Bushranger: The Price of Kylie’s luck
Kylie Bonanni thought luck was on her side. But a simple bingo draw gave Jacinta Price a lot to smile about. READ BUSHRANGER’S GOSS.
Northern Territory
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APRIL 24: JUST KYLIE’S LUCK
THE Liberal Democrats’ Solomon candidate Kylie Bonanni thought luck was on her side after she shook the bingo wheel during the NT’s ballot draw on Friday. After she landed the top spot on her ballot, Bonanni shook it again for the Senate race, hoping to bless Sam McMahon with the same luck. McMahon’s successor in the CLP, Jacinta Price, got the top spot instead. Price was seen smiling afterwards.
SINNERS ON SOCIAL MEDIA
POTS were stirred by young whipper snappers who own a popular Darwin CBD burger joint. To put the relevance of Easter to good use, Good Thanks posted an image of an upside down cross and said “Wagwan, heathen cave-dwellers! Don’t be cross, the bar is open Good Friday 5pm-Late & Kitchen from 6-9pm. You too, can get hammered for your sins! CLOSED SAT & SUN. Come hang out x”. With more than 200 comments, the post struck up quite a storm of community engagement, with Territorians either opposing or applauding the post. Even the Lord Mayor of Darwin Kon Vatskalis shared his views.
NICE MEMES, MINISTER
Health Minister Natasha Fyles is well-known for sticking to the script at a press conference. But in rare deviation from her usual form she delivered a zinger that would have done Bill Shorten proud on Thursday. Pleading for the public to get their Covid-19 information from a trusted source, she said: “Dr Facebook and Dr Tik Tok aren’t going to help you when you’re sick with Covid.”
THE ADDRESS IS A MESS
AS this column has noted on multiple occasions, the Fifth Floor has been having some disastrous media events of late. The other week, it was one minister being an hour late to a press conference after journalists were instructed to be punctual. This week, it was media outlets being provided the wrong address. Journalists rocked up to the provided location, which was a vacant storage place. Perhaps it was an abstract metaphor for the government. It didn’t take long for another text to come through from a presumably panicked staffer, relocating the crew to an address a few minutes down the road.
LUCK OF THE DRAW
THE NT’s draw to determine the order of candidates on the federal election ballot paper proved fertile grounds for Bushie spies on Friday. They witnessed Labor’s Luke Gosling skipping into the room about 30 minutes late, carefree and mellow. His mates Malarndirri McCarthy and Marion Scrymgour were notably absent, and so too was the CLP’s Damien Ryan. His mates Jacinta Price and Tina MacFarlane might as well not have gone either, given their press conference was abruptly cut short after two minutes, to the bewilderment of onlookers.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK:
THE NT government’s handling of a draft document which would’ve outlawed the phrase “boys and girls” in the classroom would be hilarious if it weren’t so cynical. The Fifth Floor’s back-pedalling was so strong, it could’ve generated enough energy to power the Territory for decades to come.
APRIL 17: NO FRIENDS IN THE NICKNAME GAME
IF you missed it this week – which is doubtful considering the size of his Akubra and his glowing bright red face – Barnaby Joyce was in town on the Coalition’s campaign trail.
While announcing funding for health, infrastructure and tourism in the NT, Agriculture Minister David Littleproud let it slip that Mr Joyce is sometimes referred to as BJ.
And chaos ensued. Particularly the next morning when ABC Darwn Breakfast host Jo Laverty picked it up and ran with it, reducing the Deputy PM to his two-letter moniker multiple times. We
don’t know about you, but there’s just a little too much innuendo with that nickname for that pollie for us.
HIGH SCHOOL ANTICS
ONE of Bushie’s spies was served some peak high school-era passive aggression while in the NT local courts.
While covering a packed hearing a handwritten note was passed down the line until it reached the journalist.
“NT News, report the Truth,” the note said. We’re proud to report ... we already do.
ROAD TO NOWHERE
ONE of Bushie’s spies went out to Seafarms’s now defunct Project Sea Dragon project at Legune Station to investigate what the taxpayer-funded road to nowhere looks like.
The double lane, aligned and sealed rural road to the stalled project included a sign advertising the NT Government’s $40m spend on Gunn Point Rd – now used as target practice by locals.
The Gunn Point sign was peppered with bullet holes – although it’s unclear whether locals are just lovers of a good pun or venting their frustration.
The target may be the most practical thing to come from this white elephant investment.
INSIDE THE LINES:
SOME people will do anything to win a prize ... even enter a kids colouring competition at age 27.
Sam from Durack did just that when he received Lia Finocchiaro’s newsletter.
His wife said his 45-minute colouring session “took priority over many other things that afternoon” and she was “surprised it didn’t have spilt beer on it”.
IS THAT YOUR PARK?
A few weeks ago, one of Bushie’s spies spotted an NT government car parked in a disability car space in the Mitchell Centre with no permit on display.
Did this driver need to use this space for legitimate mobility reasons and just forget to put their permit up?
Or, was this a public servant who was just in a bit of a rush?
BEST AND WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: A gardener was in a public park this week when he came across a pipe bomb.
Luckily, he spotted it before mowing over the explosive device. He potentially saved many lives.
Worst performance has to go to whoever put it there, and Bushie hopes police can catch the culprit soon.
APRIL 10: THAT’S SHOWBIZ
Deckchair Cinema is no stranger to antics, tropes and quippy one-liners.
NT Administrator Vicki O’Halloran, who recently fractured her leg in a fall at Government House, opened the new season of the open air cinema this week. Hobbling onto the stage in a thick cast, Mrs O’Halloran welcomed the crowd with the line: “As they say in showbiz, break a leg”.
YUMMMMM
FILM fanatics had the opportunity to pop to the Deckchair Cinema for free after a email mix up left the organiser vastly over catered. “Due to a mix up with our emails the lovely new caterer - Three Mum’s Kitchen - has cooked for a crowd of 220, but we only had 16 tickets sold,” a Facebook post said. Instead of wasting the food, the cinema opened its doors to everyone for free.
BLAST FROM THE PAST
FOR almost a decade MIX FM’s Friday morning panel show “The Week That Was” has been covering off on all things Territory politics. And on all but the rarest occasion the show features a representative from Labor and one from the CLP. But last month — the week after the Zachary Rolfe verdict — Labor couldn’t find a panelist. Eyebrows were raised when Labor’s former Aboriginal affairs minister Ken Vowles was seen in the studio just minutes before the show was due to begin. Host Katie Woolf asked if he’d liked to fill in for his missing former ALP colleagues but he politely declined.
INTERESTING GUESTS
There’s no love lost between Vowles and Chief Minister Michael Gunner, but the animosity doesn’t appear to extend to the rest of his cabinet. Vowles was out at TIO Stadium for the NTFL Grand Final in his new gig hosting a sports program on Mix. One of his first guests was Health Minister Natasha Fyles.
