Yet, despite Paulie’s efforts otherwise at times, not a single day has gone by without him speaking of the tragedy or having to grapple with the “raging anger” the loss left behind.

The date of his brother’s death, October 16, is a moment which marks the shattering of his world and yet has also shaped the course of his life and at one point, saved it.

“When it happened I thought in two or three days this will be totally forgotten and no one will ever talk about this again,” said Paulie when visiting Darwin to host an event discussing his memoir.

“And yet I reckon every single day in the last 50 years, I’ve talked about it at some stage which is crazy.

“I’ve just come to accept it now it’s just my life. I never chose it and I can’t get away from it so I just run with it now.”

The former punk frontman of Painters and Dockers and journalist said it had led his life down many surprising avenues and caused him to form a tight bond with the country where it all started.

“I would never have thought that it would lead to 50 years later me hanging out with a group of [mainly Indonesian] nuns in East Timor,” he said.

“It’s gone the whole 360.

“Life is a wacky thing.”

Balibo Five: The killing of five journalists on October 16, 1975

Paulie’s brother, Tony Stewart was one of five Australian-based journalists who travelled to the border of East and West Timor in October in 1975 to cover the Australia sanctioned invasion of East Timor by Indonesian forces.

Remembered by Paulie as a “bit of a rascal”, the 21-year-old sound recordist with Channel 7 was on his first big adventure overseas.

“He rang my Mum going ‘Oh I’m going overseas and it’s going to be great’,” said Paulie.

“And unfortunately it wasn’t.”

Tony was part of a five-man group, along with Australians Greg Shackleton and Kiwi Gary Cunningham and Brits Brian Peters and Malcolm Rennie who decided to stay in the town of Balibo.

The community had been deserted by the East Timorese but the visitors believed they would be safe as journalists with a handpainted Australian flag on the building they took shelter in.

However, on the morning of October 16, Indonesian forces attacked Balibo and shortly after, the men were reported missing.

It was later found out they had been killed and their bodies burnt in an attempt to destroy evidence of the war crime.

Brother’s death unwittingly fuelled Paulie’s career in music and journalism

It was a loss which changed the Stewart family forever.

While it broke his mum, Paulie said it provoked a “burn baby burn” attitude in him as a 15-year-old.

“It was the fuel that set me on my path,” he said.

“Because everyone else around me was living the little life in the suburban bubble but because I’d had this death right close to me … I just had no fear.”

Paulie threw himself into anything, whether it was volunteering for amateur nights at school or later being the front man in Melbourne punk band Painters and Dockers aged 21.

There on stage he found the perfect use for the rage and guilt that refused to be buried and credited his music career with helping get the strong emotions out of his system.

However, his other 30-year career as a journalist with NewsCorp he credited to Tony for many years, but it came with another dose of guilt.

Going for an interview at the Herald and Weekly Times as a young man, Paulie said his “terrible” grades nearly cost him the interview.

But things changed when the interviewer found out Paulie’s link to Tony and he was told to start the next week.

“I always felt incredibly guilty being a journalist because I sort of thought the only reason I’ve got this gig is because of my brother,” Paulie admitted.

“I sort of took it out on myself a bit too. It took me years to work out that’s not good.”

Growing links with Timor-Leste and a nun who helped save his life

Paulie said at times he had tried to walk away from talking about Tony’s death but life had not let him.

As he found out more about East Timor through hearing the stories of people who lost eight or nine loved ones and watched Timorese activists throw cooked chickens on American vessels in Darwin and later saw the horrendous and graphic smuggled photos of abuse carried out by Indonesian troops, Paulie was driven to action.

Especially when he noticed his brother’s story and those of the other white journalists seemed to be the only way in which the situation in East Timor was covered by Australian media.

He lent his name to political action, spoke at rallies and in the mid 90s, started the Australian East Timorese reggae ensemble Dili Allstars with Gil Santos.

Through his wide-ranging connections and efforts, Paulie has helped raise funds, awareness and deliver much needed supplies over the years to people in Timor-Leste.

But his relationship with the country reached a much deeper level when a Timorese nun helped save his life.

Suffering from a failing liver thanks to his punk days filled with alcohol and drugs, Paulie was on his death bed in hospital 15 years ago when he looked up and found a nun from Timor-Leste in his room.

