I decided to stop dating in my 30s to figure out who I was. Then I met my husband

Comedian Sara Pascoe is about to hit the stand-up circuit on an Australian tour, but she may be best known for her non-fiction book, Sex Power Money. Here, the 43-year-old talks about how her father nurtured her love of storytelling, and what it’s like to be married to a fellow comedian.

Sara Pascoe has had several male mentors in comedy, including actor Andy Day.Credit: Alexandra Cameron

My maternal grandfather, Michael, wrote a book about Egyptology, sent it to a publisher and it was rejected. After that news, he threw the manuscript in the fire. I knew from a young age I was related to him because he was a very creative person. He was clever and very sensitive.

As a child growing up in England, I didn’t have any concept of how World War II affected him; he was just a young man himself when he went. He didn’t talk about the horrors of what he saw, he just got on with life when he got back. I was 12 when he died.

My dad, Derek, told great bedtime stories. He didn’t need a storybook, he made them up. He was a jazz musician and the last thing he’d do before going out was put his three daughters to bed. I adored his brain – he was fun.

I knew Dad was in a band because my mum, Gail, has photographs of him in the ’70s sitting with other girlfriends on the lawn outside his house. Me and my sister Cheryl, who’s 18 months younger than me, thought that was how you got a boyfriend – you picked a boy in a band and sat outside his house waiting to get noticed.

Mum and Dad were unhappy together and it made sense for them to separate. Dad was a very relaxed parent. When Mum needed a back-up parent, he wasn’t that for her. We were feral kids because there wasn’t a man to put his foot down with us. My parents divorced when I was seven.

Dad remained part of our lives, taking us bowling and to funfairs. He now lives in Adelaide and is married to an Australian woman. I followed in his footsteps and married an Australian, comedian Steen Raskopoulos, in 2020.

I was a tomboy as a teenager; I loved playing football. I didn’t have boys as friends – I found them mysterious and quite scary. Girls at school dated older boys who were already driving, and the thought of getting in a car with them after school was terrifying.

When I was 14, I went with Cheryl to meet Robbie Williams from Take That. I was ready to tell him I was going to marry him. Boys in bands felt safe to me.

I didn’t kiss any boys until I was 16. There was a boy at drama club I threw myself at; I put my tongue in his face to see what it was like.

I was also 16 when I had my first serious relationship. We dated for a year and were madly in love. I never got over Ian.

I had an amazing high-school teacher, Geoffrey, who taught me psychology. He looked like a nutty professor with curly brown hair.

I had a good friend at drama school, actor Andy Day. He taught me that men could be kind and funny; he was hilarious and gentle.

I am a serial monogamist. I was in relationships for three to four years until I was in my mid-30s, when I decided to be alone and figure out who I was. It was during this period that I met Steen, who’s six years younger than me. I thought we’d just be friends; I didn’t see a relationship coming.

We got to know each other from afar. We started dating after he moved to England in 2018 and married in 2020. We have two sons, Theodore, 3, and Albie, 18 months.

My husband is healthy, sporty and handsome – and is used to strong women. He is the first man I have dated who doesn’t have a chip on his shoulder about the fact I earn more money. He is very supportive of me.

Before we had our first kiss, he told me he wanted to have a family with me. I didn’t plan to get married; it wasn’t a dream of mine.

Sara Pascoe’s I Am a Strange Gloop is on at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival until April 12, and at the Sydney Comedy Festival on April 26.

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