GOOD EGG AWARD
This week’s good egg award goes to ABC journo, Roxanne Fitzgerald, who generously saved the day for her NT News counterpart, Jason Walls, when his SD card reader failed while out chasing a yarn. Collegiality lives, we owe you one Roxanne. Points also go to established good egg, the ABC’s Mel Mackay, for the assist.
FINAL CHEERIO
IT would be remiss of Bushie to finalise this week’s column without making mention of the retirement of reader favourite Territory Coroner Greg Cavanagh. Despite his honour’s oft stated wish that we “don’t put this in Bushranger”, we must respectively demur on this occasion. After decades on the bench, we have no choice but to bid a fond farewell to a longstanding and witty Territory institution. Cheerio, Cav and all the best in a well earned retirement.
BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: Scalpt Hair’s Matthew Lee got out the clippers this week and shaved off Chief Minister Michael Gunner’s mullet. While the CM managed to raise $13,000 for the Black Dog Institute — a very worthy cause — the mullet lasted perhaps a touch too long.
APRIL 3: TAKE YOUR TIME
FANS left distraught after the sudden cancellation of Midnight Oil on Saturday morning were left with a glimmer of hope, after one Facebook commenter had a brilliant idea. “The CHO could stand in as lead singer,” Johnny wrote.
CLOCK’S TICKING
TIMELINESS is next to godliness, as the saying goes, and on that front the government may be needing to repent. Last week a press minder for a government minister called not once but twice to confirm that journalists would be at a press conference scheduled for 10am. As we all can attest, journalists are punctual and professional beings. They were there at 10am. Parks and Wildlife Minister Selena Uibo? Still nowhere to be seen close to 11am. Brilliant!
THEY’RE FIGHTING ALL RIGHT
SOLOMON voters better prepare, because politicians are fighting over them. In the red corner, chief dork and Labor incumbent Luke Gosling, whose campaign slogan is “Fighting for the North”. In the blue/orange corner, former cattle rancher and CLP insurgent Tina MacFarlane, who released a campaign video with the slogans “Fighting for Small Business/Territorians/You”. Meanwhile, voters are left just Fighting for an Original Campaign Slogan.
LOCAL PIE
WHEN a Bushie spy was asked for an ID at the Adelaide River Pub recently, a local couldn’t help but to brag about how he no longer needed to show his licence. “Nah they don’t ID me anymore here, I’m a local. Plus I have a face that looks like a dropped pie.”
WHAT’S THE POINT
CINEMA-GOERS were left puzzled after they spotted a man enter the theatre and sit through a screening of the film Dog, not once looking up from his phone. Among activities he was seen doing on his device was bouncing between social media platforms.
DISUNITED NT BUSINESSES
ANTI-RESTRICTION movement United NT Businesses was the butt of its own joke this week after it tried to do April Fools. It took to Facebook to herald the end of all Covid-19 restrictions in the Northern Territory, saying the group had sat down for a tea and scones with the Chief Minister, Health Minister and astronaut wanna-be CHO Hugh Heggie. The only problem? No one really thought it was funny, not even the ‘United’ businesses. The post was ripped down and an apology issued, saying it “highlighted what should be happening”. One follower lost the faith, saying it wasn’t funny to joke about “such a sensitive topic”.
BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
THE Territory’s politicians did a good thing this week by agreeing in bipartisan terms to sign the Aboriginal Justice Agreement, a decision they followed through with. Nice work.
MARCH 27: PILLOW FIGHT
THE NT Cattlemen’s Association has escalated their war against someone who stole NTCA-branded couch cushions from their annual conference in Alice Springs last year. The association took to Facebook t on Saturday to say they had taken items (PICTURED) from Ben Coutts’ Nutrien Ag office this year in retaliation. They even posted pictures on their page, inviting Mr Coutt to partake in a little trade deal.
WORKPLACE HAR-APP-MENT
GOOGLE has scrapped its Hangouts app, replacing it with Chat. But when searching for the new program in the AppStore, one longtime single discovered their ads being very targeted. Searching for Google Chat, Tinder popped up as the number one option. Not quite the work program they were after!
SPEED DEMONS
SCROLLING Facebook this week, an article from Wotif appeared, promoting great spots to visit around Australia that aren’t far from capital cities. First on the list? Kakadu. According to the website, its just 90 minutes from Darwin. Bushie isn’t sure what method of transport the writer was travelling by … the quickest we’ve ever gotten to Jabiru is just shy of three hours by car.
FACE PLANT CAUSES HEADACHES
CHANNEL 9 editors had their work cut out for them this week after an unnamed reporter returned from the weekend with a facial injury. It’s alleged the journalist sustained a gash to the chin while attempting to do a yoga crow pose at the Darwin Races. Either way you could barely tell when the bulletin went to air.
END IN SIGHT?
SINCE the NT News published a column on the mullet, observers have noted with fear that the mullet is continuing to worsen, with almost daily updates on Michael Gunner’s Facebook page. . Get out the shearers already, Chief Minister!
FANTASTIC. WELL DONE SAM
SENATOR Sam McMahon’s Coalition friend Angus Taylor was widely mocked several years ago after he replied to his own Facebook post, “Fantastic. Great Move. Well done Angus”. McMahon took to Facebook this week to post a picture of the young Territorian who won a small business award, whose name is also Angus. But her comment seemed to strike an oddly familiar tone. “Fantastic Angus, well done,” the Senator wrote.
INSPECTORS CALL IN THE DOGS
THE Territory’s biosecurity “line of defence” has gone to the dogs, so to speak. Robotic dog “Spot, part of a $34,000 trial, inspected Port of Darwin containers and surveyed a rehabilitated uranium mine site for revegetation and radiation in Jabiru. Spot has infra-red night vision, can travel up to 6km an hour, carry up to 14kg of inspection gear, has 360 degree perception capability and sensors to collect biosecurity data.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
WHOEVER thought giving unlimited and unchecked powers to the person who thinks the moon is somewhere on Earth needs their head read. The government needs to seriously go back to the drawing board on Hugh Heggie’s “transition from the pandemic” powers.
MARCH 20: TO THE MOON
READY FOR BLAST OFF, DR HEGGIE
IT’S a tightly kept secret that chief health officer Dr Hugh Heggie tried and failed to become an astronaut (we believe). Bushie now knows why. It turns out Dr Heggie has a poor grasp on the fact the moon is not on Earth. Reporters were stifling laughter on Wednesday after Dr Heggie proclaimed: “The Territory is the safest place in the world, except the Moon” at a press conference.
IRISH BLESSING
THERE was some epic banter during a live cross between presenter Paul Taylor and intrepid reporter Jack Hahn on Darwin’s Channel 9 News this week. The baby-faced Hahn was presenting a St Patrick’s Day story from a pub when Taylor piped up to deliver the sledge of the century: “I’ve had confirmation Jack has been seen at every nightclub in Darwin so he must be over 18.” Ouch.
