Ellyse Perry reveals her greats fears in her new book, Perspective

She’s one of Australia’s greatest athletes but cricketer Ellyse Perry reveals some of her greatest fears in her new book.

• Ellyse Perry reveals the secret to her success
• How being a good person is more important than winning

She takes to the pitch in front of thousands and makes countless off-field public appearances, but cricket star Ellyse Perry has a surprising vulnerability. In this exclusive extract from her new book Perspective she frankly reveals that side of her character — and shares her thoughts about social media.

When I’m away from sport and not doing something I have much self-belief in, I can lack self-confidence at times. Playing sport, I feel comfortable and I feel like I can be myself because I’ve worked at it, prepared for it, and there aren’t many situations that I’m unfamiliar with. That doesn’t translate to everyday life.

I’m pretty shy. I’m so bad at public speaking. I can answer questions in front of a crowd, that seems to be fine, but standing up there by myself and delivering some kind of speech, I’m the worst. I hate it.

Cricketer Ellyse Perry with dad Mark and mum Kathy.

If I have to do a speech, if there’s no way I can get out of it, or if it’s something I really should do, I won’t sleep the night before. I’ll feel ill the entire day leading up to it. I won’t be able to eat if it’s after a dinner, which makes things even worse. I can’t breathe. I can’t think straight. I forget what I’m meant to be saying. I get this incredible tightness in my chest. I take these huge gulps of air and the sentences get shorter and shorter because I keep running out of breath.

In big crowds, I don’t know, I’m completely hopeless.

It’s horrible.

Ellyse Perry and her brother Damien.

I can’t seem to look up when I walk into a room with lots of people there. Any kind of social situation, particularly when I’m by myself, can be a real challenge.

With people I know well, I’m fine. But otherwise, I’m so awkward. I want so much for things to not be awkward that I just make it even more awkward!

I absolutely hate confrontation — that’s another trait I’ve come to accept about myself.

There’s nothing wrong with any of it. It’s good to know yourself.

Trying to be perfect is overrated. Trying to do your best is the accomplishment.

No one is perfect, and no one should be made to feel like they have to be perfect. It’s nice that we all have unique qualities that make us different as athletes and humans. That’s why it’s so important to surround yourself with people who truly care about you.

Everyone is going to have a different opinion about you. You can’t control that. I’ve just tried to do what’s natural for me. Whether or not it works out, I can’t complain because I’ve done it in a way that I feel good about. I haven’t tried to be what everyone thinks I should be. Self-perception is the only perception that really matters.

Ellyse Perry: Don’t pretend your weaknesses don’t exist.

You don’t have to pretend your weaknesses don’t exist. They’re part of who you are, they’re completely normal, and once you’re open about them it’s easier to see what you can do about them.

I completely don’t mind when friends take the piss out of me, because it says to me that they accept all my idiosyncrasies — of which I have many. It’s actually one of my favourite things. And I’m more than happy to take the piss out of them in return.

I’ve always admired people who have this great ability to do what they do well and take it seriously, while never actually taking themselves too seriously. I think there is a great balance and outlook to find in that.

It’s empowering and liberating to accept yourself for who you really are.

There is often such a disconnect on social media between what people are pretending to be and what they really are. There’s clearly no understanding that life is full of ups and downs, because when you look at a feed it can seem that everyone else is having non-stop ups.

Life has both ups and downs. Social media only shows the ups. Ellyse Perry and friends Georgia Clarke, Perry, Alicia Hetherington, Catrina Hetherington and Jacqui Stevenson.

The person you portray yourself as on social media isn’t as important as the person you actually are when you’re off the internet. If those two people are the same people, you’re onto something.

These are my strengths and these are my weaknesses. When you throw them all together, you have a proper person.

I love this notion of kids being ‘anti-fragile’ — that, by nature, children are meant to be so resilient and unstoppable and the rulers of their own world, because they haven’t been exposed to everything else that goes on in the broader world.

Ellyse Perry with brother Damien being “anti-fragile” as kids.

Childhood is their chance to grow and develop in their own way, as their own person, without the influence or distraction of things that they shouldn’t have to know about or worry about at their age.

I think social media has dragged kids out of their own realm and into the adult world far sooner than they need to be. It’s given rise to issues in relation to anxiety and depression.

There’s too much pressure to impress, to get likes.

Ellyse Perry says there is too much pressure to get “likes” on social media.

Social media doesn’t show what people’s lives really are. You’re comparing all your mundane stuff to other people’s highlights. I think it’s just about being able to decipher between what is a genuine depiction and what is a distorted or idealised picture of reality.

I can’t say I’ve had any bad experiences with social media because, to be honest, I hardly ever use it. If there’s been nastiness directed at me, I’ve most likely missed it. There are better things to do in the real world. If there’s drama on social media, it can start to dominate your life – where’s the sense in that?

I’m not trying to preach to anyone to not be on social media. There is certainly some good in it if it’s used well and you’re connecting with people you really want to connect with. There are also people and organisations worthy of attention, those who use social media in a way that creates positivity and provides inspiration and motivation to a lot of people.

How I play sport and how I interact with people in real life is more important to me than trying to post a witty comment with a photo. It’s also a fair bit harder to be good at that. I’d prefer to be judged by the way I carry myself on and off a sporting field, how I respond to life in the moment. Hopefully I do that well enough.

Ellyse Perry with Marisa Logan.

As athletes, it’s our responsibility to do the right thing by the people who choose to support our team, and we really value that support. However, I do believe there is a fine line between expressing your appreciation and allowing athletes to maintain an element of privacy. Social media has blurred that line even more, as everyone is much more accessible and to a higher personal degree. The expectation about what you should share and when you can be contacted has gone to a whole new level.

Ellyse Perry and husband Matt To’omua

What I’m trying to express is that I know I have actively made the decision to engage in public life through playing sport — and I hope that is how I can have an impact on society in a positive way — but I don’t want to compromise the things that are sacred to me and the people who are close to me by creating an online image of myself that isn’t authentic or that covers up all the flaws I have.

I’d much rather show the real version of me, which is far less spectacular than the virtual version, but actually better and more meaningful because it’s authentic and imperfect.

The front cover from Ellyse Perry’s new book

Perspective, by Ellyse Perry, is published by HarperCollins Australia and is on sale tomorrow (Monday, Nov 4)

Originally published as Ellyse Perry reveals her greats fears in her new book, Perspective