For years, Mackenzie Arnold was unaware of an impairment she’d had most of her life

I didn’t properly investigate the gnawing possibility I might have significant hearing loss until almost 29 years after I was tested as a newborn, those results showing my hearing was neither 100 per cent nor bad enough to really worry about.

Mackenzie Arnold would come to realise that she had spent a lot of her life lip-reading. Credit: John Davis

It was about a decade after friends started regularly mentioning they often had to repeat themselves to keep me up to speed in social settings and two-and-a-half years after I realised I had spent a lot of my life lip-reading. It’s not that I was in complete denial; it was more a mix of compartmentalisation and ignorant bliss – until, that is, a global pandemic put every face on earth behind a surgical mask and removed my ability to translate visual signals into the meaning their muffled sounds represent.

Even before COVID-19, Cait [team mate Caitlin Foord] used to cover her mouth sometimes as a joke because she could see me watching her lips move. Instead of taking her point, I’d laugh and tell her to stop being a dickhead then file the issue away again.

When I finally sought and received a diagnosis in October 2022, it made sense genetically. My brother’s hearing loss, while much more severe than mine, was diagnosed at two years and nine months, because his speech was indecipherable. He was fitted with hearing aids and underwent intense speech therapy. At school his teachers attached a little microphone to their collar that broadcast straight into his hearing aids to help him learn in a noisy classroom.

Because of Sam’s impairment, my ears were checked every six months until I was two and then yearly until I was six. The tests found things were overall fine but I do wonder in hindsight if having to work harder than most to hear played a role in my tendency to lose interest so easily during school lessons; if, perhaps, I couldn’t quite keep up with the teacher so started my own, less academic conversations with peers instead. I might have just been a bit naughty but I don’t remember feeling like one of those kids who is loud and obnoxious just for the sake of it.

The girls tried to tell me over and over for years but it was something I just sort of brushed off. Even during COVID, when face masks stopped me from understanding so much, I let it slide. The tipping point for me was probably when Kirst [partner Kirsty Smith] and I got together, because she’s so softly spoken. Sometimes I could barely hear her and she had to repeat herself all the time. I remember we once went for a coffee and Kirsty ordered the coffees through a speaker system. When the cashier spoke back through her speaker, it just sounded like a whole heap of words jumbled together. I couldn’t make sense of any of it. But Kirsty had understood it perfectly. That was probably the moment for me.

I rang Sam on the way to training one morning and said it out loud, “I think I need to have my hearing checked.” Even though Sam has completely normalised wearing hearing aids in our family, it was confronting. I ran through my symptoms with him on the phone.

It helped so much, because he knew exactly what to look for and removed an extra obstacle from the process. I booked an appointment, expecting to have my ears checked and then just walk out. Case closed. I told the audiologist about our family history and that I lip-read a lot and struggle in loud environments where there’s a lot of background noise. I also told her I feel overwhelmed when somebody is talking to me while the TV is on at the same time.

Then I sat inside this little booth with headphones on and had to press a button whenever I heard a sound as it shifted through different frequencies. Once it finished and I walked out, I sat down with her at a computer screen. It showed a graph with two lines that looked pretty normal and a third line that dropped well below the others. She told me I have high-frequency hearing loss, or words to that effect. I hardly remember that bit because I was waiting for what came next: I would definitely need hearing aids. I also learnt that the muscles inside your ear deteriorate further over time if you don’t wear hearing aids because they aren’t being stimulated enough.

I think she realised it was a lot to take in because she stopped and asked how I was feeling. As soon as she said it, I burst into tears. I knew deep down it had been a long time coming; it was just a lot of reality hitting all at once. It was also a bit of a relief to finally know for sure. We talked some more about the various hearing-aid options and I left to head home.

Just before I put the hearing aids in for the first time, Kirsty asked me if I could hear the rain outside. I couldn’t.

MACKENZIE ARNOLD

On the way, I FaceTimed Lans [team mate Alanna Kennedy] and Cait and was crying so much I couldn’t even tell them why I’d called. I kept trying to get it out and they grew increasingly worried I was about to tell them something terrible. When I eventually blurted out that I needed hearing aids, one of them started laughing and said, “Thank God. We thought maybe someone had died.” They both said they were so proud of me. I went home to Kirst and had another cry, then called family back home. It was just a big, overwhelming day.

After that, I moved forward pretty quickly. Kirsty came with me to have the hearing aids fitted about 10 days later, before I went away for international friendlies against Scotland and England, and when I returned we went to pick them up. Just before I put the hearing aids in for the first time, Kirsty asked me if I could hear the rain outside. I couldn’t. As soon as they were in, I could. In hindsight, it was mad that I couldn’t hear things like that, but I obviously didn’t even think twice about it.

The next day, we went for a walk together and I could hear this jingling sound but couldn’t work out what it was. Eventually, I asked Kirst and she said it was just keys moving around in her pocket. A couple of days after that, we went out for dinner and I used the background noise in the restaurant to play around with the settings on the app the hearing aids come with. You can adjust the volume and focus on either what’s right in front of you or take in noises further afield.

The biggest new thing was music – I could hear the lyrics properly! The whole thing was just unreal. My hearing aids also have Bluetooth, so my Spotify can play through them and phone calls come through to them. I ended up with the same kind as my brother and we have spent a bit of time comparing.

Kirsty filmed me picking them up. At the time, she did it with the intention of sending it to my family – because it was a big day and would be nice to have. We ended up having it edited and I posted it on Instagram. It was a cool video but I also thought that, by proactively putting my news out into the world, I might not have to deal with the attention every time someone new noticed them. I figured if everyone could see straight away, it would be done. “Those closest to me know how long I’ve avoided this day, but here’s a little glimpse of a life-changing day for me,” I wrote. “Yesterday I picked up my hearing aids, and although it’s something I’ll need to get used to, I couldn’t be more grateful for this little adjustment.”

I did not predict the response. I received messages from so many parents and kids, and other adults who had also avoided the reality of hearing loss. I still get feedback from the public to this day.

Just after Christmas 2023, I was with my family in Lennox Head and this mum approached me in a random shopping centre and thanked me for being a role model to her children. She herself had a cochlear implant. In February 2024, a couple of girls with hearing aids came to our win over Arsenal just to meet me and thank me. I guess no one really had a role model with hearing loss in sport. I had Sam, but most people go through it on their own. Now I have a partnership with Audika. They retested my hearing again in Australia and fitted me with another pair.

I had already made the decision that I wasn’t going to wear my hearing aids during training and games, especially given how precarious my starting position felt. I didn’t want any big changes that could distract me and prompt a mistake. I’ve since trained a few times in the ones I wear now but I don’t know if I’ll ever wear them during games. The hearing loss doesn’t affect me much when playing. I am doing a lot of the talking rather than the other way around and there’s no way I would be able to hear someone from the sideline over a crowd of 50,000, even if I was wearing them.

Edited extract from MACCA (Penguin Random House) Mackenzie Arnold, on sale October 8.

Get the best of Sunday Life magazine delivered to your inbox every Sunday morning. Sign up here for our free newsletter.