DOG WITH A BONE
Federal Home Affairs Minister Karen Andrews was in town this week for the relaunch of the National Border Watch program. After urging Territorians to be on the look out and report any suspicious behaviour, Minister Andrews thought she’d take on a detector dog at a game of tug-o-war.
She lost — very convincingly — but not after an intense battle. At least we know our borders will be safe in good, strong paws.
NOT ON MY SCALP
Territorians from all ranks of power seemed to agree with NT News scribe Phillippa Butt’s opinion this week that Chief Minister Michael Gunner’s mullet has got to go. One Labor backbencher was even heard to say, as he flicked his imaginary hair from his shoulders, “you’ll never catch me with a mullet, not now, not ever, not even for charity”. We’re with you mate!
MINISTER FOR NOT TENNANT
THE Member for the inner-city enclave of Port Darwin Paul Kirby managed to annoy everyone in the Barkly this week, after posting to Facebook about his visit (with SIX other ministers) to ‘Tennant Creek’. While it’s since been fixed, the local paper the Tennant and District Times still made a point of it, referring to him as ‘South Australian Territory Minister Kaul Pirby’ online and wishing him well on his visit to ‘Alice Creek’. The famous Berrimah Line at work, folks!
GONE POSTAL
TERRITORIANS have a special place in their heart for our friends at the Motor Vehicle Registry, whose bureaucratic efficiency is only trumped by Australia Post. Curtis from Wagait Beach wrote in this week to report that a letter posted from Darwin on January 8 only arrived on March 16. The contents? Just advising the owner that their number plate would expire in February … oh well!
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: NO prize if you guess this week’s winner of the Territory wooden spoon. Michael Gunner plumbed new depths in lack of leadership by refusing to lead. Matt Cunningham on Saturday drew a brilliant contrast between Gunner’s disappearance and Victorian premier Dan Andrews, who didn’t shy away.
MARCH 13: IF GUNNER COULD TURN BACK TIME
WHAT SOUND DO IBIS MAKE? ‘BEEP BEEP’
GOOD news folks, we finally have an answer to the age-old question of how did the (bin) chicken cross the road? It didn’t – it hitched a lift! The owner of this car is the epitome of an adventuring, true blue Darwin traveller, who no doubt took their rubber bird out to a waterfall of some sort. Let’s just hope it was tied up extra tight as it flew down the highway.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
POLICE commissioners need to be accountable, especially in the aftermath of a highly contentious trial which has widespread ramifications. It was therefore disappointing to see Jamie Chalker turn from the cameras on Friday and storm off without taking any questions from the media.
SAD GUNNER
IS there trouble in paradise between Labor and the national broadcaster? When an ABC journalist interrupted Michael Gunner to adjust his microphone at a press conference on Tuesday, the Chief Minister fired the sassiest barb. “It’s OK, you don’t use my grabs anyway,” Mr Gunner said.
TOUGH CROWD
AT the same presser, there was an awkward laugh from the crowd of gathered businessmen after a journalist moved questions to the evergreen topic of the Darwin Turf Club. Mr Gunner was happy to answer the question, but it sounded like there were a few members in attendance.
UNHAPPY DIVORCE
AS far as public shamings on community noticeboards go, this one at Noonamah Post Office pulls no punches. “BEWARE”, the letter starts off with. “200kg parasite ... left owing 7 weeks rent, $200 his share of power, ruined near new mattress can’t get rid of stench he left in it.” Sad times.
NEVER SEEM TO LEARN
ONE of Bushie’s spies out at a roadside police job in recent weeks was approached by a very unhappy officer, who explained that while he was doing this task, he also booked 15 people for speeding and one for driving under the influence. We’ll wipe out the government’s debt at this rate.
GRAFFITI WITH PURPOSE
EVEN spraypainters in Darwin’s CBD have weighed in on the Russian invasion of Ukraine. A large wall along Mitchell St was defaced with the words “Putin Needs Shootin” last week. Of course, we would never advocate violence. But it just goes to show how many feel about the current geopolitical nightmare.
NOT LOCKED AND LOADED
THE NT News has played host to many suggestive, saucy or downright naughty front pages (Dildo found En Route to Fannie Bay, anyone?), but it seems even some signs around our offices aren’t immune. One sign reading ”Door locked at all times” has been, predictably, amended with Texta to read “cocked”. Another sign located in the men’s bathroom has been on the wall for more than two years. It initially read, “1.5 billion people use Facebook every day”. But for years it has instead said “1.5 billion people live on one meal every day”.
MARCH 6: IF GUNNER COULD TURN BACK TIME
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: CHIEF Minister Michael Gunner this week tried to channel Cher and turn back time. Mr Gunner is trying to get back $12m his government granted to the Darwin Turf Club, but is slowly learning that horse may have bolted.
OUT ON THE TOWNSVILLE
WHILE out on the town on a holiday in Townsville, one of Bushie’s spies met a North Queensland MP clearly a few beers in. After mentioning the reporter was from Darwin, the politician yelled “Darwin sucks”, complained about the NT’s humidity, before disappearing in a cloud of sweat and booze. All we can say is, those in glass houses … although, given Townsville’s reputation for MPs out on the town (cough) Les Walker (cough), our spy was lucky to walk away without it ending up in court.
THESAURUS.COM
WELL, the NT News has finally been exposed — we love a pub! A very observant reader has cottoned on to that fact and let us know what he really thinks. “Everything’s described as iconic by the NT News … it’s just a pub,” the reader commented. While we’d beg to differ and think anywhere that serves us cold ones is beautiful and unique, it might be time for Bushie to start handing out copies of thesauruses around the office.
INFANTILE HUMOUR
SPEAKING of dictionaries, several readers tried to stretch the definition of “baby” this week. The NT News these past few days began taking nominations for its latest edition of the Territory’s cutest babies and, as per usual, some entries were non-starters. Take, for instance, Narelle, who submitted her son, Luke (265 months old). We think that’s somewhat beyond the realm of toddler, but Narelle clocked up 25 Facebook likes, so that’s probably a win in her books. Bushie also understands another prankster submitted 25-year-old ABC Radio staffer Will Zwar to the competition, who almost qualified. The cutest baby competition will continue in earnest this week.
NOT A CHANCE
ON Monday, the Territory is unmasked, but does this mean our dear leader, Dr Hugh Heggie, is going to give up some of his extraordinary emergency powers? Not yet, according to his deputy, Dr Charles Pain. That begs the question: When will our rolling state of emergency, in place since March 2020, actually end?
A SYMBOL OF SOLIDARITY
WITH the horrific pictures pouring out of Europe, it was good to see Parliament House in Darwin lit up in the colours of Ukraine this week.
