Former Cairns resident Leeann Mitchell still dreams about the attack on Thornton Beach which made headlines around the world, and of the life Cindy Waldron may have lived had a massive saltie not snatched it away as they held hands at the water’s edge.

In a raw and honest interview, Ms Mitchell has revealed she not only lost grip of her childhood friend that night, but of her own life – culminating in suicidal thoughts, a PTSD diagnosis and her leaving Far North Queensland for good.

She struggles to utter the word “crocodile”and has suffered hellish panic attacks at the mere sight of one, be it on a television screen, a T-shirt or a billboard.

“I don’t have a normal type of life and I don’t think I ever will,” she said.

“I find it difficult to talk about it. I can’t see those animals, even a children’s toy can trigger me.

“I did three years of pretending, but when I had that breakdown, I knew I had to admit it.”

The breakdown came after the third anniversary of Ms Waldron’s death, who was killed in May 2016.

Her reaction to the slightest “triggers” were not normal.

She recalls being set off at seeing a youngster wearing a Hartley’s croc park shirt at a supermarket, and a wildlife advertisement in an elevator at the Cairns casino.

“It could be a loud noise, or just something that is fearful,” she said.

“I never knew before this incident that shock was actually physical.

“Shock can be incredibly physically overwhelming.”

THE ATTACK

Ms Mitchell and Ms Waldron were at Thornton Beach in the Daintree Rainforest celebrating the end of her cancer treatment.

She had flown up from New South Wales to mark the occasion.

The pair was “whooping it up” like children on the sand at the water’s edge, at nightfall, under the stars.

“We were basically kicking around celebrating,” she said.

“We were just whooping it up, mostly kicking water at each other.

“The waves were quite big, but we were not swimming.

“We weren’t even in the water. We were on the edge, splashing essentially.”

Ms Waldron had her back to the ocean.

A 4.3m crocodile was watching.

RIDICULE AND BLAME

Ms Mitchell has lived with constant blame, scorn and ridicule since, something that resulted in suicidal thoughts.

“It was tough on everybody, some of my behaviour following the incident was tough,” she said.

“I just wanted to die. I thought if I had an accident, it would take some of the responsibility away.”

The beaches and waterways in the rainforest are known for big crocs, but that doesn’t stop backpackers and visitors from dipping their feet in.

Especially on Thornton Beach at Cape Tribulation.

The vast white sands and glistening blue waters are among the prettiest in the Far North.

“There is this presumption that no one jumps in there, but they do,” she said.

“We had been down on the beach with a local chatting only 20 minutes before it happened.

“It was just so surreal.”

THE AFTERMATH AND ESCAPE

It took three years, but Ms Mitchell was eventually admitted to hospital in 2019.

The panic attacks were real and her life was spiralling out of control.

She was diagnosed with PTSD.

“Health professionals decided it would be best if I removed myself all together,” she said.

“Cairns had been my home but I find it very difficult to be there because of the memories. I left because of the triggers.”

The former flight attendant never returned to work, managing to keep her head above water from smart investment decisions made as a younger woman.

She moved to her native New Zealand before embarking on a trip to England, where she was stuck for a year due to the Covid lockdowns.

An anxiety attack in Edinburgh – triggered by a group of Far North tourists sporting shirts with crocs emblazoned on the front – was a clear example of the lingering effects of her ordeal.

“People use it as an iconic image of Cairns, but I just don’t see the funny side of it,” she said.

“I think it is something that will always be with me.”

She was basically homeless, sleeping on a friend’s couch and waiting to fly back to NZ.

“I’ve become a gypsy, my home base just doesn’t exist,” she said.

“And that also means I haven’t received a lot of treatment.”

TRADING PLACES

So why Cindy?

It is a question that has haunted her for more than five years.

Of all the ways you can die, being dragged into the depths by a flesh-eating crocodile must rank in the nightmares of but a few.

“I wish, so much, that it had of been me and not her,” Ms Mitchell said.

“I wouldn’t want Cindy to go through having to survive it, either.

“I often just think, why her? I do occasionally dream about it.

“She was so looking forward to the future.”

A SPECIAL FRIEND

Not a day goes by without thinking about Ms Waldron, a “quirky, fun and incredibly kind person.”

Hours before her death the pair had a heart-to-heart conversation expressing pride in their friendship, and excitement about the future.

They were blissfully unaware it was about to be snatched away.

“I’ve travelled the world, wide and far, and I’ve never met anyone that comes close to being anything like Cindy Waldron,” Ms Mitchell said.

“She was such an amazing human and individual.

“I miss her all the time, that doesn’t change, it’s just living with it becomes easier.

“It’s not as raw as years passed.”

Yet the ghosts of that night are constant.

They may always be.

If you or someone you know needs assistance, calls Lifeline on 13 11 14 or visit www.lifeline.org.au

mark.murray@news.com.au