As a visiting Frenchwoman, I find Australian men to be not at all what I expected

It’s often said that there’s nothing like fully immersing yourself in a culture to learn all its secrets. Although, as a 20-year-old French woman, I was already delighted with all the countries I had discovered, none of them had really opened their doors to me.

Convinced of the truth of the saying, “You only have one life: that’s why you have to try everything”, I decided to go and work in Australia for several months.

Elyne Le Faou in Melbourne.

When I arrived, my choice to work as a waitress was not insignificant: the world of hospitality is a true reflection of society, immersing you in the local culture, tradition and codes, and introducing you to a diverse range of people.

Working in this industry enabled me to observe the many ways in which Australia and France differ in terms of social norms. One difference in particular caught my attention: men’s behaviour towards women.

Many people associate France with its image of elegance and sophistication. However, France has changed. Now, women regularly experience harassment and insults in the street; it’s hard to feel completely at ease there when you’re a woman. Although this behaviour can be attributed to a minority of men, it does create a mistrust of men in general, as is often the case for women’s experiences with men.

With this experience of everyday interactions in France in the back of my mind, my first steps in Australia were, to say the least, surprising.

The advantage of being a young woman who likes to go out, visit or simply walk around the city, is that you can easily observe the culture. In glances, interactions and exchanges, it didn’t take me long to notice one key thing: the friendliness.

Generally speaking, in Melbourne and other Australian cities, there is a certain laid-back open-mindedness and freedom regarding style of dress, customs and beliefs. I found this tolerance to be reflected in the attitude of men, whether they were fixtures in my daily life or people I met briefly along the way.

I wondered if this attitude would also be the case in hospitality. After three months’ working at University Cafe in Carlton, the answer was yes. While the kindness of the customers could sometimes be explained by their curiosity about my origins, I found in them a real warmth and politeness towards the female staff in general.

However, I did notice some peculiarities linked to the professional aspect of the hospitality setting. As a waitress, I was there to serve the customers – a position that gave the men a little power. They were sometimes more tactile or bold about remarking on waitresses’ physical appearance. One man touched my ponytail without asking. During a trial at another restaurant, I was told: “As you’re pretty, you’ll stay in front to attract customers.” Despite this, I never felt under threat the way I do at home.

In Australia, it felt to me as if women were not as constantly judged – whether by remarks or insistent looks – which has become the norm for women in France. I found that generally, Australian men took a more neutral, and therefore more reassuring, approach. It’s behaviour that I suspect may also be due to a greater degree of shyness.

I was rarely approached spontaneously by Australian men, even at a party, and the few times that I was, they were brief and courteous. I still remember one evening when a young man stopped next to me and said: “I don’t want to bother you, but I wanted to tell you that you’re pretty.” Without another word, he left. From this simple encounter, I sensed a certain respect and caution in Australian men’s actions, whatever their age. It was a behaviour that reinforced a general feeling of safety. On many occasions, I walked home alone in the middle of the night – an ordinary act in Melbourne, perhaps, but entirely inconceivable in France.

Among the many great memories I accumulated over my time in Australia, one image often comes to mind: that of the smiles constantly present on the faces of diners in the restaurant.

My experience was one of benevolent and respectful behaviour, both in my repeat encounters with co-workers and customers, and with the men I met only in passing.

Elyne Le Faou is now studying journalism in Paris.

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