THIS WET IS DRAGON ON
A BUSHIE reader named Terri sent in this stunning photo of a dragonfly perched delicately on what appears to be an aloe vera plant. Every Top Ender knows what that means. Prepare for a dragonfly onslaught, and the beginning of The Dry.
FEBRUARY19: BRINGING IT TO THE FORE
AN interesting service has arrived in Darwin. While Bushie can’t confirm how old this image is, a bus ad of the skin service is doing the rounds on social media. And in either a deliberate and cunning move for viral fame or a hilarious Freudian slip, the clinic has opened up a brilliant new hotline for all your skin needs. 1300 4 SKIN NT won’t cut corners!
HARD OF HEARING
THE quote of the week comes from the transcript produced in the trial of Zach Rolfe in the Supreme Court. “A PERSON UNKNOWN: (inaudible).”
WORDLE OF THE DAY
THOSE of us inclined towards a word game to start their day would know all about the worldwide craze Wordle .The New York Times-owned word jumble game came under fire from players in the US this week, who were a little confused by the word widely used in Australian vernacular. Bushranger was more than happy with Thursday’s word – bloke – which may indicate it was a little more NT than it was NY.
JUST A SIP
DARWIN Buffaloes player Tom Baulch made headlines this week after copping a two-week ban for having a sip of beer during his NTFL match. The TikTok star, with more than 150,000 followers, had turned down drinks all day but finally gave in during the dying minutes of the match with his side 100 points down. Footage of the incident circulated online and once the AFLNT caught wind it classified the act as serious misconduct. Maybe next time he should down the pint.
ADMINISTRATION ERROR
ONE keen-eyed if not slightly neurotic reader has revealed a major scandal to Bushranger, one which goes right to the top. An English teacher of 40 years wrote in to say he had noticed not one, but two signs with misplaced apostrophes. The signs read “Administrators Office”. Correspondence handed to Bushie suggest the administrator’s office is removing the sign.
BLINDED BY THE LIGHT
PRESIDENT Donald Trump made global headlines after squinting at a solar eclipse, but even that wasn’t as dangerous as Scott Morrison’s attempt at being the blokiest bloke who ever bloked last Saturday. He was pictured on television trying to weld a beam in Alice Springs with his visor raised. Territorians deserve leaders with vision for the future, but ScoMo may struggle to see at all.
SKIPPING GOES VIRTUAL
BUSHIE congratulates 12 Darwin athletes who won medals in the Virtual World Skipping Championships over Zoom.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
VLADIMIR Putin might be low-hanging fruit for taking out worst performance of the week, but even many Russians seemingly agree he deserves this call-out after his forces invaded Ukraine, taking to the streets to protest against their government’s actions.
FEBRUARY 19: ALBO’S STRANGE QUESTION
HEAD, SHOULDERS KNEES AND ALBO
A PUZZLED Anthony Albanese was asked this week whether he prefers the nickname, “Elbow” or “Kneesy”? He just answered Albo.
GONE TO THE DOGS
SAM McMahon appears to be getting ready for her life after politics. On Monday, McMahon’s media adviser used her parliamentary email to tell enthralled Territorians she had diagnosed a dog with Covid-19 via teleconference, with the letterhead, “Northern Territory Veterinary Services”. Here’s to a fresh start.
LIA UNMASKED
FRUSTRATIONS were high in parliament this week due to onerous requirements. When Going up to the dispatch box to yell at nemesis Natasha Fyles, Opposition Leader Lia Finocchiaro exclaimed: “God, can I take this off!” before ripping off her mask.
BREATH OF FRESH AIR
ABC presenter Jo Laverty was off with Covid this week, and it was quite clearly showing. Laverty took to Twitter on Wednesday, potentially out of boredom, to showcase what looks like a collection of “wind pipes”. They were bongs. Lots of bongs. The post was made in support of former Australian of the Year Grace Tame, who was caught pictured with a bong. But it does also speak to how Laverty landed the job presenting ABC radio: she obviously has very good lungs.
FACE FOR RADIO
NT News political reporter Thomas Morgan made his television debut on Channel 9 Darwin this week, giving punters an insight into how important it was for the press to be allowed inside the media gallery during parliament. Back in the office, journos were crouched around the TV watching their baby scribe blossom. Bushie is the first in line for an autograph.
DYNAMIC GOVERNMENT
THIS week Chief Minister Michael Gunner shared some inspiring words ahead of parliament resuming, using his crystal ball to highlight his 2022 Year Ahead. But is the Chief really looking into the future? Bushie did a quick Google after this speech and on the Chief’s official NT government homepage, found it featured his Year Ahead – but for 2019.
Perhaps the site needs a refresh, Chief?
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: THE government needs a kick up the proverbial for sneakily revealing it was dropping almost all of its border rules … via a press release on a Friday evening. Accountability and transparency everyone!
WALK THE WALK, TALK THE TALK
FINALLY, a place that walks the walk and talks the talk. A new medical centre in Casuarina caught the eye of one reader for being the unholy marriage of two very interesting different medical specialities. One imagines there isn’t much of a crossover between podiatry and speech pathology, but considering Darwin’s chronic lack of medical services, a new podiatrist and speech pathologist is a step in the right direction.
FEBRUARY 13: CAMPAIGN WIN
SOMETHING TO FLAG
AN upside down flag is often used as a signal of dire distress. A recent upside down Territorian flag in Alice Springs, however, was a signal of a simple mistake. Alice Springs MLA Joshua Burgoyne, however, did not miss the chance to take a swing at the Gunner government. “Under this incompetent Gunner Labor government that has forgotten every Territorian below the Berrimah Line ... there is absolutely no doubt Alice Springs is in distress,” Burgoyne said. John Elferink linked the distress call to a letter sent to the federal government from Alice Springs mayor Matt Paterson.
BIZARRE DOESN’T COVER IT
IT’S been a big week for sequels in the fruitloopy world of the anti-vaxxers. In Darwin Local Court, one person described his case of walking without due care on local roads, contravening an emergency declaration and failing to give his name and address, as being akin to “Nuremberg 2.0”. Meanwhile, after their first Facebook page was deleted, demonstrators launched the creatively named “Free in the NT 2.0”. Wonder how long that’ll last ...
STEPPED IN IT
A DAILY competition between politicians is being fiercely contested, Bushie understands. Kate Worden on Friday was overheard saying she does 10,000 steps a day, and her husband does more than 25,000 steps. Meanwhile, the CLP’s Marie-Clare Boothby will be needing to stop off at JB Hi-Fi this weekend. Boothby alleges her step counter is broken and she only manages 1000 a day, even when she’s out doing door knocks of her constituents.
