Prince Harry is about to find out how deceptive your 40s are

Prince Harry has made it easy on the pressie front for wife Meghan Markle ahead of his 40th birthday on Sunday.

You can forget about an updated dream journal, babe, and cancel that meditation app subscription. I already have what I need.

Prince Harry will turn 40 later this week.Credit: Chris Jackson/Getty

“The best gift I’ve ever been given is, without doubt, my kids,” Harry told People when reflecting on his milestone birthday. “I enjoy watching them grow every single day and I love being their dad.”

Sweet, no? Meghan will reportedly still get to spoil Harry with a bash at their Montecito HQ – she might be out training the hummingbirds to do a formation fly-past right now while the vegan matcha and black sesame mousse cake is in the oven – and then he’s said to be taking off for a few days to hike with mates.

Of course, the Duke of Sussex is also apparently receiving a little something more material. He’ll inherit over $15 million from the late Queen Mother on his birthday, the second instalment in a tax-free leg-up from his great-grandmother, according to reports.

So apart from that thing where he’s estranged from his family, maybe Harry is that rare fella who has everything he wants at 40. A show-stopping wife, healthy kids, creative freedom over his career and personal choices. The flexibility to pursue passions without the scrutiny and obligations of being a senior royal. Financial independence. A frostbite-free todger.

And yet, there’s always room for a random matron from Australia to gift Haz something he might not know he needs: unsought advice.

Harry! Your 40s are a deceptive decade. You think you’ve locked down the major stuff: marriage, parenthood, hopefully finances. But the next 10 years are going to be like playing Mario Kart. You’ll be whipping along, loving yourself for being ahead, and then something will blow you up out of the blue. Someone will sideswipe you. There’ll be traps you don’t see coming. And you’ll be back on the start line, wondering what went wrong.

The trick is to pay really, really close attention to everything and everyone around you. They’re all competing too. And don’t expect to cross the finish line first because there isn’t a finish line. Also, stop talking in cliches about authenticity. It makes you less authentic.

Once you would have had your dad and brother giving you manly insider tips and tricks about nailing your fifth decade. In lieu of that, the second part of my present is combed from various online forums where blokes give other blokes advice on Turning 40, then edited them into this pocket guide.

In no particular order, with thanks to a heap of unknown wise men:

Take care of your teeth. Learn how to apologise correctly. The number one indicator of your health is your social health. Loneliness will destroy your body and soul, and it gets easier and easier to become isolated and disengaged as you age, especially as a man.

Sex isn’t everything.

Stop looking for a way out and just fix it. Time with your kids, man, time with your kids.

Whatever it is, start now. Don’t stay angry. Two beers and three milligrams of gummies can get you having fun if you limit it to a rare party, plus you won’t get hungover. Stretch and take some sort of probiotic. Teach your children by example rather than giving them a bunch of rules.

Don’t be such a fan of sports that it turns you into a tremendous bore. Learn to leave things behind. Read at least 100 pages (of a book) a week. If she says she doesn’t want fries, buy her fries anyway or else she’s going to take your fries.

Just … try not to be a jerk?

Love the HELL out of something. Physically exert yourself to exhaustion three times per week. Use a topical retinoid. Don’t ignore water-related maintenance – leaky taps, showers or roofs get exponentially more expensive the longer you neglect them.

Know you’re not the centre of anyone’s universe but your own.

Happy birthday, dear Harry. Lots of luck.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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