Fran Whiting: Trump is a monkey, he’s not a mermaid

It’s hard to be upbeat in the face of what is happening in the United States currently, writes Frances Whiting.

Th White House has become the Jerry Springer Show. (Photo by Jim WATSON / AFP)

When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a King. The palace becomes a circus. Alternatively, when an ox moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a King, the palace becomes a barn.

Or, to put a modern twist on both of these ancient Turkish aphorisms, when a reality television star moves into the White House, he does not become a President, the White House becomes the Jerry Springer Show.

Good morning, and apologies in advance for not delivering the usual light-hearted fare with your tea and toast, but honestly, it’s hard to be upbeat in the face of what is happening in the United States currently.

Somehow, Donald Trump – to give him his due, the greatest snake oil salesman since P T Barnum sewed the head of a monkey onto the back half of a fish and managed to convince hundreds of thousands of people it was a mermaid – has managed to hoodwink an entire nation. Well, not the one he would call ‘woke’. The ones he would call ‘losers’, ‘traitors’, ‘liars’, ‘cheats’, ‘ugly’, and his particular favourite ‘nasty’ for committing the sin of being well informed. For questioning him. Or the First Lady, Elon Musk.

(FILES) Elon Musk listens as US President Donald Trump speaks in the Oval Office of the White House (Photo by Jim WATSON / AFP)

Well, we better question them, we better put a halt – and quickly – to any whispers that we need a Donald Trumpesque leader here. We do not. It is the very last thing that we need.

And if we see it creeping in anywhere, we need to whack–a-mole the hell out of it as soon as it peeks its head out from its underground lair. Because Australia is still (despite some quarters’ best efforts to convince us otherwise) a pretty harmonious sort of place.

We have our problems, yes, we have our differences, yes, we have plenty of people with plenty of gripes to air but compared to the United States, we remain the luckiest of countries. Look across the pond, look to America and see what is happening there. Hatred. Division. Protests. Book burnings. Distrust. Unrest. Neighbour against neighbour. And perhaps most concerningly, so much anger.

I’ve never seen America so angry. At migrants. At women. At gay people. At educated people ( JD Vance’s “Professors are the enemy” anyone?). At black people. At white people. At public servants. At journalists. At Canada, for God’s sake. Canada!

Here’s another aphorism. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Donald Trump has well and truly showed us who he is, and again to give him his due, he never remotely tried to hide it. In electing him, America got exactly who he told them he was. Only, like all the best snake oil salesmen, he dressed it up as something else; rushed and ill thought-out announcements as decisiveness, thuggery as strength, insults as honesty. A monkey fish as a mermaid.

So look. Look to America now. Look at what America is also showing us what it is, right now, in real time, with real people – good people – turning against their neighbour, looking at those who once were friends with suspicion, and ask yourself is that what we really want here? Do we need a Donald Trump figure here? No, we need an intervention.

FRAN LOVES: The fact that I still live in a country where I am able to criticise world leaders freely. Where I, as a member of the press, am allowed to have an opinion. To ask informed questions. To have a say. It’s a privilege. For all of us. And it’s worth fighting for.

Originally published as Fran Whiting: Trump is a monkey, he’s not a mermaid