MURPHY’S lore
BUSHRANGER can this week provide exclusive insights into what Territorians want from their retail experiences. A poll on the NT News website suggests most want Dan Murphy’s to be opened. Despite a long-running saga, only a meagre 4 per cent of respondents wanted a Myer. One in five people wanted an ALDI and a similar number craved an Ikea.
one big unhappy family
ONLY in Darwin could the humble stick family car stickers be corrupted. One car spotted in Nightcliff had “The Ass Family” emblazoned on the rear windscreen, above a family of five, which labelled the oldest son “lazy” and the youngest child “dumb”.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: SPEAKER Ngaree Ah Kit seemed to catch even her own party off guard when she outright banned the public and press from attending Parliament House for this week’s sittings. Blaming Covid-19 doesn’t hold water either, because even Canberra didn’t stop journalists during the height of the pandemic.
MAKING A FLAP
MAGPIE goose season is the most wonderful time of the year, some would argue. They’re very funny to watch waddling around aimlessly all day, pecking
at dirt. But this week evidence emerged the beloved bird is capable of also grouping together in a straight line. So the next time someone calls you a “bloody goose”, perhaps it could be taken as a compliment.
FEBRUARY 6: CAMPAIGN WIN
A PROMINENT story in the NT News a week ago highlighted the desperate and tragic plight of Nightcliff residents, who just wanted to access their local Woolies but were needing to brave a challenging minefield of potholes. Bushie’s spies can happily update the public that only a few days after the story went to print, the potholes were filled in.
UN’APPY TIMES
THE new Covid alert notifications appear to be working better than the last dodgy offerings – the risk is that they are actually too informative. As the recipient of this message pointed out, when the Darwin Covid-19 vaccination centre is a hot spot, it’s a safe bet you’re losing the battle. Bushie’s spies have also reported the Cav as an exposure site. Tragic.
MILITARY BRIEFING
DURING a tour of the Defence of Darwin Experience last week, Josh Frydenberg was spooked after someone hit a button on an interactive presentation. Air raid alarms blared, prompting the Treasurer to physically jump. All the pollies, including Michael Gunner, Lia Finocchiaro, Sam McMahon and Luke Gosling sat through the 12-minute presentation the Bombing of Darwin.
SHOES ON THE OTHER FOOT
ANY shoes are better than no shoes, right? Before a photoshoot by a local photographer down by a muddy waterway, residents were emailed to wear appropriate footwear – gumboots would have been perfect. One resident said via email he would “wear shoes”, but then turned up in a pair of velvet loafers – not the best choice to stop slipping and sliding in the mud.
TEENAGERS RUN AMOK
TWO teenagers allegedly decided last week to take a joyride in a fancy Audi in Palmerston, but only made it 50m down the street before a “low speed crash”. The cops were overheard
joking the attempt at a getaway was only foiled because this was the first time the alleged culprits had driven a manual vehicle.
TROUBLE IN PARADISE?
AMID hours spent scrolling social media, one of Bushie’s spies came across what appears to be trouble in paradise at the tight-knit ABC. When chook-loving Breakfast host Jo Laverty patted the NT government on the back for (finally) updating the Territory Check In app to include exposure sites we’ve visited, one of her colleagues seemed less than impressed. “Little too late don’t you think ... horse has bolted. What’s the point?” was the response from a southerly ABC producer.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: The Country Liberal Party hasn’t had the greatest of runs lately, but the fallout surrounding Senator Sam McMahon, the subsequent uncertainty of the party’s future, and now open discussion about merging with the Liberals, is depriving Territorians a discussion on issues such as crime or the cost of living.
TROLLED
BUSHIE’S colleagues at the paper would like to pay credit where credit is due. After a callout for kids celebrating their first (or first day back) at school, someone sent in an image of a “little boy”, Harry, who was nervous about his first day of kindy. Harry was, in fact, Hasbulla Magomedov, an 18-year-old blogger and MMA fighter from Makhachkala, Russia who suffers a genetic disorder that gives him a childlike appearance with stunted height and a high voice. We clearly need to brush up on the niche Russian bloggersphere.
JANUARY 30: FOOD FOR THONG
THIS week Bushie launches an exciting new food review column, with the first subject being the healthy snacks section of United Petroleum servo at Parap. There were a variety of different products to choose from, but all tasted the same. All were rubbery, bland in texture and inexplicably melted on being warmed in the oven. Fun for the whole family.
2.5 stars.
CAUGHT PANTS-LESS
A CHANNEL 9 cameraman forgot to wear pants for work. A Bushranger regular, Tully is often seen around the traps wearing only shorts, so was almost left out of a media event on Tuesday because it required long pants and closed shoes. Thankfully someone kept a spare pair of firefighting pants on hand and the camo was able to attend.
MULTIPLE PERSONALITY DISORDER
CHIEF Minister Michael Gunner rattled off his quarterly spiel about wanting to throw Commsec’s State of the States report “in the bin” last week. The report is blasted by Gunner because it makes him look bad. Anyway, it’s clear he doesn’t take it seriously. But you know who does? The NT Department of Treasury. It even lists the State of the States report on its website under Publications. And do you know who is the Minister for the Department of Treasury? The Treasurer, Michael Gunner.
RISING FROM THE ASHES
BUSHRANGER’S Nightcliff-based spies had their socks knocked off when it was revealed work was going to resume at the infamous Sunbuild site along Dick Ward Drive. The place was almost a monument to broken dreams. But you have to wonder what’s next? How about the nearby Greek Acropolis? Bushie advises people not to hold their breath.
NOT ON MY DAY
A RESIDENT of retirement units on Dick Ward Drive rang up and complained that on Australia Day prisoners arrived to mow the lawns of some of the residents and made a loud racket. He was disappointed that they were noisy and headed to the beach at noon for a sausage sizzle and an egg in a break roll because he wanted his peace and quiet. “Ultimately don’t you think that is in bad taste,” he asked. Our response: isn’t everything in Darwin bad taste?
HARDLY GASPING
This week police raised the alarm over a $2000 cigarettes heist from an Alice Springs business by a group of five offenders, including a 10-year-old. But before residents start looking out for a kid with a wheelbarrow full of stolen loot, it’s a good reminder to look at how many ciggies $2000 will buy. About $48 a pack, each offender walked away with about eight packs each. Hardly a mind-boggling plunder.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
THE United Business NT group are fans of the free market, but even they can’t defend selling RATs for well above wholesale price, for $18 a pop. Good for them that they’re making a cheap buck, but it should never be at the expense of public health.
JANUARY 23: LET’S TALK ABOUT ME
IT’S not often that Bushie takes a shot at its own publication, but it was funny to be a fly on the wall of the NT News this week. A particular highlight was a significant flap among the paper’s editorial team after they were alerted to the fact that numbers 51 to 60 of the 120 Most Powerful List were somehow not printed in the paper. Bushie understands the NT News was only informed of this glaring omission after a distraught Dr Robert Parker from the Australian Medical Association, who ranked at #53, asked a reporter where his listing was … a week after it was meant to be in print.
Apart from Dr Parker, here’s who else made the ranks.
DID HE CHECK IN?
