In reinventing themselves, Harry and Meghan are losing their special sauce

Meet Steve Irwin off his plane in Sydney, I was told. Easy. At the gate, a few passengers appeared. Not Steve. Not Steve. Ah. Was that Steve?

I wasn’t sure. The bloke looked like the famous wildlife warrior. Same build, kinda the same hair. But there was something wrong with his mouth. Huge teeth pushing out his jaw.

Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter.

I caught his eye, feeling ridiculous. How could anyone not recognise Steve Irwin?

“You Kate?” he muttered. “I need a slash.”

That was our greeting. Steve headed silently for the toilet, then the exit. Still said nothing, just climbed into the car, ready to head to our shoot for Who Magazine’s Most Intriguing People issue.

Wow, I thought. Talk about not as advertised. Steve Irwin is making a brand and a fortune out of being engaging and awesome. He’s actually a rude arsehole.

But then, Steve became Steve! Whipped out the giant teeth – false! Might have also whipped off a wiglet. I couldn’t say for sure, so overwhelming was my relief.

“Sorry mate,” he said. “Always use the disguise when I travel. Can’t talk with the teeth in.”

For five hours, Steve talked with openness and love about family, life, work. He was ace. And he proved he had the same kinetic energy, the same heart, as when cameras were on. His manic enthusiasm was real.

That day was forever ago, but I remembered it this week amid the latest Harry and Meghan headlines over Vanity Fair’s cover story. It paints Meghan as a control freak leaving staff needing therapy, Harry as a bystander blinking in shock that he has to find work (although his reported eight figure settlement in his case with Britain’s News Group Newspapers this week is something of a reprieve).

Roughly a third of the way through the 8000-word take-down is a killer line, a former Spotify employee’s take on where the pair’s dreams of a successful post-Megxit life unravelled: “The thing you’re escaping is the reason you’re compelling.” So incisive.

The saddest and stupidest thing about the Sussexes’ strategy to frantically scrub off royal glitter and reinvent is they left us with nothing interesting enough to care about.

They’re basically doing what we all do at some point: try to dilute our secret sauce because we think another flavour will make us more palatable with others. But all that tends to do is make us bland. Nobody ever built a meaningful personal brand, royal or otherwise, by ditching the spicy stuff.

Witness Jennifer Grey. She thought her post-Dirty Dancing nose job would mean a more conventional beauty and more roles, but losing that distinctive schnoz had the opposite effect and killed her career.

How about Coca-Cola going “New Coke”. Or Jimmy Barnes going soul – jeez you were lucky to climb out of that, Barnesy. Even Chet Hanks, child of world’s nicest parents Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson, siblings in the family biz. Yet, Chet decided to try his luck at being the white Kanye. Sure, you have to have a go to get a go, but he had his point of difference already. Use it, son!

Prince Harry and Meghan Markle.Credit: Alamy Stock Photo

My point of difference used to be perfection. I’d fake that I was really nice. A living doll. I’d pretend I wasn’t vain and pedantic and judgy. Hide that I think cooking is boring and musicals should be banned. Would mock people who wear bronzer and tut-tut at visible bra straps. I once hissed at a toddler making it all about her at a christening, “Cut it out, toots” so only she could hear it.

Now, I lay out my shortcomings for all. And people react more, either with love or hate, but it beats being an invisible Pollyanna.

No doubt you, too, have a compelling point of difference. Please let someone’s be ice sculpting or clog dancing. It could be auburn hair, incredible ankles, a strong argument for how The Sullivans intersects with modern pop culture, a true belief that discovering tapas in Europe in 1988 changed your life. Whatever it is, run towards it and choose to be interesting.

Channel Steve Irwin. Channel the random who owns their obsession with historical maritime disasters. Just wave that point of difference flag high. It’s actually your personal banner.

Harry and Meghan need to embrace being royal again. Otherwise, he’s just a bloke who can ride a horse and she some chick who used to be on telly. Both possibly perfectly fine people, but not leading stars in even their own dramas.

Kate Halfpenny is the founder of Bad Mother Media.

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