A goal-setting getaway helps this family focus on the year ahead

Rifle through Simi Rayat’s luggage for her summer trip with her husband Harvin and two sons, and alongside the usual leisurewear you can expect to find whiteboards, highlighters, Post-it notes, large flip charts and a portable speaker.

That’s because the annual mini break they schedule between Christmas and New Year is about far more than relaxation – it’s a family “retreat” designed for collectively reflecting on the year that was and mapping out the year to come.

Simi Rayat with husband Harvin and their sons Eashar, 10, and Har-Rai, 6.Credit: Luis Enrique Ascui

“It’s more than just a getaway, it’s four days of intentional time for reflection and collaboration and really refocusing on what matters to us as a family and as individuals,” says Rayat, a Melbourne-based psychologist and author of Productivity Joy.

“We celebrate our wins and acknowledge anything we didn’t achieve or didn’t go our way so we can let go of any baggage from the last year. Then we set intentions for the year ahead.”

Setting goals as a family

Rayat had the idea of family goal setting after seeing the success her corporate clients were having from “off sites”. She found a property near Daylesford, Victoria, with a fire pit for toasting marshmallows and no phone reception and, three years later, it’s an annual affair.

“It’s not just about setting goals but uncovering why that goal is important,” she says.

“The more we understand each other’s goals, the better we can support each other in our day-to-day routines. We go on other holidays throughout the year, but this one is about disconnecting so we can reconnect with ourselves and each other.”

When Rayat’s eldest son, Eashar, 10, set a goal to make a representative basketball team, they made a plan for him to get extra coaching and commit to 20 minutes of daily practice. When Rayat shared her goal to write a book last year, they mapped out a way for her to spend eight weeks writing, knowing that she would need the family’s help with household duties.

“The kids were clear on what I needed to do, and they understood that I was going to be away on writing retreats or unavailable to help,” she says.

“It’s important for them to recognise that we all play a role in the family unit to help each other with those individual goals.”

Back home, they stick a flip chart detailing their goals to the wall of the master bedroom, and schedule quarterly family dinners to check in on each other’s progress.

“The kids come in and out of the bedroom all the time and can see it – it’s visible, front-of-mind and important to us,” Rayat says.

“Every quarter we get together to do a quick reflection on how we’re tracking against those goals: what’s worked well, what are our learnings, and what do we need to focus on? Then we update anything we need on the flip chart.”

Family dinners are a good time to check in on goals.Credit: iStock

A family mission

Rayat is not the only one taking a whole-family approach to goal setting. Professor Emily Oster, an economist and the founder of parentdata.org, advocates writing a family mission statement to kick off the new year.

“It can help you feel more in control of day-to-day decision-making and clear about what you want to prioritise,” she writes on Instagram.

Her family’s mission is to “raise independent adults”, and she also takes the time to list three big goals for the children and three big goals for herself.

“Think big life goals [for the children], not ‘use a fork better’,” she says.

“Set three priorities for you – what do you want to make sure you get time for?”

Oster’s priorities for her children are independence, self-esteem and schooling. For herself, it’s protecting family time, writing and running.

“You can come back to these anytime you’re feeling overwhelmed by a busy calendar or unclear on how to approach a family decision,” she says.

Starting the tradition

If you’re unsure where to begin on setting a family mission statement, Perth psychologist Dr Marny Lishman suggests you visualise yourselves in a year’s time on December 31, 2025, reflecting on the year that went.

“You can tap into your future self to tell you where to go – it might be, ‘We’ve gone on four holidays’, or, ‘We ate dinner together twice a week’, or, ‘We exercised three times a week’,” says the author of Crisis to Contentment.

Lishman, whose children are 16 and 18, agrees that goal setting as a group can be an effective way of managing different personalities and motivations, and pegging it to the new year will help make the conversation regular.

“Ask yourselves, ‘What do we want to achieve?’ We’re complex creatures, and when you’re dealing with a group – whether it’s a family or a workplace – it’s important to have these discussions or else you’re all going to go in a different way, driven by your own goals,” she says.

“We wear so many hats as parents, and often those deeper conversations don’t happen. Making this a ritual is going to help you not be [so] reactive, just going with whatever is happening on a day.”

Fun is paramount for piquing your family’s interest in the activity, Lishman says, but if some members are still hesitant, leading by example might rub off.

“Not everyone’s driven by the same things, and not everyone’s going to be engaged,” she says.

“Don’t give yourself a hard time if some people aren’t going to come on board. The beautiful thing about some of us being clear and conscious with our goals is that by doing it and benefiting from it, those who were a ‘no’ at the beginning might see the benefits and then come along when they see how it’s working.”

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