These small interactions can make or break your day

On a wildly windy day recently, I found myself wrangling an abandoned, rogue, and very uncooperative trolley bashing against cars in a supermarket car park back to the bay. While I didn’t do this for any reason apart from hopefully saving a car – including my own – from receiving a dent, when a stranger stopped me to say that she hoped I’d get a “good win in the lotto” for my actions, it made my day.

Small things may seem insignificant, but they can have the opposite effect on someone’s day, “making your mood,” says clinical psychologist Dr Rebecca Ray.

Small interactions, whether positive or negative, can have major impacts on mood.Credit: Getty Images

“A stranger holding the door, a friendly chat with your barista, or someone giving way in traffic can leave you feeling lighter,” she says.

Ray says positive effects occur because our brains are wired to notice social interactions that signal we’re safe, valued, or included.

“Positive moments also give us a little dopamine boost, helping us feel more connected,” she says.

Clinical psychologist and Beyond Blue spokesperson Dr Luke Martin says that sometimes it’s also the unexpected nature of these small acts that intensifies our emotions.

“It’s like adding a drop of food dye to water – it spreads and colours our perception of the entire day,” he says.

Positive “small things” can help us adopt a more optimistic and generous mindset, which is beneficial in the short term (dopamine and mood boost) and the long term (buffering against stress, increasing our patience and making us kinder to ourselves).

“It’s like a bank account that’s in a positive balance, when something annoying or irritating happens we’ve got enough credit to put it in perspective and brush it off, “says Martin.

While the kind words from a stranger positively influenced my day, small, negative interactions can have the opposite effect.

“A single frustrating moment can colour the rest of the day if we let it,” says Ray, affecting our mood and potentially making us minimise the positive aspects of our lives.

We do this because our brains have an inherent negativity bias, which makes us naturally focus on problems, says Dr Paula Robinson, psychologist, and CEO of the Positive Psychology Institute.

“The human brain is designed to process negativity stronger and longer. It’s unfortunate, but it helps us survive.”

As well as putting us in a bad mood, it can reduce our bandwidth for dealing with small things not going to plan.

“This is why we can see big reactions to small incidents on the road or with unhappy customers in a shop. We’re often seeing the straw that breaks the camel’s back, and this incident has tipped them over their coping point,” says Martin.

The good news, he says, is that we can set ourselves up for a more positive day, so even if a negative “small thing” does occur, we can be more prepared to deal with it.

We can do this by starting our day with a sense of control, by waking up earlier so we’re more organised and less flustered and focusing on what is going well in our lives, which can help shift our mindset to a more positive place.

Brightening someone else’s day can also help.

“Acts of kindness not only help others but also boost your own mood, thanks to what’s known as the helper’s high,” Martin says.

But if a negative “little thing” has already put a dampener on your day, there are some simple ways to recover.

• Pause and reset – take a deep breath, stretch, or step outside for a moment.
• Put it in perspective- hard days or bad days are inevitable, and it’s often more helpful to hold them lightly and view them as part of the mix of life.
• Reframe the situation – ask yourself, “Will this matter in a week/month/year?”
• Reflect – If we are feeling more sensitive or reactive to the day, it can help to stop and think about what’s underneath these reactions and to ask yourself what you need to regain your balance.
• Actively shift your focus – look for something good, no matter how small.
• Let go of what you can’t control – not everything deserves your energy.
• Practise self-compassion – be kind to yourself and remember that it’s OK to have off days. Everyone does, and it’s not a personal failing.

Beyond Blue is here to help: If you or someone you know needs mental health support, reach out to Beyond Blue’s free 24/7 service on 1300 22 4636 or chat to a Beyond Blue counsellor online www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support 

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