Millennials think talking on the phone is a fate worse than death

I’m a typical Millennial. I like avocado on my toast, I can’t live without my phone, and I still own skinny jeans. However, there’s one trait that sets me apart from my peers – I love making phone calls. While many Millennials think talking on the phone is a fate worse than death, I love nothing more than to give my friends a random call. It’s clear this is unusual behaviour as I’ll often receive texts after missed calls asking “Are you OK? What’s wrong?”

For those wondering why calling out of the blue is a big deal, you only need to Google “is calling someone on the phone rude?” to be met with a barrage of news articles exclaiming that yes, it is. The Washington Post published a story last year titled “The new phone call etiquette: Text first and never leave a voicemail.” There’s also this Medium article headline which couldn’t make the point any clearer, “Do you call without asking first? You’re being extremely rude and here’s why.”

“E.T. pho … er, text home.” Credit: Marija Ercegovac

But what exactly is rude about it? When I call a friend, and they don’t answer, I assume they are busy. I hang up and continue with my day. I’ll usually send a text to let them know that I’m just calling to see how they are and there’s no pressure to call back. Rudeness would be expecting the person to answer or feeling pressure to call back. I try to make it clear that I want neither.

Zarife Hardy, principal and founder of The Australian School of Etiquette, says it is “absolutely fine” to make a call without texting first. “We have the choice to answer the phone. If the time is suitable then answer it.” There are some rules, though. Hardy says to avoid calling during business hours, early in the morning or after 8pm at night. “You do have to be respectful of another person’s time. Be mindful about someone’s day and schedule.”

Is rudeness the problem or have we just become afraid of phone calls? Hardy says that use of the telephone has become her company’s biggest request for training. “Many Millennials and university graduates come to a workplace where the telephone is a very important business tool, and they are too scared to pick it up. They just don’t have the skill set or the confidence.”

Phone calls have been around for more than 140 years, so when did we become so averse to them? When I was a teenager, not only was there no option to “text first”, but you had to call your friend’s home phone and, mortifyingly, speak to their parents! Heaven forbid if you confused your friend for their sibling. These days, there seems to be nothing more embarrassing than accidentally calling someone. Except accidentally FaceTiming them, of course.

Ever the mirror, film and TV have kept up with the times, with protagonists now often communicating via text with the exchange superimposed on the screen. I’m pretty sure that if E.T. had been a Millennial he wouldn’t have phoned home, he would have texted.

When it comes to annoying communication methods, for me it’s writing 100 text messages when a simple call would have sufficed. And what about voice notes? While occasionally funny and novel, aren’t they just the longest and most inconvenient version of a phone call? Not only do I have to wait for an appropriate setting to listen, but I’m never quite sure how I’m supposed to reply. Do I text or send one back? All I really want to say is “can I call you?” instead of spending days listening to, and recording, a conversation over days or weeks.

Perhaps rudeness is in the eye of the beholder. Whether you find the thought of a phone call nerve-racking or annoying is likely to come down to your generation and your relationship with the person calling. I don’t think there are many mothers out there who would be irked by a phone call from a child just to say hello.

For me, phone calls have become my communication of choice because I’m currently on my second maternity leave and my time (and hands) are often occupied. The easiest way to communicate with my nearest and dearest is to pick up the phone (or ask Siri politely) and chat while walking, driving, or feeding. It’s also difficult to schedule these calls in advance as they rely on my baby being asleep, or strapped in the car, pram, or carrier.

There’s a certain magic to these calls too. They provide a window into the small moments that make up a day, whether that’s ordering lunch or wrangling a small child off a playground swing. When I’m sleep-deprived, lacking adult company and feeling lost in the throes of motherhood, a chat on the phone with someone I love goes a long way to brightening my day, and hopefully, theirs too.

So go on, Millennials, face your fears and give someone you love a call just to say hello. You just might make their day.

January Jones is a freelance writer.

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