Anyone new to Sydney (that is, still under the five-year residency requirement) will appreciate how difficult it is to meet people - let alone people you'd eventually like to meet your parents.
Even so, do you really want to tell your grandkids how you met grandma, or grandpa, on your sixth attempt at speed dating?
Instead, how about turning your love radar on at places where people go every day and make out that it's an everyday thing for you to be there, too.
The grocery store
I tried Woolworths, Double Bay
It wasn't long ago that people were whispering that Wednesday night shopping at Woolies in Double Bay was really just a cover for singles to meet. Something about pushing your trolley backwards, or buying the deli out of its entire frankfurt supply to show that you were available?
Matthew, a checkout chap, has heard rumours.
"When I first started, there was talk that the way you placed your bananas in your basket - either pointing up or pointing down - showed your availability," he says.
"Apparently, it's the same at the Neutral Bay store, but, I dunno, every second person buys bananas."
Banana sales had hit an all-time low when I dropped in, but there were a lot of people shopping alone.
After wondering aloud about whether or not the leftovers from a meal kit for two could be saved - and gaining no response - I tried fondling some Lebanese eggplants and sniffing a mango provocatively, which only aroused the attention of a very well-dressed older woman.
About 35 years older than my 23, but, according to Matthew, it's the mature ladies who are the most forward.
"I've been hit on a few times by old ladies," he says. "One woman in her 70s invited me to the Inter-Continental and another one, who shops here regularly, approached me on a near-empty bus."
Music festivals
I tried the Big Day Out
This could be any street fair, nightclub or, let's face it, pub with a jukebox in your local area - but having the choice of 65,000 punters at a festival with no pass outs (like the Big Day Out) does up the odds.
Everyone's extremely friendly, too - especially after a couple of cans of JD.
The problem is, $100 for a ticket really puts seeing the bands higher on the list of priorities.
I asked one guy who smiled at me in the drinks queue if he'd skip Queens of the Stone Age to chat with me on the grass. His suggested compromise was that I sit on his lap while he watched the band. I declined.
The beach
I tried Bondi Beach
Imagine trying to meet someone at a nudist colony. All your good bits are up for scrutiny and there's no way of disguising your not-so-good bits until after your love interest has fallen head over bare feet for you. Save for a few triangles of material, it can be a bit confronting.
Still, body confidence abounds at Bondi - to the point you could be forgiven for thinking you've stumbled onto the set of a Shaggy film clip.
Last Sunday a group of Lebanese-Australian guys were busy playing their drums. Some of their girlfriends were belly-dancing to it, and before you know it several other girls had joined in for an impromptu beach party.
If I had had more than a Poko Pano (Brazilian-style) bikini covering my body - my big step towards loving what I've got and letting it, er, jiggle - I might have had the guts to join them.
The gym
I tried Fitness First, Dee Why
Most of us work out to make ourselves more attractive to the opposite sex, so putting out the vibe while you're perfecting your package can save time.
To be sure you meet every gym member who could possibly make you break a sweat, visit on as many different days/times as you can. If that doesn't work, join a chain gym, such as Fitness First, where your membership lets you use 15 branches in NSW.
It's easy to talk to people, too. "Have you finished with those weights?" and "Do you know what time Body Combat starts?" were both met with a yes.
Clearly, all you have to do is change your question to: "Would you like to exercise at my house?"
Lawn bowls
I tried Paddington Bowling Club
Riding on the success of Mick Malloy's film Crackerjack, lawn bowl greens are the new, er, pool tables.
Players still get to stand around watching their opponents bend over to take a shot, it's outdoors, and drinks are half the price of most places in the eastern suburbs.
If you do meet your partner at a lawn bowls club, you'll still be "playing" with them many, many, many years later. You should probably give this serious thought if you don't really like lawn bowls.
Sunday afternoon drinks
I tried Northies, Cronulla
For those doing the 9-to-5 slog, Sunday nights are the last chance to "socialise" before another long, lonely week of work.
The downside is that most people still drinking on Sunday are probably the ones who had no luck with love on Friday or Saturday night.
The upside is that everyone's standards have dropped by at least 30 per cent.
Sutherland locals are notoriously friendly and, since the place is a bit of a shire institution, introducing yourself to one person means you'll soon be meeting 10 or more of their closest mates. Those from outside the shire have an upper hand, too, because they have the touch of the exotic about them.
Dance classes
I tried Sydney Dance Company
I know some guys who plan to take up jazz ballet every time they've put six beers away.
It's a pretty good idea - the beginners' dance classes at the Sydney Dance Company are full of fit women and few men, and they're extremely accepting of people who can't dance.
Just don't rock up in your boardies clutching a little black book or you might be made to stand in a corner on pointe shoes for not taking the art of dance seriously.
The art gallery
I tried Picasso at the Art Gallery of NSW
Picasso's later work is vibrant and creative, adventurous and innovative - just like you. So, logically, anyone who likes later-Picasso should like you, too.
A passing comment can strike a chord: "He's brilliant, of course, but Juan Gris was always the better Cubist."
You never know, he or she might turn out to be a relative of Juan Gris.
Walking the dog
I tried everywhere from Bondi Beach to Canada Bay
Like babysitting children that are obviously not yours in public places and walking around with a cockatoo on your shoulder, taking a dog for a walk often attracts conversation and, sometimes, affection from strangers.
I'm lucky enough to own a six-month-old Staffie - not solely bought for the purpose of picking up - but you'll find that most dog owners are happy to let friends take over the walking duties occasionally.
While walking my dog Beau, I have been stopped by just about every Staffie enthusiast in Sydney - and twice they have been cute guys. Both spoken for, unfortunately.
But guys note: heaps of girls stop to pat and cuddle Beau, which sometimes leads to long conversations.
If I and the girls who have stopped me were lesbians, by now I would have found one to settle down and raise a litter of Staffies with.