My son struggles at school while his younger sister is a fast learner

“Well done, you’re a superstar, I tell my daughter. Then I see my son and immediately feel guilty."  

I’m listening to my six-year-old daughter read her school reader, and I’m blown away by how well she’s doing.

As she sounds out each word with perfect pronunciation and fluency, a smile creeps across my face. She has a go at a six-letter word and nails it. She’s only in grade 1, so I’m pretty impressed.

“Wow, honey, well done,” I say. “You’re a bit of a superstar.” Then, I look up and immediately feel a pang of guilt in my chest.

Sitting in the corner, my nine-year-old son bites his fingernails.

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"Outperformed by his sister"

He doesn’t say anything, but he looks at the floor and it's like I can see the cogs turning in his brain. Once again, he’s being outperformed by his sister, who is three years his junior.

Whereas reading comes naturally for my daughter, my son has always struggled with it. 

Often, he just pushes books away and gives up on his homework, which breaks my heart and usually ends up in an argument. And it’s not just his reading he struggles with.

My son generally takes longer to understand tasks, while my daughter will just ‘get’ things so easily. He frequently comes home saying he feels like he has difficulty concentrating in class and that he’s gotten into trouble for missing the teacher’s instructions. 

At one point, I was worried that perhaps it was his hearing that was the issue, but tests revealed his hearing was fine. It just seems that he doesn’t quite grasp things the same way my daughter does. 

Image: iStock

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Sibling rivalry and jealousy

I know that everyone has different strengths and abilities and it’s inevitable that one child is always going to be better than another at a given activity, but when the scales are so out, it can definitely be a challenge.

Naturally it can create a few dramas, like sibling rivalry and jealousy.

Most days, there are arguments and bickering between my son and daughter, and on more than one occasion, my son has been physically aggressive with her. My husband and I have had to come down hard on him for that.

I was reading that rates of sibling rivalry are lower in families where children feel they are treated equally by their parents and where their place in the family is respected and valued.

So, when it comes to my son, I’m trying really hard to acknowledge and praise his strengths. 

I’m also conscious about not comparing and contrasting my kids in front of each other, and avoiding activities that create  competition and an ugly aftermath. 

In life, someone will always be better at something than us. I guess as parents, it's our job to help our kids understand that, to recognise our own strengths, and to learn how to celebrate other people's successes.

Originally published as My son struggles at school while his younger sister is a fast learner