Rumble in the crumble: Twitterati get all cliquey about their favourite bikkie

VOTING  has closed in thesearch for Australia’s favourite biscuit. The poll was conducted after the NT News triggered a nationwide civil war through its publication of a highly inflammatory Top 10 biscuit list

Darwin’s Isabella Marovich and Kate Hulls fight over their favourite biscuits. Picture: Keri Megelus

POLLING  has closed for the NT News biscuit popular vote, with the cookie crumbling the way of the Tim Tam.

But Territorians have been left reaching for the digestives to absorb the results of the poll, with many locals believing Tim Tams should have been ineligible for the vote.

“Tim Tams are, in my opinion, not really a biscuit, but more like a chocolate bar in miniature,” said one fan of the often overlooked Arnott’s Gaiety under the condition of anonymity.

Another popular local protest to the Tim Tam was the biscuit’s propensity to melt on contact with air.

The poll was conducted after the NT News Twitter ­account triggered a kind of civil war across the nation through the publication of a highly inflammatory top 10 biscuit list, as seen below in our original tweet:

TOP TEN DEFINITIVE BISCUIT LIST:
1. JATZ.
1A. CHICKEN IN A BISCUIT
2 TRIPLE WAFER - CHOCOLATE ONLY
3. TIM TAM - ORIGINAL
4. MALT 'O' MILK
5. DELTA CREAM
6. SHORTBREAD YO-YOS MADE BY OUR NANA
7. TEDDY BEAR
8. KINGSTON
9. SCOTCH FINGER
10 SALADA

— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 3, 2019

While the English are known for their insatiable love of cake – even urinal cake isn’t off the cards in the country’s north – Australians, it seems, will defend their biscuit preferences without shame or fear.

Politicians, media members and the general citizenry took up arms in the great debate – with the Territory put squarely in the firing line.

The NT Minister for Tourism Lauren Moss was quick to question the wisdom of including both sweet and savoury biscuits on the same list.

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Victorian Labor MP Martin Peluka ridiculed the omission of shortbread creams.

Soon journalists from various national media and of all political scarfing were flying their flags in the Twitter storm.

News.com.au editor-in-chief David Penberthy, borrowing from the deft wit of NT News headline writers, kindly suggested this publication should “Stick its Jatz cracker up (our) clacker”.

You can stick your Jatz cracker up your clacker

— David Penberthy (@penbo) March 4, 2019

One NT News reporter was told not to come into work after pledging fealty to the Iced Vovo.

The Twitter crossfire became another proxy war in the Battle of the Territories between the NT and Canberra, with one ABC Canberra journalist advocating for the Territory’s “expulsion from the Federation”.

Others saw the list as a “deliberate provocation to ­incite division”.

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No one knows what the intention of this publication’s self-proclaimed ‘Biscuit Tsar’ was at the time of creating the list.

But after leaving a nation crumbling apart like a split Scotch Finger, if the aim was to incite division: mission accomplished.

NO OTHER NEWSPAPER IN THE WORLD WOULD BE SO GRACIOUS, SO DEMOCRATIC, SO TRANSPARENT. VOTE FOR YOU FAVOURITE BISCUIT. AND DON'T SCREW IT UP. https://t.co/YIF8EiAWOa #ozbiscuit pic.twitter.com/9jimGrVmRG

— The NT News (@TheNTNews) March 4, 2019

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THE NT NEWS FAVOURITE BISCUIT POLL (as voted by the rest of Australia, who clearly don’t know as much about biscuits as we do)

Tim Tam 27.7 per cent

Mint Slice 18.71 per cent

Monte Carlo 11.33 per cent

Kingston 11.15 per cent

BBQ Shapes 10.79 per cent

Iced Vovo 9.17 per cent

Scotch Finger 8.63 per cent

Anzac 8.36 per cent

Ginger Nut 8.27 per cent

Raspberry Shortcake 5.4 per cent

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POSTSCRIPT: Even though the NT News welcomed the rest of Australia to have their say in our poll, don’t expect the “so-called” vote to change our minds about our original list.

The last word must go to our own ‘Biscuit Tsar’, who commented: “We will ignore (the poll result) completely, but people do want to have their say.

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“We are the most democratic and transparent newspaper in the country and gracious — so we’ve opened it up, opened it up to the people of Australia so we can then ignore them.”