Meghan and Harry need William and Kate more than ever

The Royal Family has never had it easy when it comes to public interest, but if the Sussexes want their marriage to go the distance they should be reaching out to those who came before them, writes Angela Mollard.

A year ago this week I attended the Australian Geographic Awards where the Duke and Duchess of Sussex handed out trophies to some of our most notable conservationists and adventurers.

A former colleague and I were within a metre of the couple as they shook hands with the award-winners and while I was struck by their natural warmth, she was having none of it.

“I give it five and two,” she whispered.

“Five and two?” I queried.

“Five years and two kids before they split.”

At the time it seemed a cruel analysis of the newly-pregnant duchess and everyone’s favourite prince. Their love was palpable and Meghan was tough. Indeed, Prince Charles was so taken with his daughter-in-law’s strength he nicknamed her “tungsten”.

MORE FROM ANGELA MOLLARD: What Meghan should learn from Diana

A year on I’m not so sure my colleague’s prediction won’t come to pass and if the couple were to falter under the pressure it would be the worst royal divorce in modern history. Would Meghan move back to America, taking Archie with her and leaving Harry more broken than he already is? Or would the Queen step in and forbid the 7th in line to the throne from leaving British soil?

Pundits have wasted no time speculating about the marriage of Meghan and Harry. Picture: Tolga Akmen/AFP

While it’s unsavoury to speculate on the intimacies of anyone else’s marriage it’s not unreasonable to hypothesise on what could happen if the pressure becomes too much for Harry and Meghan. Statistics show 42 per cent of marriages in the UK end in divorce and while the Sussexes enjoy greater wealth and comfort than most, they are arguably far more vulnerable, and not just because of the constant scrutiny and criticism.

Whether you believe the royal couple should adopt a stiff upper lip or you empathise with their candour, what they have made blisteringly and unquestionably clear is that they’re unhappy. Right now that unhappiness is caused by external forces but those forces – which in civilians can be anything from redundancy and infertility to sickness or money troubles – have a habit of eroding otherwise functioning relationships.

MORE FROM ANGELA MOLLARD: Is Meghan fed up with royal life?

How Meghan and Harry manage the stress of their current situation and how they are supported is now critical. High-profile and widely scrutinised marriages can survive, as the Cambridges, the Obamas and our own Princess Mary and Prince Frederick have proved. Simply, it takes maturity, togetherness and a little less self-pity.

Michelle and Barack Obama, pictured in 2009. The state of their union has never been questioned. Picture: AP Photo/Charles Dharapak

In the documentary about their tour to Africa – which became less travelogue and more a counselling session concerned with their precarious emotional state – Harry appeared troubled and agitated while Meghan confessed they were taking one day at a time, “existing, not living”. Her British friends had warned her against marrying Harry, she confided, a worry she had “naively” dismissed.

While the pair seem united for now, they lack the anchor points that might tether them when one snaps at the other, an inevitability when Harry is riddled with guilt and Meghan is questioning what she has got herself into. Both are children of divorce so they have no parental model of conflicts being settled and challenges worked through. That doesn’t mean they don’t have the emotional equipment to solve disagreements, but it’s a skill they’ll need to learn rather than one observed through the normal tussle of family life.

Meghan and Harry are keeping a busy schedule despite the scrutiny. Picture: Jeremy Selwyn/Getty Images

They both enjoy strong relationships with one parent but are desperately lacking the familial safe haven that can provide a buffer against the world. Meghan’s mother lives an ocean away and her father and toxic stepsister undermine her at every turn.

One of the reasons Prince William was so attracted to Kate Middleton was because her family was loving, solid and fiercely private. Not only has that given his wife an innate stability but the Middletons and their home has provided a sanctuary for the future King.

Prince Charles’s residences are clearly comfortable but for Harry, who effectively grew up at boarding school, they fail to provide a true sense of “home”.

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Worse, Harry has shut out his greatest ally – his brother. You can see exactly how it played out. Careful, mindful William – the man who wanted to be sure before proposing to his girlfriend of seven years – reportedly warned his brother about marrying in haste. Showing the same sort of petulance he occasionally exhibits to the media, Harry took offence, doubtless sharing his brother’s concerns with his beloved.

The couple seem a decade away from their happy wedding day. Picture: Ben Stansall/AFP

Instead of seeing the intervention as well-meaning, the Sussexes have adopted an “us and them” approach curiously similar to the tactic Thomas Markle has taken with his daughter.

None of this bodes well. For all her troubles Princess Diana would’ve given her youngest son and his wife the guidance they both so desperately need. Her love, humour and investment in their togetherness combined with her deep working knowledge of the royal family would’ve provided ballast and hard-won wisdom.

Without her the Sussexes are adrift, floating between paid flunkies who are proving horribly inadequate at damage limitation and a hodgepodge of family emotionally incapable of caring for their own.

You can only hope the couple’s own resourcefulness will lead them to seek help. They need a good psychologist, insightful friends, mentors such as the Obamas and bucket loads of hope and good humour. If the royals can evolve from chopping people’s heads off when life becomes challenging then it’s entirely possible Meghan and Harry can emerge from this stronger, smarter and forever aligned.

@angelamollard

Originally published as Meghan and Harry need William and Kate more than ever