Federal Election 2025: James Weir recaps the third leaders’ debate

Last night’s debate was a chance to rev up this tedious election campaign. Unfortunately, we’ve seen higher stakes on Lego Masters, writes James Weir.

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Channel 9 had the opportunity to light a fire under this dreary Federal Election campaign and get the nation talking with Tuesday night’s leaders’ debate but everyone involved acted like they were on Easter holiday in Fiji with Karl Stefanovic.

After weeks of Anthony Albanese and Peter Dutton carefully controlling their tame campaigns to not allow a moment of chaos, this televised duel was finally the moment to throw both leaders off their feet. With about one week to go until Aussies hit the polling booths, now was the time to get the gents riled up. They’re tired, they’re agitated – and they’ve been on the road so long they haven’t even had time to watch the White Lotus finale.

This debate was billed as a showdown. Unfortunately, we’ve seen higher stakes in an episode of Lego Masters.

First of all, Channel 9 producers did the dirty on Albo. The camera angle they selected only exaggerated the size difference between the leaders and made the PM look like he was wearing a suit from OshKosh B’gosh.

If you were flicking through the channels, you probably landed on Channel 9 and thought you were watching Scooby and Scrappy Doo.

Dutton even held up his hand and said: “You must be THIS tall to ride.”

OK, fine, he didn’t say that. Picture: Channel 9.

Moderator Ally Langdon needed to bring some of the attitude she reserves for handling welfare cheats and dodgy plumbers when she hosts A Current Affair.

“The rules: Both leaders have agreed to keep their answers to 60 seconds,” she said, trying her best to muster up the same energy of Grant Denyer over on Channel 10’s Deal Or No Deal.

‘I’m not a regular debate moderator – I’m a COOL debate moderator.’

“We will allow interjections – we think a bit of theatre is OK,” she said with a wink and a shoulder jig.

Too bad they didn’t lean in on the promise.

There needed to be a studio audience doing a chant as that 60-second timer counted down.

Five! Four! Three! Two! …

And then one of those wha-wha-whaaaa buzzer horns they use at the end of basketball games.

Obviously the biggest missed opportunity was not including Karl Stefanovic – who, in the days leading up to the debate, jetted out of the country for an Easter break in Fiji.

Channel 9 execs are famous for snubbing their highest-paid star when it comes to allocating the hosting gigs during their election coverage — mainly because they’re worried he’s going to do a shoey and then streak. But that’s exactly what this snoozefest needs.

We don’t blame him for buggering off to Fiji for a relaxing getaway while the nerds handle the election.

Still, producers could’ve at least done some picture-in-picture footage of Karlos heckling the leaders with ad-libbed questions as he sipped frozen daiquiris at the resort’s swim-up bar.

The debate circled around the same old talking points. Cost of living. Housing. Medicare. Everyone — including the leaders themselves — were, like Karl, in holiday mode.

Langdon, realising her game show host impersonations wouldn’t keep Australia from switching over to Farmer Wants A Wife on Channel 7, tried to inject a little energy by asking Dutton why nobody seemed to like him.

“Mr Dutton, somehow you’re going backwards in the polls. How do you rate your performance in this campaign?”

Ouch, diva!

Peter Dutton and Anthony Albanese in the third leaders' debate. Picture: Channel 9.

Langdon then threw to questions from The Panel Of Chaos: made up of That Lady, A Man and Some Other Guy.

Some Other Guy tried to be a messy queen by getting the leaders to both trash talk each other.

“Perhaps the one consistent thing with both your campaigns is you’ve accused each other of lying,” he said. [What is] The biggest lie that you think each other has told?”

On Married At First Sight, they call this game “The Honesty Box” challenge.

Cue Dutton’s refrain: “He’s loose with the truth!”

“Minister, you couldn’t lie straight in bed,” Dutton scolded the PM in a rare spicy moment.

Albo (clearly having missed the boozy dinner party episodes of Married At First Sight), reached for ice water rather than the straight diesel fuel viewers were praying for.

“You can go to abuse – that’s a sign of desperation,” he dismissed the taunts. “Peter, frankly, that’s a sign of desperation.”

Throughout the hour, the leaders were peppered with questions about all the same topics from the first two debates. Langdon then had a bright idea.

“Okay, gentlemen … people are sick of the talking points. [They] … are looking for something to get them across the line. They want to feel inspired,” she said.

Too right, Langdon. These leaders need to tell us something that matters! What’s your most-played song on Spotify? Do you think Clint and Jacqui’s post-MAFS engagement is fake? If you were given the option to take The Substance like Demi Moore and temporarily live as a hotter version of yourself, would you inject the mystery medication? Speaking of which – can we get The Substance on the TGA and do you promise to add it to the Medicare rebates list?

Before they could answer, time was up.

“Time flies when you’re having fun!” Langdon sang.

Don’t be loose with the truth.

Originally published as Federal Election 2025: James Weir recaps the third leaders’ debate