The unwritten rules of Secret Santa everyone seems to be getting wrong

From cookie-baking Secret Santas to office gossip elves, our festive gift exchange delivered laughs, chaos, and a few surprises. Some rules were ignored, some dreams were realised, and a backpack milestone made. Emma columnist explains.

The unwritten rules of Secret Santa everyone seems to be getting wrong. Picture: iStock.

Whatever you call it—White Elephant, Dirty Santa, Yankee Swap, Kris Kringle, or the traditional Secret Santa—you either love it or you hate it.

Personally, I think it’s a great way to grab gifts for a large group, include everyone, and not blow your budget.

But put down the Temu and Shein options people—it’s not about snagging the cheapest thing on the internet; it’s about a thoughtful gift that makes someone smile.

My Secret Santa baked me the most delicious cookies known to humankind— 10 points for thoughtfulness and 100 points for taste. She really delivered in a big way.

Some heroes wear capes… mine wears an apron and delivers cookies.

But fellow readers, what ARE the rules of the Secret Santa? Because apparently, everyone has a completely different idea about what’s “allowed” and what’s not.

It’s supposed to take the stress out of gift-giving, not turn it into a gladiator-style fight to the death.

Let me explain, my little elves.

Our festive “Santa” for the day — and the newest addition to the office — Will Lewis, delivering a surprise gift to journalist Molly Frew.

Traditional Secret Santa—you either love it or you hate it. Personally, I think it’s a great way to grab gifts for a large group, include everyone, and not blow your budget. Picture: Molly Frew.

We recently had a “not-so-secret” Secret Santa (thanks to one very chatty colleague). For the most part, it went well. Mostly.

But one person got missed out, and another kept redrawing names until they got someone they actually wanted to gift. Naturally, I took this personally.

I mean, if he put my name back, does it mean he doesn’t know me at all?

Then, of course, the office gossip elf went around spilling the beans about who got who. Hahaha. So, seriously—what are the rules?

Because over here at The Cairns Post, it’s pure pandemonium if everyone is just making it up as they go along.

In my head, it’s simple: names go in a hat, you pick one blindly, no takesies-backsies. If you’re stuck on what to get someone, that’s part of the fun!

Use it as a little investigative assignment to learn a bit more about your recipient. Come on, we’re journalists—that’s basically our day job anyway, right?

You also don’t tell people who you got, especially ahead of time. It’s SECRET Santa, people—how much clearer can it get?

The only exception I will allow is after gifts have been exchanged, the Santa can reveal themselves if they want.

Oh, and note to self - stick to the budget. I’ll admit, I’ve broken this one a few times. However, next year I’m putting it on my bingo card to be smarter with money.

I’m getting older, and my youth can’t take the blame forever.

On a positive note, my gorgeous neighbour gifted me The Barefoot Investor, by Scott Pape a book she swears by. So, I’m officially going to be grown-up… watch this space for future investing tips. Not.

I love giving to the Kmart Wishing Tree. It’s in its 38th year—same age as me! So must be good! For those who don’t know, the saints at the Salvation Army collect gifts from Kmart to help families and kids in need. Picture: iStock.

Which brings me to the question: do Secret Santas actually work anymore, or do we end up with more junk than thoughtful gifts?

And while we’re on the topic of “fun,” the controversial White Elephant version—bring a funny, useless, or gag gift for everyone to fight over. I think it’s a waste.

Most of that “junk” ends up in the bin, and do we really need thirty minutes of landfill-fuelled drama?

Also while you’re here and to not appear full grinch mode, I do think it’s important to remember that the festive season can be tough for some.

Emotions run high, stress piles up, and for many, Christmas isn’t all joy and tinsel. That’s why I love giving to the Kmart Wishing Tree. It’s in its 38th year—same age as me! So must be good! For those who don’t know, the saints at the Salvation Army collect gifts from Kmart to help families and kids in need.

And please, let’s keep it real: these should be legit, new gifts, not the old sneakers you were going to regift.

This year, I went all out with buying a gift for a teenage girl - which I had so much fun doing.

What I especially love is Kmart have put a special request in to the “Santas” out there, for gifts that bring joy to teenagers and help families connect to share special moments. Yay to board games instead of screens! Other suggests they asked for were educational toys, backpacks, or arts and crafts.

It’s always been a dream of mine to one day meet my nephew at the school gate at the end of the day, walk home together, carry his backpack, and hear all about his adventures. Picture: iStock.

I actually just had a real-life milestone moment: buying my nephew his first backpack and sending it on Santa’s sleigh to Toronto—where he lives with my sister, of course. It’s always been a dream of mine to one day meet him at the school gate at the end of the day, walk home together, carry his backpack, and hear all about his adventures.

I anticipate plenty of detours along the way: some hand-holding, maybe a comment or two about why I’m the best aunty ever, and inevitably some weird little pipe-cleaner arts-and-crafts creation dangling from his hand as we stroll down the sidewalk in the hot Canadian summer.

A girl can dream right, and buying him his backpack? I’m halfway there!

So I’m telling you all this because maybe someone else out there has a dream just like that — and buying something small for the Wishing Tree or a similar donation service might be the little moment of magic they need.

It’s such a simple way to bring a little extra joy to someone who really needs it—and honestly, isn’t that the whole point of Christmas anyway?

Happy gifting — and while I’ll be working through the holiday season, on behalf of myself and the team, we wish you and your loved ones a very happy festive season.

If you’ve got any yarns you want to chat about during this “quiet” time, send me an email - [e-mail].

Originally published as The unwritten rules of Secret Santa everyone seems to be getting wrong