'Rough 13 years': Lonely dad asks heartbreaking question

"It sounds like a decision. Don't blame your kids."

A father has asked the age old parenting question after having children: when do you find you again? 

The kids are 13 and nine and after all this time he’s beginning to wonder, “at what age do you regain your life?” 

Taking to a parenting group, the dad tried to find support from others who might relate to his experience. 

“Do you have friends? Hobbies?” he asks. “My spouse has a few friends but I essentially have none.”   

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“We have no hobbies, and really nothing in common"

It’s a common experience as a parent to suddenly find your hobbies missing and a social circle smaller than what it once was. But this dad also believes the strain is felt because of his marriage. 

“We have no hobbies, and really nothing in common. We don't do dates. It's been a rough 13 years. And it will probably be another rough 13 years,” he wrote. 

He adds that he works from home and is nearing retirement, and it’s left him feeling isolated and lonely. 

Commenters shared their suggestions for what he can do to feel purposeful. 

“You regain your life starting tomorrow. Prioritise your marriage. The whole family is derived from it and your kids will be happier if you put your marriage in the centre where it belongs,” one advised. 

“Choose yourself first. At your kids' ages they can stay home alone. Just go out for dinner. Plan it. Do it.,” another suggested. 

A third bluntly put it: “You do not get your life back in a box in the mail. You have to build all these things you say you want.”  

Finally, this sage mum said, "It sounds like a decision. Don’t blame your kids."

Image: iStock

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It took a while to get to this point

It seems that a lot of the advice he was given turned out to be useful. The dad conceded that there is some opportunity for some self growth. 

“I am going to start doing more community things. It took a while to get to this point. If you are/were like me, antidepressants can be a good short term solution, as is talk-therapy,” he revealed. 

“The main thing is I am starting to realise is that it’s up to me to change the equation, and I will have to do the work.” 

Originally published as 'Rough 13 years': Lonely dad asks heartbreaking question