I dated a dozen guys last year. It didn’t work out but I have no complaints

I always find myself dreading that inevitable moment in a conversation when I’m asked how I met the guy I’m seeing, and I have to awkwardly clear my throat and murmur, “Hinge” (yes, an online dating app). For my generation, admitting you’re connecting with people through a platform carries a stigma.

Dating apps, such as Hinge, Tinder and Bumble, may have become standard fare generally, but are dismissed by people my age as the last resort for the socially inept who are desperately advertising themselves online instead of just meeting people “naturally” through work, school, friends or hobbies. Yet, I genuinely believe that online dating is rewarding, regardless of your age.

Dating via apps needn’t be about finding Mr Right, it can be a way to learn about yourself. Credit: iStock

It allows the most lonely generation, Gen Z, to find connections and socialise. This past year, I’ve gone on 12 dates through Hinge. Not necessarily with the goal of finding “the love of my life” but to meet new people, enjoy new experiences, and – frankly – because I was looking for something different to do.

Yes, dating through an app is strange and sometimes unsettling. You’re spending a couple of hours with someone you’ve never met before to silently measure each other. There’s pressure to put forward an energetic, interesting version of yourself. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to crack the right joke or follow the perfect flow of conversation.

But despite the occasional awkwardness, these dates have given me confidence. Before I started dating, I didn’t realise how sheltered I had been inside my social bubble, surrounded by friends and family with similar lifestyles. I was comfortable – but also missing out. Meeting strangers on dates has shown me how many different versions of “normal” exist. I’ve had to step outside my comfort zone and embrace a broader view of the world, and of myself.

One guy I met had, at just 15, launched an Etsy store. Now he’s 20 and it’s his full-time business. It was inspiring. Then there was the guy who would casually run 10 kilometres every morning in less than 37 minutes. As someone who struggles to stay motivated to do even 5 kilometres, it was both impressive and humbling. And then there was the guy who regularly eats cow tongue and crocodile — all without batting an eye.

Not all my experiences with guys have been awe-inspiring. On one first date, a guy asked me, completely and utterly genuinely, how many kids we were having. Don’t get me started on The Corrector, who would stop me mid-sentence to tell me that I wasn’t articulating the second “p” in pumpkin, or how you can’t have lemon and sugar on pancakes, only on crepes.

I’ve met a range of characters: Mr Family Emergency; Mr Presumptuous with his sweeping assumptions; Mr Can’t Communicate, who couldn’t find the words to tell me how he felt, leaving me awkwardly navigating his mixed signals; Mr All Looks, No Conversation, who looked great on paper but didn’t offer much beyond surface-level charm and couldn’t muster the curiosity to ask me a single question; and Mr Flaky with Money, who never offered to pay for anything after we’d agreed to go to a theatre show.

But then there was Mr Comedian Extraordinaire, who had me laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe; Mr Gentleman, who always made sure I got home safely, no matter how late it was; Mr Family First, who didn’t hesitate to introduce me to his parents and share his world; Mr Philosophical Dreamer, who could talk for hours about life, the universe, and everything in between; Mr Be Here, This Time, This Place. One of the best dates was an easy and interesting guy from England — we walked around the city ’til 1am. Then there was Mr 6′8. Kindhearted and enthusiastic, we went on seven dates and he had me playing Taylor Swift’s All Too Well on repeat for months after our relationship ended.

No doubt I’m Miss Something in someone else’s story.In most cases, the dates ended on a good note, and I’ve even made some lasting friendships. Just the other week, I caught up with a guy I had dated, and played board games with him and his family.

If you go into dating thinking this is it, I’m going to meet “the one”, it can quickly turn into an exhausting, mildly depressing marathon. Most of the people I’ve met haven’t exactly been a match — and that’s fine. I’m 19, and while I’m open to pursuing something serious if I meet someone I really like, I’m not about to force a relationship just for the sake of it.

My year of online dating has made me realise that the best way to learn about yourself is to learn about others. Every date, every connection, adds something to my story—no time wasted, just lessons and experiences gained.

Lucia Frazzetto is a Melbourne student aiming for a future in social work.

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