It’s funny but one of the first things I thought about was all the hours we’d have to do for their driving licences!”
I couldn’t imagine doing this crazy journey with anyone else. I’ve heard of cases where, as soon as a partner heard there were triplets, they were out of there. Jack was the opposite.
When they first told us, I basically broke down, but Jack was so excited and supportive. He’d always wanted four kids. On the way home, we talked about all the things that would have to change. It’s funny but one of the first things I thought about was all the hours we’d have to do for their driving licences!
With the kids, Jack has always known exactly what to do – and he doesn’t let circumstances stand in his way. He wants the boys to have the same experiences Zach had. We’ve always enjoyed camping so we’ve done that with the triplets as well. For Jacko, nothing is too hard. It’s like, “What’s the problem? Let’s just do it. If we don’t try, we don’t know.” It’s great because I’m someone who would sit back and over-analyse. He’s also very calming.
When the boys were in hospital – Leo and Harrison were there for about three months, and Archer for five – Jack was still running the practice and his golf business [golf biomechanics sessions], looking after Zach, and coming in every day. He was taking charge of our lives so that I didn’t have to stress while I was pumping the milk and dealing with everything else.
There were some very emotional times. On the day Harrison came home, we found out Archer needed a heart operation. We sat in the car and just hugged each other and had a cry.
There has always been a lot of fun in our relationship. Jacko is a big trickster and very good at practical jokes. He used to do this thing of scaring me, in a funny way. He’d come home from soccer training, for example, sneak in and then jump out at me. Since the boys came along, he has settled down a bit, but I miss it. Childish, I know.
He’s too good to be true, really. He does do the classic thing of leaving the toilet seat up, but I’ve come to terms with being outnumbered in a house full of boys. A lot of people say to us, “Are you going to try for a girl?” No, I think we’re done.
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