Aussies’ sex secrets: What we’re doing in the bedroom

New research has revealed a seismic shift in the way Aussies approach their sex life. See what is trending in the bedroom.

Aussie’ sex lives are changing, with one-night stand revealed to be dead.

A seismic shift in the way Australians approach their sex lives has seen the end of the one-night stand, replaced by sexual mindfulness, a new report shows.

There still may be casual sex but not with different partners, sex and relationship therapist Christine Rafe says.

“The one-night stand has had its day,” Rafe says.

“Covid changed the whole shape of dating because lockdowns were a forced transition to more chatting and getting to know people because we were isolated in terms of being able to have one-night stands.

“We know a one-night stand is kind of unlikely to result in, for a woman in particular, fabulous sex.”

Central to the shift is women’s own understanding and ownership of their bodies and the type of relationships they seek.

Rafe says many of her clients can chart their transition from being more submissive to being fully in charge of their own sexuality.

“Women want to have good sex and what makes that, is knowing what you what, communicating that with a partner and knowing what works for that individual.
“It’s when women speak up and communicate exactly what they know about pleasure,” she says.

Young couple flirting and drinking wine on a bed

‘WOMEN ARE SO CLUED IN’

Rafe says research proves one-night stands don’t tend to be of great benefit to women. Orgasm only happens 11 per cent of the time on a first sexual encounter, 16 per cent on the second, 34 per cent on the third and in sexual relationships lasting longer than six months, the rate is
67 per cent.

“Women are so clued into these things now,” she says.

“In most one-night stands the male orgasms 97 per cent of the time but the rate for women is much lower. We’re social beings and it’s also about connecting, exploring, being curious and a sexual hook-up after a pub crawl won’t give you those things.’’

The annual Lovehoney 2023 Sex Trends Report says, while there may have been a first wave of post pandemic ‘make up for lost time’ sex, people are now looking for a holistic experience.

Lovehoney Group Australia managing director Rob Godwin says we’re in an era of great change in the sex lives of Australians.

“Covid brought with it a strong focus on mental health and relationships and in turn we’ve seen a seismic shift in the way Australians approach their sex lives,” Godwin says.

“Increased education about the relationship between mindfulness, mental health and sexuality has helped to break down the taboos associated with sexual pleasure, and Australians have become more aware of the ways in which sexual pleasure and satisfaction can lead to improved stress levels, relationships, and self-love,” Godwin says.

LEAN INTO INTIMACY

Men’s sex coach and sexologist Cam Fraser says a lot of men get a bad rap for not appearing to care about women’s pleasure when the opposite is true. But they may need to lean more into intimacy, connection and be encouraged to be emotionally available.

“While I think people are moving away from the one-night stand, I don’t think they’re moving away from casual sex,” Fraser says.

“I think people still want casual sex but it doesn’t mean treating each other casually. You can have beautiful, connected sex with someone who isn’t your partner but there always has to be some respect.

His work with men is to help them open and be vulnerable and honest. Women then are also more likely to feel they’re in a safe place.

“My work with men is to help them not take it so personally, to get their egos out of the way and not shut down, get offensive, hostile or aggressive,” Fraser says.

“Instead, say ‘thank you for sharing with me’ and talk about how to make it a more pleasurable experience. It’s a really empowering experience for my male clients to have these emotionally expressive conversations about what they desire.

“It changes their approach. Once they realise there’s an emotional depth to them, it shifts their approach to sex to focus less on performance and more on pleasure.”

Originally published as Aussies’ sex secrets: What we’re doing in the bedroom