Where are your manners? The birthday party rule parents keep breaking

Is it too much to ask? to RSVP on time and bring the correct number of children on the day? Jordana, a mum of three, wants to know what happened to party. etiquette. 

I am extra when it comes to my kids' birthday parties. I'm not ashamed of it. I let them choose a theme but caveat that they can't change their minds after a specific date. And after the deadline passes, I go BANANAS. 

I will design personalised stickers and labels that I will then have printed. Yes, I have a "printer guy" - what mum doesn't!? I procure less-than-tacky decorations, and even though I admittedly outsource the cake, the party bags are custom for each child. I even have them at home to prep the night before, with my mum as my 2IC.  Yes, it can be a military operation, but in my opinion it's always worth it. 

That was until the 'invite the whole class' rule came into play. 

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You're invited...

And it's not because of the large numbers of kids - we had the same numbers - but the RSVP process broke me. 

Even though the class has a WhatsApp group (don't get me started - I'll save that rant for another day), the day before the party, I would still be unsure of the attendee numbers. 

Even when the invite would state, "Please RSVP by xxx", most parents took it as a suggestion and ignored it. 

Where has the RSVP etiquette gone? Hasn't anyone been watching period pieces? Surely, you've seen Bridgeton and The Gilded Age. Back then, you would cause quite a stir if you didn't respond to an invite, let alone come with someone who wasn't on the invite. I'm not asking for a response from your footman. A text will do! 

RELATED: Parents should pay for extra siblings at parties

I mean business when I throw a birthday party. Source: supplied

Wait, who are you?

Not only do I not know who's coming, but I also get random children rocking up. The number of siblings or cousins that tag along for the "ride" and stay always outweighs the no-shows. And don't think for a second they don't want to go home with a party bag, because they do! 

Unless we are super close or you have twins (even if they're in another class - I would never invite one without the other), the party is for the class only. Are we seriously at a point where I have to put on the invite "no siblings" - and if I do, will anyone adhere to it?

And while yes, my mother always says I over-cater (newsflash, mum, where do you think I picked that habit up from?), I don't ever cater enough for the class and their siblings, cousins and dog-walkers. What's even worse is when it's at a venue or play centre, which has become easier as the boys get older, you pay per child.

Just a heads up, those ring-ins get counted, too. There's no getting around a tally counter or front desk. Those places know how to charge!  

RELATED: If you want to bring siblings to my kid's party, BYO food

I go this level with parties, everything has to match. Source: supplied

I understand that younger kids often need to be dragged with them to avoid getting a sitter to watch them while you Uber your child from party to party. There's always plenty of cake, but don't expect a party bag! 

And while I'm glad I have some breathing room between now and the subsequent RSVP chase-down, might I suggest that parents, when you receive an invite via text, carrier pigeon, or footman, RSVP on time? And bring the correct number of children on the day?

Thank you so much for your attention and participation. 

Here, have a piece of cake. 

Originally published as Where are your manners? The birthday party rule parents keep breaking