THANKS to the member of the public who sent in a photo of an intruder in the Bunnings garden section. A colourful caterpillar on a food safari.
JUST A PRANG BRO
THERE were chaotic scenes at a press conference on Tuesday morning. First, a journo almost skidded his car out of control in front of a Minister while trying to find a park. Then, a tradie collided with a chain-link fence not once, but twice. The first time was while Eva Lawler was addressing the press, with reporters doing well to hide their laughs behind face masks.
WE’RE ON TERRITORY TIME HERE
A SECURITY guard has told one of Bushie’s spies that all the clocks in the Supreme Court are set a few minutes ahead. Effectively the Darwin legal system is in its own time zone. Another interesting fact about the Supreme Court is that its lavatories appear overstocked with bogroll, so there’s an option for anyone who missed out because of panic buying.
EXCITING TIMES TO TURN AROUND
AUTHORITIES made a gamechanging announcement this week which may have flown under the radar. You can now perform a U-turn at the signalled intersection of Bagot Rd and McMillans Rd. Many were probably unaware you couldn’t chuck a uey unless it was signed.
MODELLING CAREER
NT chief health officer Dr Hugh Heggie has befuddled the Territory with his latest modelling of the Covid outbreak. Dr Heggie said the peak of the Omicron wave would come in the first week of February, but when asked how many cases would be recorded at the peak, said that wasn’t a figure they had calculated. “We’ve done some basic modelling … it doesn’t go to the number of cases, it goes to when the peak will occur”.
PUT IN REVERSE
QUESTION to the Motor Vehicle Registry. Why does it take a month to get new driver’s licence in the event of misplacing the original? It’s a serious backward step given until recently they could be replaced instantly. It also leaves many unable to buy grog.
WORST / BEST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: WEST Australian Premier Mark McGowan has thrown yet another spanner in the works, delaying his state’s border reopening. He inadvertently might end up saving the direct Darwin-London flights, which were scheduled to be transferred to Perth in coming months. Thanks Mark!
TREEHUGGER
THIS car doesn’t need to be electric to go green apparently! If you own a blue Holden hatchback, your car has been comfortably parked around a frangipani tree at the corner of Tiwi Gardens and Creswell St in Tiwi. A reader messaged in to say it has been embedded in the tree for a week, with the owner retrieving the plates after several days.
JANUARY 16: CELEBRITY TERRITORIAN
FORMER Collingwood player and coach Nathan Buckley has recently turned reality star, jumping into the jungle in I’m A Celebrity. It hasn’t been the easiest start to the former footy star’s television stardom when he was shown fainting last week. The Territorian this week mentioned he knew he was famous when he read about himself in the NT News. Here’s another mention.
THE KREME OF THE CROP
BUSHIE has learnt how to deduce through a keen eye and heightened powers of observation who is a Darwin resident and who isn’t at the nation’s airports. For instance, on Thursday night a person was spotted entering Brisbane’s domestic terminal with five boxes of Krispy Kremes. They were undoubtedly bound for the Top End. However, this signature tell may soon come to an end if the much-vaunted Gateway drive-through ever materialises.
CRANKY STORMS
WHEN looking through social content from Darwin’s midweek storms, one of Bushie’s spies stumbled across an unusual case of someone getting a little too close to the situation. Not physically, but emotionally. A Parap woman sent in footage to video platform Storyful from Wednesday’s storm, calling it “the crankiest lightning I’ve ever seen”. Makes you wonder what she thinks of thunder ...
LOYAL TO A FAULT
AN Alice Springs man has shown the Local Court where his loyalties lie after pleading guilty to drink-driving while his licence was suspended for more drink-driving. On hearing the matter had been adjourned, the man picked up his belongings, popped on his Victoria Bitter hat, and left the courtroom.
NOT SO PLEASANT
BUSHIE understands that it can be difficult for negligent parents to resist the urge of letting their child touch and crawl over someone else’s priceless possessions but fortunately at the entrance of Tim’s Junkyard Museum in Daly Waters ... you will find a clear reminder. The museum is filled with beautiful antique motorcycles and memorabilia, and the owners have clearly had enough disrespect from some visitors.
KEEP YOUR ENEMIES CLOSE
BUSHIE isn’t sure why you’d write a book about somebody you hate, but that’s exactly what former Julia Gillard staffer Sean Kelly has done to Scott Morrison. The free-for-all hatchet job includes an account of the then new PM’s desperate scramble to get a piece of legislation through Parliament on urgency which involved an 8000km round trip from Canberra to Humpty Doo where then governor-general Sir Peter Cosgrove was visiting the school.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
We’re all asked to Check In at every venue we enter. But a staff member behind the Covid check-in app decided to take a week off, not messaging anyone that they may have been at an exposure site. It took a question to government for the stuffup to be realised and acted on.
JANUARY 9: JETSETTING FORMER POLLIE BARRED
AT least one Territorian has decided to jump on a jet and explore London with direct flights. Controversial former pollie Ken Vowles has been exploring the UK, noting he was “freezing”. The ousted Labor pollie didn’t receive a warm welcome when he tried to visit the Uppermill Conservative Club, saying they wouldn’t let him in. Don’t worry Kenny, there’s plenty of hot weather and beer on tap back in the Territory.
SWEETENER FOR OUTGOING SENATOR
FORMER Solomon MP Natasha Griggs is back in town. Griggs was appointed as the Administrator of Christmas Island after she lost her seat to Luke Gosling in 2016. But with her term due to expire later this year, Bushie wonders if another Territorian could be in line for the job. CLP senator Sam McMahon will be looking for a new gig after losing preselection. It could be the perfect sweetener to ensure she stays with team-CLP during the election campaign. Although her recent verbal dust-up with Nationals federal director Jonno Hawkes in a Canberra pub won’t have helped her chances. But the senator isn’t putting all her eggs in one basket, replying to a job posting from One Mile Brewery that she’d be available after May.
A SPATE OF BAD TIMING
THE change to the testing regime for new arrivals didn’t come soon enough for many, including a few NT News scribes such as Jason Walls. Meanwhile, Phillippa Butt was stuck searching for a PCR testing centre in Melbourne on New Year’s Day because the Victorian government decided to only open about 10 facilities. Alarm set for 5.45am, Butt managed to be about 30th in line on the Sunday, but still hadn’t received her negative result on arriving in the NT on Tuesday just before 11am. Then, just after 1pm, Chief Minister Michael Gunner announced arrivals would only need a rapid antigen test within two hours of arriving – a few minutes too late. Heading to her PCR test in Darwin on Tuesday evening, she waited an hour only to pull up in front of a nurse as her phone buzzed with a negative result. Someone, somewhere must have known to get the results out before those in the mainstream media (and with a very large reach) sit down behind their computers again.
