Nobody wanted to be in Canberra for Treasurer Jim Chalmers’ fourth budget.
Nobody except for Clive Palmer. The billionaire mining magnate and his wife, Anna, flew in on his private jet on Tuesday afternoon to watch Chalmers’ speech.
Clive Palmer, Trumpet of Patriots chairman, arrives at Parliament House on Budget day.Credit: Alex Ellinghausen
And nobody is really sure why he came, least of all the wannabe political chaos agent himself.
“It’s a lot of hoo-ha about nothing, really,” Palmer said of the budget, speaking exclusively to CBD outside Parliament House.
After spending $110 million at the last election all to get one single senator elected, Palmer was effectively forced to rebrand his United Australia Party as the Trumpet of Patriots. He reckons the polling looks strong – although he would say that.
“Everywhere I go, people say that they want change in Australia. They’re sick of that Tweedledum, Tweedledee, dumber and dumber, B1, B2, Liberal, Labor, whatever you want to call them,” he opined.
The budget is “a lot of hoo-ha about nothing”, says Palmer.Credit: Alex Ellinghausen
As for his thoughts on Chalmers:
“I think he should retire,” Palmer said of the treasurer.
“He’s relying on his bureaucrats, his department, his masters, and that’s why the policies are the same because the policy is written by the Australian public service on both sides of the coin.
“It’s not written by Peter Dutton, a former policeman. I’m sure he’s a financial whiz,” he quipped.
Aside from Palmer’s entrance, the build-up to Tuesday night’s budget was oddly subdued. Blame it on former tropical cyclone Alfred. A few weeks ago, most political insiders would’ve expected to be in the thick of an election campaign until the weather had other ideas. But it meant most staff involved with the Labor campaign remained cloistered in the party’s Surry Hills headquarters rather than return to Canberra.
Pre-budget sales pitch … Prime Minister Anthony Albanese, Treasurer Jim Chalmers and Finance Minister Katy Gallagher. Credit: Dominic Lorrimer
Parliament’s Aussies Cafe, usually a grotesque frenzy of flesh-pressing at the best of times, was the quietest your correspondent has ever seen it on budget day. Instead, most of the lobbyists, business types and assorted grifters who normally loiter in the corridors kept away. On TikTok, this would be labelled a #recessionindicator.
Reports that the Albanese government had opened the doors to a bunch of Labor-sympathetic influencers sent a shiver of excitement through the younger inmates of Parliament House. But they were all holed up in the budget lock-up, away from CBD’s prying eyes. What’s an influencer to do without a phone?
CBD did run into a few of the usual suspects hanging out in the corridors of power. Former federal treasurer and Labor elder statesman Wayne Swan, who’s done a few of these in his time, held court at Aussies.
Chalmers speaking to the media.Credit: Alex Ellinghausen
Swan is chair of superannuation fund CBus, a role which has dragged him reluctantly before the Senate for a bit of a grilling in a Coalition-led inquiry into the sector.
That industry was amply represented on Tuesday, with a contingent from the Association of Superannuation Funds of Australia, led by chief executive Mary Delahunty, occupying a table throughout the afternoon. National Press Club vice president and Super Members Council chief executive Misha Schubert was also around.
Also out in force were representatives from Responsible Wagering Australia, the peak body representing the gambling industry, including chief executive Kai Cantwell. Given they’ve already had major win in getting gambling reform off the table until after the next election, what more could they want?
Australian Council of Trade Unions boss Michele O’Neil did the rounds. Veteran political strategist and notorious “preference whisperer” Glenn Druery, chief-of-staffing for Labor defector Fatima Payman, trailed the senator around the corridors, stopping to speak in hushed tones.
Opposition Leader Peter Dutton during question time.Credit: Getty Images
A few of the ubiquitous yellow-and-black striped ties of the all-powerful Pharmacy Guild of Australia were also spotted, including the lobbying group’s mercurial boss, Trent Twomey.
Meanwhile, all talk in the bubble was about the timing of the upcoming election. According to one particularly vicious but widely discredited rumour, Anthony Albanese could call the election on Wednesday, just to nuke Opposition Leader Peter Dutton’s plans to regain some momentum with his Thursday night budget reply speech.
That probably won’t happen. But it’s only a matter of days until we’re on the campaign trail proper, freak weather events be damned.
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