Is your teen a ‘TC’? What parents need to know about the popular group
From Mean Girls to Grease, high-school popularity has played a powerful part in teenage representations on the silver screen for decades. For better or worse, art imitates life, with popular kids and groups also a big part of growing up in the real world. But things aren’t always as simple as the movies make out.
According to Australian author and speaker Rebecca Sparrow, who has worked in schools for more than 20 years, warning bells should go off in any parent’s head if they hear their child is a part of the “TC” group at school.
There are positives and negatives to popularity in high schools, say experts.Credit: iStock
Sparrow says TC – or “too cool” – is a term used by some school-aged children and teenagers to describe the “cool group” or “mean kids”, usually in upper primary and early high school.
The TCs see themselves at the top of the hierarchy, says Sparrow, and through various unhealthy and unkind behaviours, including bullying and aggression, the group prioritises keeping others below them.
“What I’m noticing is a real increase in anti-social behaviours,” says Sparrow. “Worse still, it’s starting younger. I’m hearing stories of breathtaking nastiness, and it’s the kind of behaviour that would not be tolerated in a workplace and, in some cases, could lead to criminal charges.”
Parents and popularity
Sparrow believes the importance placed on being popular can often be ignited, encouraged and supported by parents.
The motivation of adults can be driven by a combination of factors, including their own experience of being bullied at school and not wanting this to be the case for their children. When parents are overwhelmed by work and other responsibilities, Sparrow says it can also be easy to overlook their children’s problematic behaviour – if it’s noticed at all.
“There are [also] parents who for a range of reasons really value being cool and being popular. I think they believe that high school is better and easier if you’re at the top of the tree.”
However, while some parents may have their child’s best interests at heart, this value and ambition to be popular can actually serve against their child’s best interests.
“These groups can sometimes pressure kids to fit in at the cost of being themselves,” says clinical psychologist and author Dr Rebecca Ray. “They may also encourage exclusionary behaviours or bullying, which can hurt both those inside and outside the group.”
Different kinds of popularity
While TCs and parents who support them can demonstrate unhealthy and mean-spirited behaviour, clinical psychologist and teen educator Dr Mary Kaspar says not all forms of popularity are like this.
Instead, there is another type of popularity – likeable popularity – that is respectful and inclusive, and should be the focus for young people and their parents.
“These kids are humble and kind and get along with many people,” says Kaspar. “They are not an exclusive group, and you can’t be higher or lower than anyone else in social standing, everyone is equal and has equal worth on the field.”
Experts suggest parents focus on their children finding friends with shared interests beyond popularity.Credit: iStock
Ultimately, she says this type of popularity is about understanding common humanity and the ability to understand and respect the differences and flaws of yourself and others.
Kaspar says young people shouldn’t chase extrinsic markers – which can often feel linked to popularity – referring to factors outside ourselves like awards, trophies, online likes and subscribers. “This doesn’t change your worth,” she says.
So, what can parents do?
According to Ray, parents should focus on supporting their tween or teen to find social groups that aren’t driven by status or extrinsic markers but instead focus on shared interests, kindness and inclusion.
“These relationships tend to be more supportive and help your child feel valued for who they truly are, not how they rank socially,” she says.
Avoiding using labels like “cool” or “uncool” can also be helpful.
“Instead, highlight what makes a group special, like how they support each other,” says Ray.
For any parent, both Ray and Sparrow also highlight the importance of being curious and observant.
“Be the chauffeur. Drive your child and their friends around and then zip it. Listen to how they speak about others and to each other,” Sparrow says.
If you do notice that your child is exhibiting any TC behaviours, Sparrow says you need to be willing to act on this sometimes uncomfortable and confronting information.
“It’s only when we’re willing to hear the truth about our kids that we can help them course-correct and choose a better path.”
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