Despite some early hiccups, Layne Beachley and Kirk Pengilly have forged a formidable partnership

Motivational speaker and seven-time world champion surfer Layne Beachley, 47, met INXS member Kirk Pengilly, 61, on a (disastrous) blind date 18 years ago. Their second date was almost as bad – and then the magic began.

Kirk Pengilly on Layne Beachley: "We experienced each other’s professional life and came out of it with huge respect for one another."Credit: James Brickwood

LAYNE: Kirk and I were set up on a blind date by Jon Stevens, the former lead singer of Noiseworks, in 2002. Jon invited me to a private INXS gig where Kirk was performing, and the intention was for Kirk and I to meet. But it was a disaster. Kirk was so rude. He had “important conversations” to have with other people, and wasn’t interested in talking to this sun-bleached surf rat.

But I persisted and took him on a follow-up date. I wanted to see how grounded he was, so we went ten-pin bowling at Sydney’s Dee Why RSL, then to an Italian restaurant where he started talking to me about surfing. I got so bored. There was no chemistry, no interest.

At one stage I went to the bathroom and considered crawling out the window to get away. The owner of the restaurant could see we were struggling, so he sat down with us and opened up a bottle of his nonna’s limoncello, which we finished, and that got the party started.

After that, we let our defences down. I’d recently ended a relationship with [big wave surfer] Ken Bradshaw, who was very serious, but Kirk loved to laugh at himself. And for a man who had immense fame and fortune, he was very connected to reality.

In the first five years, we spent more time apart than together: I was on the pro surf tour and he’d be overseas playing and recording music. But we communicated daily, and had this unspoken understanding of trust and acceptance, so when we came back together it was like no time had passed.

He’s still very different to me. He’s mildly OCD. All his clothes are beautifully hung: the long sleeved shirts together; his jeans in one spot. The minute a letter comes in he opens it, deals with it and files it away. I’ll open something and leave it on the kitchen bench. After a week or two, he’ll say, “How long is this going to live here?”

It’s the same in our garden. He sees weeds everywhere and pulls them out. But I don’t even see them. He’s had to educate me on what weeds are.

I taught him how to surf once: I put him in a rip and he panicked and had a dummy spit. Then he gave me singing lessons for a birthday years ago. He doesn’t play music much anymore, though. After touring for 35 years playing the same music with the same guys, you get fed up with it. But it’s not like that with surfing, which is my creative outlet and relaxation. He’s very supportive of that. He encourages me to surf, especially if I’m grumpy.

He’s one of the most thoughtful and sensitive people I know. When I’m out surfing, he’ll find my towel and lay it in the sun so it’s warm when I come back. And if he walks down to get a coffee, on the way back he’ll find a beautiful frangipani and put it on my computer.

“That’s what I love about her: she takes risks and has that zest for living. I’ve grown and changed a lot because of her.”

Kirk Pengilly

I feel our relationship is a good case of how opposites attract. When we first met, he drank white wine and I drank red. We now meet in the middle and drink rosé, which seems to have worked pretty well.

KIRK: When I first met Layne, I was absolutely not interested. I was doing a gig in the city and a lot of old friends were there and I was trying to catch up with them, and Layne kept coming up and interrupting, so I was saying, “Can you wait a little bit?” But she chiselled my phone number
out of me, called a week later and we went on another date.

That wasn’t great, either. At one stage Layne went off to the bathroom and I was sitting there wondering if I should leave money on the table and do a runner. But we’d drunk a bit, and she got the hiccups on the way home, and I found that endearing.

For the first five years we were together she lived in her house at Curl Curl [on Sydney’s northern beaches] and I was in inner-city Potts Point. She wanted to stay at her place mostly so she could surf, and I loved Potts Point with all the bars and the city and the noise. When we decided to move in together we looked for a place, and of course it had to be near the beach, preferably with a view. We found a place in 2007, but it was a big life change for me. It was like moving to the country.

At first, I knew nothing about surfing or contests. I’d go along but I felt out of place. When she lost a heat, I saw that she’d stall on the beach, to avoid fans or the cameras, because quite often she’d be having a cry. So I’d go down and be with her.

And then she came on a tour with us around the US, and after two weeks of drinking every night and sleeping on a bus, I joked that she needed to go to the Betty Ford health clinic. So we experienced each other’s professional life and came out of it with huge respect for one another.

She can be a tough nut. At eight she found out that she was adopted. All the kids at school would say to her, “Why don’t you look like your brother?” So her adoptive dad told her. It turned out that her biological mum was 17 when she had Layne: she later told Layne that it had been date rape, and so she didn’t know who the father was. Layne’s immediate reaction was that she was not loved. And that was perhaps one of the driving forces for her to achieve so much.

When she retired from pro surfing, in 2008, it left a big hole in her life. She got deeply depressed, and it was hard to know how to help. I think because she’d been a solo performer all her career, she learnt to deal with things herself. Expressing vulnerability is hard for her. She thought: “What do I do now?” So she started a few things, like an activewear label, but that didn’t work, even though she had great ideas. Then she really sank her teeth into public speaking, and is fantastic at it.

That’s what I love about her: she takes risks and has that zest for living. I’ve grown and changed a lot because of her. She’s quite an inspiring person.

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