By Jake Wilson
BRIDE HARD ★½
(M) 105 minutes
Hell hath no fury like Rebel Wilson armed with a pair of curling irons – but even if you’re enticed by that image, or more broadly by the concept of a blend of spy caper and chick flick, I can’t recommend Bride Hard as a fun night out.
Rebel Wilson is a spy masquerading as someone who designs plinths for cat shows in Bride Hard.
Credit where it’s due, however: Wilson at this point ranks as one of Australia’s more durable international movie stars, something no one could have predicted when she started out in the early 2000s as Toula in Fat Pizza.
On screen, Wilson is all about making it look as if she’s barely trying. Yet, her career trajectory implies relentless determination, especially the way she’s graduated from supporting roles, such as Fat Amy in the Pitch Perfect films, to comic vehicles of her own.
This paradox comes close to being the subject of Bride Hard, where her character Sam Doolan allows her friends to believe she makes a living designing plinths for cat shows when in fact she’s a reckless but highly competent secret agent in the James Bond mould.
Rebel Wilson in Bride hard, where the supporting cast members all appear to be acting in separate movies.
How was she recruited into the world of espionage? We never find out, nor is it clear what motivated her to shake off her usual bored indifference for long enough to acquire the required skill set.
Her Australian accent, too, remains a mystery, considering she’s been friends since childhood with the all-American Betsy (Anna Camp), who’s about to be married on a private island off the coast of Georgia when the nuptials are interrupted by terrorists (the plot is a riff on Die Hard, if you hadn’t guessed).
How much any of this matters is debatable: Bride Hard is nothing if not the kind of movie that invites you to turn your brain off. But if you haven’t actually slipped into a coma, you have to think about something, and even in light comedy it can be helpful if all logic hasn’t been thrown out the window.
It’s not like there’s much compensation elsewhere, certainly not in the minimally budgeted action scenes. The British director Simon West has fallen a long way since his over-the-top 1997 debut Con Air: while Sam sneaks around the island offing terrorists, the running time is padded with lengthy, inert stretches of dialogue back in the reception area where the other guests are being held hostage.
The supporting cast members all appear to be acting in separate movies while doing their best to maintain their personal standards of professionalism (most successfully in the case of Stephen Dorff as the “white trash” terrorist leader, who wears a gold chain and rants about “elites”).
As for Wilson, there’s an occasional effort to pretend Sam is a real person with real emotions, but mostly it’s a matter of sounding as bored as possible while delivering lines such as “kiss my freshly waxed arse”.
“I know all this is crap,” the tone seems to imply, “But I’m rich and famous, so who is the joke really on?” If nothing else, such passive aggression feels deeply and authentically Australian.
Bride Hard is released in cinemas on July 31.
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