‘I was terrified about what my family’s reaction would be’: Anthony Callea reveals his deeply personal coming out story

In this exclusive extract from his upcoming memoir, singer Anthony Callea recounts his emotional experience coming out – and the real story behind his Australian Idol fame.

Since shooting to stardom on the 2004 season of Australian Idol Anthony Callea has triumphed on the charts, on the stage and, yes, again on reality TV. But as open and as proud as he is now about life with his husband Tim Campbell, the singer was once filled with private pain. In this exclusive extract from his memoir Behind The Voice, Callea, now 40, recalls his fears about coming out: “I was terrified of what my family’s reaction would be”

Here’s a bit of news I haven’t shared before. My first experience with Australian Idol wasn’t in the second season; it was actually the inaugural season. I turned up to audition for the first year of Australian Idol. Before the first season, I don’t think anybody, not even the producers, knew what a phenomenon it was going to be, but it was pretty clear that it might be a life-changing show for an aspiring singer.

And I needed a life-changing moment in my life; the biggest distraction I could find to keep my happy singing endeavours alive. Even with the darkness, I still mustered the energy to continue my big dreams of playing to bigger audiences than weddings and casino gaming floors. But as the months continued, I knew I had to make more than just a professional leap in my life. Something had to change. Dramatically.

So, I did two things that day that were meant to be life-altering. I signed up to this mega TV audition, with my cousin Anna as moral support. And I left my parents a letter. Basically, six pages telling them that I was gay, that I hadn’t been able to tell them face-to-face, and detailing all that angst I’d been holding on to for years and years. I left that letter in our home where they could find it, and went to audition for one of the biggest television talent shows Australia had ever seen.

Anthony Callea: ‘At this point, yes, I knew I was gay, but I couldn’t even say the word out loud.’Picture: Adrian Price for Stellar

For context, I’ve put a lot of things from my past in a vault, and I thought I threw away that key years ago. But, of course, that vault never ceases to exist, so reliving this now and putting it into words makes me feel very anxious. But it’s all a good release for a 40-year-old.

Still to this day, I can’t comprehend why I thought that walking into an Idol audition after dropping this bombshell on my parents, which I’d convinced myself would totally blow my life up, was going to work for me. Music and singing were a distraction for me, so I chose a huge one this day. At this point, yes, I knew I was gay, but I couldn’t even say the word out loud. I couldn’t even look at myself in the mirror and say, “I’m gay.” The shame and embarrassment were too much and I hated myself.

Because of my state of mind at the time – feeling anxiety, fear and sadness – the experience of going to the audition is a little blurry. I remember giving them my name and receiving a number. Then waiting for my turn. Finally, my number was called and reality hit. I started freaking out and having the quietest panic attack I could manage.

I was standing in the holding room, where I’d been lining up with thousands of people for four hours for my chance to audition for the judges, when I heard my number being called. I covered up the number on my chest and remained quiet. They probably called it three or four times before moving on to the next, but it felt like hours.

I couldn’t do it; couldn’t move a muscle.

When they stopped saying my number, I fled the room, assuming I was being discreet, but I can only imagine how obvious I was.

I was too scared to go into the audition, but I couldn’t go home, either, because I was terrified of what my family’s reaction would be. Anna was such a great support, but there was nothing she could do here. I had turned my phone off for the day as I didn’t want my parents to contact me.

Anna caught up with me outside. We were at the back of Rod Laver Arena [in Melbourne], as the auditions were in some of the large rooms inside. I told Anna to head back home and that I just needed some time to myself and, of course, assured her I’d be fine. I then sort of stumbled out into the city and booked myself into a hotel. There, I crawled into bed and stayed there for a couple of nights, because I just didn’t want to face my mum and dad.

Anthony Callea: ‘This build-up of fear and anxiety in me for so many years was met with love, acceptance and wanting to help.’ Picture: Adrian Price for Stellar

What I didn’t know is that my parents didn’t find the letter right away. All they knew was that I went to the city, and never came home. Night fell, and my poor dad was driving around the city for hours, searching for me, as concerned and scared as any parent would be. Finally, my cousin spoke to him.

“Just so you know, Anthony is fine. But he doesn’t want you to know where he is. He just needs to get his head in the right space.” By this time, they had found my letter.

When I learnt that, I felt so sorry for my parents, because they were so, so worried. They didn’t know if I was lying dead in a ditch somewhere, or what.

All that worry because I was embarrassed to face them.When you come out to your parents, no matter how loving and supportive they have been all of your life, you just don’t know how they will react. This is a common story from so many of my gay friends. Humans tend to fear the unknown. And in this case, I certainly feared the shame that I made myself believe they had for me. I was ashamed of myself, so I could only guess how ashamed they were of me.

After telling myself that they would at least be worried sick, I ended up going home.

So that’s how I came out to my parents. And until I actually saw them, I was sure that I was a shameful person who’d now done a terrible thing. I walked into their home and broke down. But my parents embraced me tightly and didn’t let me go. No words were said, yet.

I eventually went to my room and sat on my bed, silent. My dad came in and sat on the edge of the bed. He was very quiet, and I was so sure this bombshell I had just dropped, this fact that I was gay, would make them disappointed in me. Finally, he just said, “There is nothing wrong with you, Anthony. You haven’t hurt anyone. You haven’t done anything wrong. We love you. What can Mum and I do to help you?”

Anthony Callea features in this Sunday’s Stellar. Picture: Steven Chee for Stellar.

I can’t describe how this made me feel; it gives me goosebumps reliving it. This build-up of fear and anxiety in me for so many years was met with love, acceptance and wanting to help. Not what I was expecting at all. In hindsight, of course, I should have expected nothing else, but you know what they say about hindsight …

I was so fortunate to receive that response. In my head, coming out was going to be something devastating for not only me, but for my family, their reputations, and their place in the community. I also know many LGBTQIA+ people who haven’t had the same loving, understanding and supportive response from their families. That fear of rejection we build in our heads has unfortunately become a reality for so many.

But my parents were just relieved that I’d confided in them. They now knew about the inner demons I’d been living with, eating me up inside. Not that I was ready to give over too much more.

Behind The Voice: Dietro La Voce by Anthony Callea (Simon & Schuster, $34.99) is out on Wednesday.

Originally published as ‘I was terrified about what my family’s reaction would be’: Anthony Callea reveals his deeply personal coming out story