When she found out his connection to the Balibo Five and the Dili Allstars who had coincidentally delivered food to her village in the past, she promised she would get him a transplant.

Thinking she had been on the altar wine, Paulie asked how on earth she was going to achieve it.

“She said ‘I’m going to ring all the nuns in Timor and we’ll pray to the big guy but if we get you one, you’ve got to help the women and kids in Timor. Is that a deal?’

“I went ‘Sure sister’ and this nutty little nun left my room and I went ‘What a bizarre way to die’.

“No one ever believes this, they think I’m full of it, but a couple of hours later, this doctor comes running into my room going ‘It’s unbelievable but the perfect match has just been donated.

“’You’re going in for a 12-hour operation’.”

‘I’ve lost one brother in Timor but I’ve picked up about thousand Timorese brothers’

That was 15 years ago and ever since, Paulie has stuck to his promise and worked closely with the group of nuns in East Timor who look after orphaned kids with disabilities.

“They take those kids and they love them,” he said.

“I’ve never seem one of them angry or upset they’re always laughing and so happy.

“They’ve really changed my whole attitude to life.

“I really, really like being in their company. They’re not pious nuns, they’re cheeky sort of village girls.

“I just love spending time in their presence because you really work out what’s valuable.

“It’s really made me grateful for what I’ve got and just to accept what I’ve got.”

This year, Paulie and the members of Dili Allstars were awarded one of the country’s highest honours, the Insignia of the Order of Timor-Leste, by President Dr. José Ramos-Horta for their ongoing community support and helping advance the wellbeing of Timorese people.

But in terms of who is getting more from the relationship, Paulie is adamant he is the fortunate one.

“I’ve lost one brother in Timor but I’ve picked up about a thousand Timorese brothers,” he said.

“When I go into the community in Melbourne or in Timor-Leste and they go ‘that’s one of the Balibo Five brothers’, I’m family.”

Five loved ones lost, 50 years gone by and still no answers

In the years since the killings, the world has changed but the families of the journalists slaughtered say the answers from the Australian and Indonesian governments have not.

The details of how and why the men died are still uncertain.

In the 2007 New South Wales Coroner’s Inquest, it was found the journalists were deliberately shot and/or stabbed, but to this day, Indonesia maintains they were killed in crossfire.

The Australian Government has come under criticism for holding onto military documents from that time prompting questions on how much the government knew about the attack and perhaps assisted with parts of Indonesia’s invasion.

They have also been criticised by the families for their handling of the situation.

“No one has ever said sorry,” said Paulie.

“In fact, the one call my mother ever got from the Australian Government was from an official at the embassy in Jakarta saying ‘Where do we send the bill for the coffin?’.

“They tried to bury it for 50 years but something like that you can’t bury and it just comes to the surface.

“There’s still this burning rage in me that no one has ever said sorry or apologised.”

It can now be revealed that to commemorate the 50th anniversary, the Australian Government, in collaboration with ABC International Development, will fund two new public interest journalism scholarships for Timorese journalists to develop their skills in Australia.

The Australian Embassy in Timor-Leste has also been working closely with the Balibo House Trust to support a commemorative event in Balibo on 16th October 2025, with Australia’s Ambassador to Timor-Leste to attend.

On the eve of the anniversary, Foreign Minister Penny Wong offered condolences.

“We mourn the loss of Greg Shackleton, Tony Stewart, Gary Cunningham, Brian Peters and Malcom Rennie, who were killed at Balibo while working as journalists during the Indonesian invasion of East Timor in 1975,” Minister Wong said.

“The Australian Government acknowledges the profound grief their families, friends and colleagues have carried for 50 years, and we honour the way they have kept their memory alive.”

Minister Wong said questions about Australian Government actions in relation to the five journalists killed in 1975 were considered in the Sherman reports of 1996 and 1999.

“The Australian Government has consistently cooperated in investigations on this matter,” she said.

“In 2014, the Australian Federal Police completed an investigation into war crime allegations related to the deaths of the Balibo Five and determined there was insufficient evidence to support prosecution under Australian law.

“We know these outcomes have not lessened the pain or brought answers the families have long sought.

“The Australian Government remains committed to transparency. Requests for access to official records will continue to be considered under the appropriate legislation.”