Yes. I'm laughing at your kid having a public tantrum

"No, it's not for the reason you might think..."

I'll be the first to admit that after over nine years of parenting three children, I am nowhere near understanding tantrums. 

I am also no closer to unlocking the key to staying calm and collected during them, or even preventing their escalation. 

But one thing I do enjoy about tantrums is when other children have tantrums, especially in public. 

It's not exactly schadenfreude (the pleasure derived by someone from another person's misfortune)—it's more of a sense of comfort/unity that it's not just me.

Watching your child have a tantrum in public is a universal parenting experience.

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“Tantrums in the wild are a comfort”

The other day, I was going up the escalators at a shopping centre when I heard the familiar sounds of a child whinging and a mother raging. I was on the phone with my mum at the time; "Is that one of yours?" she asked.

"Thankfully," I chuckle, "It's someone else's for once!" 

I listened to the mother lecturing her tween son, who wanted something and didn't get it. I realised all kids are the same. They want things and don't know how to handle it when parents say "no." 

The mother was trying her best to stay calm in a public setting, but as her son's whinge turned into a loud cry, she snapped. She turned to her son and said, "I told you no, and crying isn't going to make me say yes!"

I smiled, because tantrums in the wild, when put on by other children, make me smile. 

Horrible, I know. But I did it out of empathy and comfort—mostly for myself—because when you're a parent in the eye of a tantrum, you often feel alone. 

So I smiled because I know what it feels like, but I also shot the mum a solidarity smile. I've been there too often, sista.

Image: supplied

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“The sky is blue, and they want it to be green”

Don't get me wrong. I understand that tantrums are a rite of passage for kids and parents alike. But it can often feel like groundhog day when you're experiencing yet another meltdown because, for whatever reason, the sky is blue when your child wants it to be green.

More often than not, we can't actually solve the problem; we just sit there and try to be empathetic. 

But how does one do that when a child is on the floor or screaming in a public place? It's next to impossible. 

Despite all the parenting expert videos I watch, I can never follow along with their 3-5 step plans to de-escalate the situation. No matter how many times I watch it, save it, and rehearse it, in the heat of the moment, I fall back to my old habits. 

That's where the solidarity smile or chuckle comes in. I often think in those moments, when you feel the world's eyes burn into you, a bit of kindness could help the tension.

As parents, we often feel like everyone else has their sh*t together while you don't. But the reality is, there's not a day that goes by that a child isn't having some sort of meltdown at any age.

My parents might even agree to that, and I'm almost 40. 

I know it's not you; you're a wonderful parent. Or even your kid, who's just being a kid. I hope the twinkle in my eye as I walk past conveys that, mama.

Originally published as Yes. I'm laughing at your kid having a public tantrum