PRETTY STRENUOUS
WITH a mask mandate in place, gyms were told attendees had to mask up upon arrival and exit but could remove their mask if doing strenuous exercise. Palmerston trainer Ange Liddicoat, of ARC Fitness, took to Facebook to remind, and perhaps warn, her clients. “The exercise performed at ARC is considered strenuous.” There’s no lazing around at that gym!
PICTURES OF ME
ON New Year’s Eve, minister for nice frocks (and health) Natasha Fyles posted a heartfelt message to all the hardworking doctors, nurses and other health professionals who helped keep us safe in 2021. Lovely. The post also included eight photos – all of Natasha Fyles.
REASON TO SKIP
BUSHIE was bemused by the NT government’s announcement this week that unvaccinated residents had been banned from exercising. Now if ever there was a reason not to be vaccinated …
TERRITORY CONNECTIONS
SYDNEY-based epidemiologist Marylouise McLaws, who has ignored online abuse from anti-vaxxers to discuss the latest pandemic developments, has a Territory connection. AMA NT head Dr Robert Parker was undertaking a Masters in Health Administration at UNSW where Professor McLaws lectured in virology.
“From memory I scored a distinction for her coursework,” he said.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: Former ICAC boss Ken Fleming who, it was revealed this week, published an incomplete text message by then NT News editor Matt Williams in the Darwin Turf Club grandstand report without affording him natural justice.
JANUARY 2: COLOURFUL ASH TINS
One of Bushie’s spies fancied a quiet family dinner at a Territory favourite, but they weren’t prepared for their Grandfather’s interrogation after reading the words of wisdom written on the Humpty Doo Hotel’s ash tins.
TIMING IS EVERYTHING
A responsible patron of the Parap Railway Tavern slept in his car overnight after a skinful in the bar the night before. Doing the right thing is commendable until he decided to get out of his car and relieve himself outside the Tavern on Parap Rd the next morning. Timing is everything and the police happened to be driving past at the same time he was taking the pressure off his bladder. The cop car subsequently did a U-turn and arrived at his side as he was completing his ablutions.
NEW OWNERS AT TROUBLED SPOT
There’s nothing like a fresh start. A lifeline for the troubled Nightcliff eatery Souvlaki Grill and Chill, with new double-vaccinated owners ready to serve a hungry city. The shop’s had a colourful few years with the previous owners, vehement anti-vaxxers.
DRESSED TO IMPRESS
Natasha Fyles returned to the Covid pressers this week. But it wasn’t just her statements that caught the attention of livestream viewers. More than once this week viewers noted the Health Minister’s dress sense leaving comments like “I love her dress” and “nice dress Fyles.”
NEW YEAR, SAME DEBATE
WHILE 2021 is done and dusted, Bushie is happy to begin the leadership speculation for 2022. With a new baby due to arrive in a few months, Gunner might be eyeing a dignified exit sometime late this year. On November 27, Gunner will pass Clare Martin as Labor’s longest-serving chief minister. Some in the Labor camp say this could be the perfect time for him to step down while others disagree.
BIG XMAS FOR SHREWD TIPSTERS
A few shrewd Labor-types had a very merry Christmas after cashing in with the bookies. In July, bookmaker BetRight offered up the extraordinary odds of 8-1 for Michael Gunner to still be Chief Minister by Christmas. Those in the know within the ALP sensed an offer too good to be true and duly cleaned up come Christmas Day.
BOUCHIER MAKES RETURN
A familiar Territory face on national television over the past week – former NT News entertainment whiz and Tennant Creek alumni Daniel Bouchier is fronting ABC’s News Breakfast in the absence of regular hosts Michael Rowland and Lisa Miller.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: Labor press conferences. Pressers made their return after Christmas but have been treated like chores by ministers. Fyles in particular has cut questioning short more than once while coming to other conferences without all of the information.
DECEMBER 26: NOT BEER BATTERED
BUSHRANGER salutes the compassionate way the Beachfront Hotel cares for its beer.
It has helpfully installed a sign at the Nightcliff venue reminding patrons of their obligations when interacting with stubbies, longnecks and tinnies in captivity.
CHRISTMAS BREAK
POLICE can take the next few weeks off, according to themselves. An officer told a journo on Thursday morning that crime had quietened down in the Top End because of the threat of a looming cyclone! Maybe climate change will benefit us after all.
MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY
OUR humble chief health officer heaped praise on himself this week. Despite earlier saying all restrictions needed to be proportionate and defensible. Dr Hugh Heggie couldn’t explain why returning Territorians couldn’t use rapid antigen tests before flying and instead needed to get a PCR test. The rapid tests are apparently good enough for after you’ve arrived. Instead, he just said the rules were defensible because he and other medical experts in the NT government had done a good job keeping Territorians safe over the past two years. Defensible!
ANIMAL FARM
THERE was evident tension between the Member for the People’s Republic of Nightcliff and the state media this week. When asked by a senior media figure about comments from a leading epidemiologist on ABC News, Natasha Fyles attacked the messenger. “We’ll take our advice from our (chief health officer), not from ABC News,” she said pointedly to a room that included journalists from the ABC. Newsflash for Ms Fyles – a leading infectious diseases expert made the comments. ABC was merely the medium.
TERRITORY ATTIRE
WHILE familiar with the notion that the camera adds 10 pounds, Bushie was unaware that it can also cause one to lose their pants. While struggling through some sweltering Top End heat, Bushies’ spies stumbled upon ABC newsreader Ben Gubana sporting a pair of shorts hidden from view as he read the Territory’s 7pm bulletin.
COVID KERFUFFLE
WHEN it comes to the pandemic, Bushie knows the facts matter. It was for this reason Bushies’ spies became confused over conflicting information from the NT government and health service Congress. Congress says there were two Covid cases detected in Alice Springs, but the government says otherwise. Bushie remains confused.
TO A BETTER 2022
Have a Happy New Year, readers!
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK: VIRGIN Australia won’t C U in the NT, after it threw the holiday plans of Territorians into limbo. Thanks for creating a nightmare before Christmas!
DECEMBER 19: UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP
BUSHIE spies have noticed the frosty relationship between CHO Dr Hugh Heggie (number 119 on the NT News power list) and Health Minister Natasha Fyles. At press conferences, Fyles seems to almost prevent Heggie from talking. At one point she told him to just answer the question and keep it quick, in front of the media and audiences watching live at home. To be fair, Dr Heggie at one point last week said the changes to the Territory’s border rules were “complex but simple”. He also somehow brought up polio when asked about booster shots for Covid-19.
BOUGHT A PLEMMONS
CHANNEL 9 camera operator Tom was full of beans at a press conference in Darwin this week where he excitedly announced to the group that he’d made a new friend down at the park. “I met a dog that looks like Jesse Plemmons!” he said, proudly showing off a split screen he’d done with his new pal on one side and the award-winning TV star on the other.
