This was published 4 years ago
The one face-to-face meeting you need to have during lockdown
Freaking out about the prospect of being stuck at home with kids for weeks or months, while also trying to maintain your job, your relationship and your sanity? Then you need a family meeting.
That’s the advice of Kate Christie, time management specialist and author of Me First: The Guilt-free Guide to Prioritising You. The first and only agenda of the meeting, says Christie, is agreeing as a family who is going to do what and when.
Family is a team sport, it's time for everyone to step up and pitch in.Credit: iStock
“Say, ‘As Mum, these are the four things I'm going to do — I'm going to cook three nights a week, I'm going to do four loads of washing a week, and I'm going to do x and y. If there’s [another parent or partner], they say what they are going to do. And then you say to your kids, ‘what are you going to do?’.”
Christie says it’s important that kids who are old enough write down what they are going to do so that they feel they contributed to the development of the plan. If kids aren’t old enough to write then get them to draw pictures of their plan instead.
“The worst thing you can do is tell them, here's the calendar that I've set up and everyone has to do it,” says Christie. “They need to feel a sense of ownership in it, because when they do come and complain, which they will, you can say, well guys, we built the calendar together.”
The next step is to draw up a daily routine with batches of time which, depending on the age of your kids, should be between 30 minutes and an hour.
“Group like activities together so that you get them done in one solid batch of time,” says Christie. “We work best when we single task rather than multi-task. This applies to kids as well.”
Include everything in your plan, not just work. That means write down your morning/getting up routine, exercise, work time, play time, chore time, quiet time and meals.
“Plan this with the kids, for example, ‘From 9am to 9.45am, mum is going to be doing work. You need to do an activity on your own’,” says Christie. “Depending on the age of the kids it could be doing some homework, they could be planning their vision board, they could be online researching their trip around Australia, they could be doing art and craft.”
Christie recommends timing each block with a wind-up timer, like the one on your oven. Stay away from alarms on your computer or phone because that’s likely to lead to distractions.
“When you batch your day, everyone knows what's on the agenda that you've all agreed to. And for those 45-minute bursts where you actually have to get some work done you've already pre-planned what the kids are going to do,” says Christie. “If the kids come and annoy you, say, 'Come on, we agreed to this batch, but as soon as the alarm goes off we're having hot chocolate'.”
Don’t forget to add in some “me first” time in your schedule, such as a run or walk on your own, a bath, or reading a book in your bedroom. During this time you can get your kids to also read a book, or colour in, or just plonk them in front of the TV for an hour.
Once you’ve planned out – and everyone has agreed to – the family schedule, leave it in the kitchen to keep everyone accountable.
“You may have to say, ‘who's on dishwasher today?’, but that's okay because I'd rather you be the person who reminds rather than the person who does.”
If this whole family schedule thing is starting to sound too much like boot camp, don’t worry, there is still room for spontaneity and going with the flow.
“Some days your kids are going to find an activity, and they are going to have laser focus on it, and for whatever reason they get into it. You have to be ready for that. On those days for God's sake leave them to it and have your to-do lists ready to go, so that you can work systematically through things for those miraculous times when the kids are self-sufficient."
But let’s be honest, that’s the best-case scenario. Other days are going to be all over the shop. If you do hit some hurdles, Christie’s advice is to lower your expectations.
“I would be aiming for two really good solid 45-minute batches of work per day,” says Christie.
“There are going to be times when you're going crazy and they're going crazy, but if you set up enough structure and try to stick to it at least 50 per cent of the time, that is better than just freewheeling 100 per cent of the time.”
Me First: The Guilt Free Guide to Prioritising You by Kate Christie (Wiley) is available now.