The RAAF member, now squadron leader of 13 Squadron, was on a six-month deployment, and despite good communication technology, still found it hard to speak with her family: husband Ryan, and children Arabella, then 5, and Lachlan, then 7.

“It was hard being away from the kids,” she says. “A really worthwhile experience and it just gives you so much perspective when you’re doing your job back home, but it is hard.”

Previously, it was Ryan who had been away but now the roles had been reversed.

“I realised while I was on that deployment that it’s hard for every parent, it’s hard for anyone to be away from their loved ones,” Melanie says.

“Everyone’s feeling those emotions, everyone’s going ‘oh, I miss them so much’. The hardest bit for me was, about four months into the trip we got two weeks leave, and so I caught up with the family in Thailand for two weeks, and the hardest bit was going back after that.

“Arabella was five at the time and I remember her at the airport saying ‘don’t go mummy’.

“I think when I left she was fine because she didn’t realise how long it was going to be but I’d been gone for four months and I think she had to say goodbye to me again and she was like ‘no’.”

But the then-mum of two had to return to the Middle East and so it was back to almost daily Skype sessions for the family. “Kids are kids so some days they wouldn’t want to talk because they’re busy and things like that and that was really hard,” Melanie says. “The communication was about as good as it could be, really, but the things that limited it were because the kids were so young. And sometimes seeing your face was really hard for them too.”

Even returning home was difficult.

“When I got back off the plane, Ryan was there with Lachie and Bella. Arabella gave me a big hug and she looked back and looked at me again and it was sort of like she’d realised I was real and she gave me another tight hug,” Melanie remembers.

“I don’t think she forgot me, but in the first week there was a little bit of checking I was still here.

“It was harder for me than it was for them. My life when I was deployed was so different, all I had to look after was myself. Get up, go the gym, go to work. Eat what I want when I want to, it was all for myself. So to come back to that family life and back to the routine and remember I didn’t have any time to myself anymore, it was hard, but it only took a week or so to readjust.”

THE Free family has spent most of their military life in the Top End.

They were first stationed in Darwin for six years and returned just 18 months ago.

“We’ve been really lucky in that we’ve spent most of our time up here,” Melanie says.

“For Lachie, his first six years of schooling were here, and he’s still got a lot of friends here.”

From Darwin, the family travelled to East Sale in Victoria, then to Perth, and finally RAAF Base Amberley in Queensland, before returning to the Territory.

“We’ve driven when we’ve done the moves and you get paid to see Australia, it’s pretty great,” Melanie says.

But while the ADF might decide where the family lives, it isn’t what comes first for the Frees.

“From very early on my family has been my priority, I’ve been really blessed, lucky to have roles that don’t have high demands,” Melanie says.

“The role I’m in at the moment I’m responsible for about 80 people, so I do get the after hours calls … but the family copes with that really well.”

A logistics officer, Melanie says she knows she can try to plan for everything but in the end, what will be will be.

“Now that I’ve got four kids, I say to people, life’s just chaos,” she says.

“You plan, knowing full well that that’s not how it’s going to play out. I think I do that at home too. I’m used to living in that uncertain environment all the time.”

One way the Frees have gotten around their “chaotic” lives, is by making the kids self sufficient.

“One thing that we’ve done, is if you can do it, you do it for yourself,” Melanie says.

“I don’t know if it’s out of necessity, or out of a desire for them to be self sufficient as adults, but if you can do it, you will do it.”

The older kids make their own lunches, get themselves ready for school and it’s clear they help out around the house, and with the younger kids, a lot.

Sometimes, Melanie says, they even used to argue over who got to do the dishes — until a chore plan was implemented so they each had their own jobs to do.

THE military has given Melanie Free plenty of highlights, but it’s also meant she’s missed some pretty important days in the family calendar.

“I missed both their birthdays, and even up here, especially up here, you miss a lot in the middle of the year,” she says. “Even before I deployed (to the Middle East) I had to go down and do force preparation training and I missed Arabella’s first day of school, so Transition day one I missed.

“That was the saddest one for me actually.”

Luckily the family has been pretty fortunate when it comes to Christmases though.

And Melanie’s career has been rewarding.

“I’m loving the job I’m in at the moment, it’s probably my favourite because everything I’ve done to date has built to this. Every job I’ve done has built and prepared me for this role,” she says.

“The Defence Force has been great, and I’d really encourage anyone to sign up. If you were a mum, making the decision to join the military would probably be pretty daunting.

“But it’s one of the best employers and I think my advice would just be to talk to the people who work there, talk to us mums and we’ll tell you what it’s really like, not just the rumours.”

But at the end of the day, being a mother to four beautiful children is what Melanie’s life is all about.

“I just love being able to share their life, Ryan and I, sometimes you get frustrated but you wouldn’t trade it for the world,” she says.

“The highlight for me is being privileged to be part of their lives, to raise them. They’re not yours, they’re not a possession, you’re just privileged to be a part of their lives for this little bit.”