OWN GOAL
A PLANNED broadcast of a NTFL game last Saturday was off to a bumpy start, presumably because of a Friday night on Mitchell St. The stream of the 3pm game on the NT News website couldn’t begin, because the cameraman had reportedly “slept in”. Mind you, Territorians are no strangers to sleeping in past 2pm on a Saturday.
FANNING THE FLAMES
THE Territory may or may not be a big fan of Gerard Maley, but for a party which apparently opposes big government, they sure seem to have a lot of it. Maley sent out shiny handheld fans to help cool off journalists last week, inadvertently announcing his ambition to double the size of the public service. The giveaway? Maley’s email address was printed electorate.nelson@nt.gov.gov.au.
Blown away by this Xmas gift pic.twitter.com/lDsRwuRTEA
— Thomas Morgan (@thomasmorgan22) December 10, 2021
BLAND BRAND
WHEN you think the Centre for National Resilience, what do you think of? Nothing? That’s because it’s a nothing name, dreamt up by nothing people who think beige is a fun exciting colour or who get a kick out of receiving a newsletter from their local politician in the mail. We need to park the name. Instead, can we call it by a simple, straightforward name like, hmm, the Howard Springs quarantine facility?
HOSPITAL PASS
THE NT News haven’t exactly given the bureaucracy of NT Health a lot of love this year, but that seems to sit very well with the overworked frontline workers at Palmerston Regional Hospital. Bushie has attained pictures of the facility’s Christmas tree, decked out with plastic crocs, fake birds, empty bottles of iced coffee and… some of the NT News’ most iconic front pages. Passes the pub test!
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
CHIEF Minister Michael Gunner hasn’t had a great week, being caught out strolling along the Esplanade in Cairns while NT tourism operators turned purple over new border rules. I’m sure Nicole Manison and Natasha Fyles weren’t feeling very festive, cleaning up that mess!
DECEMBER 12:
THE most recent lockdown imposed on Darwin caused havoc for one florist, who had to throw out flowers ordered in for events like office and trade functions. Then, when the city opened up again, she received a sudden rush of orders for farewells. Bushie has been told she soon realised the flowers were for unvaccinated public servants who were leaving their government jobs because of the mandate. Talk about a silver lining.
SCHOOL ZONE’S OUT
GREAT job to the crews who took the better part of six months to set up two sets of traffic lights to Nightcliff Rd, you’ve done astounding work. There’s just one problem – you’ve forgotten to restore the ‘End School Zone’ sign leading away from Nightcliff Primary. This means no motorist has any clue when they can speed back up to 60km/h.
COOBER IMPEDED
IT IS a little-known zoological fact that lizards get gout, which is why NT Property Council’s Ruth Palmer was at the vet this week with her family’s pet bearded dragon Coober. “They get gout in their legs, in their tongues, they get it everywhere,” she said. At last report Coober and his tongue were both on the road to full recovery.
UNFIT FOR PURPOSE
BUSHRANGER wants to salute NT News scribe Jason Walls, who has spent weeks taking a heroic stand against a gym with a potentially misleading name. Walls got into a social media bunfight with iFitness 24/7 because it doesn’t have Wi-Fi, questioning whether the ‘i’ was truthful. When the gym accidentally locked him out of the building, Walls then took a bat to the 24/7 part of the name.
AVIAN ARIA
IT’S not every day that bird songs join the likes of Adele, Ed Sheeran, Paul Kelly and Taylor Swift at the top of the charts, but here we are. In the top five albums on the Aria Charts this week was the unexpected debut of the latest release from ‘Australian Bird Calls’. In its first week on the charts, the artist’s latest album ‘Songs of Disappearance’ hit fifth spot on the list. Bushie has since learnt this album was released by none other than a Charles Darwin University PHD student. We hope this isn’t the artist’s swan song.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK:
THE government deserve a kick in the proverbial for their new travel rules, which effectively mean tourism operators outside of Alice Springs, Katherine and Darwin are outta luck for interstate travellers. Bushie wonders whether they were even considered before Gunner announced the changes.
PAINTS AN UGLY PICTURE
There’s no use crying over spilt paint … unless you drive through it with your car, then maybe it’s justified if you cry.
A Bushie spy spotted this mess on Casuarina Dr along the Nightcliff foreshore.
Obviously someone forgot the age old saying goes with the colour red … who would paint the town white?
DECEMBER 5:
AFTER years of relentless questioning, finally Infrastructure Minister Eva Lawler admitted she wasn’t too plussed about the growth rate of plants on the iconic Cavenagh St shade structure.
“Yes, people often ask me, ‘Have the vines grown fast enough?’ Not to my liking,” Ms Lawler said last week.
“But the actual structure is a lovely structure,” she quickly added.
UNENVIRONMENT MINISTER
BUSHIE hopes Lawler, who is also the Environment Minister, misspoke in Question Time this week when she was asked a Dorothy Dixer about her credentials.
She proudly proclaimed that her party was “climate change deniers”.
THE BEST FORM OF FLATTERY
THE Sydney Morning Herald gave a nod to the NT News in its report on possible contempt charges against Channel 7 this week.
But despite reporting on the alleged wrongdoing of others, apparently didn’t learn any lesson about professional journalistic ethics.
“Media outlets can be held in ‘sub judice’ contempt for publishing material that could influence a potential future jury in a case before it has been resolved by a court,” the Herald’s reporters wrote, in an uncannily similar (word-for-word) turn of phrase to that found in the NT News article they were referencing.
BUSHIE ON BUSHES
THERE was an impromptu redecoration of a parliamentary conference room on Thursday, after a media adviser rushed into the room to rearrange plants.
He had instructions that there needed to be a bit of greenery in the backdrop of Health Minister Natasha Fyles’ press conference, much to the bemusement of the surrounding press.
HUMP DAY
A TODAY Show interview with the heroic dog Banjo who survived a croc attack descended into chaos on Tuesday morning, after the staffie decided to hump the Channel 9 cameraman live on air.
The owner Tom helpfully explained his dog must’ve mistaken the cheerful brekky TV interview for making a “porno”.
“That’s why he’s practising on the cameraman’s legs,” the owner quipped shortly before the interview hit the fifth minute of humping.
The Sydney-based studio unravelled into fits of laughter as the Northern Territory demonstrated once again why it’s not fit for live TV.
TIS THE SEASON TO BE FASHIONABLE
MINISTER Chansey Paech is known for his fashionable looks. On the last sitting day of parliament for 2021, Labor MLAs wore either red or green, or both, to celebrate the looming festive season.
Not to be outdone, Mr Paech wore a green suit patterned with tiny gingerbread men and Christmas decorations.
“The best $40 I’ve ever spent,” he was overheard saying.
WORST PERFORMANCE OF THE WEEK
THE people who continue to target Kalidonis Taverna in Darwin. The joint was targeted twice by alleged thieves in the space of a week, causing a headache for its owner.
Hopefully the cops nab who’s responsible.
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