'My MIL keeps telling me I'm not washing my child properly and I'm sick of it'

"She is obsessed with my four-year-old daughter’s hygiene.”

Laura Jackel

3 min read

July 3, 2024 - 2:44PM

Parenting

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The relationship between a mother and daughter-in-law can be a challenging one, and for this mum it is becoming further strained due to her MIL’s obsession with keeping her granddaughter clean.

It has been going on since her daughter was a baby, as the troubled mum explains: “My MIL is obsessed with my daughter’s hygiene,” she writes on a popular parenting forum.

“She'd often say it's better just to wash them at nappy changes, rather than use wipes. Which apparently she used to always do with her own children.”

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Image: iStock.

"She needs to be washed"

Now that her daughter no longer wears nappies and is four years old and toilet trained, the MIL has begun making sure the little girl is washed after each visit to the loo, which is driving this mum crazy.

“She always goes on about how she needs to be washed. My mother in law doesn't look after her a lot but whenever she does go to her house, my daughter tells me that she gets a wash.

“It's like she's always making a massive deal out of her hygiene.”

The mum in the middle of the drama says she finds it “annoying” as she is being constantly reminded to wash her own daughter after every loo visit.

The mother-in-law also tells her how her granddaughter says it “hurts” when she just uses toilet paper, even if the little one says it doesn’t, as if this is a way of forcing her into washing.

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"I find it annoying and intrusive"

“I can't help but think she thinks there's a problem - since birth- in how I wash my child and I find it annoying and intrusive.

“For the record, I bathe my daughter regularly and I also wash her in between, just to make sure she's fresh and clean. So I don't really see what her issue is.

“It p****s me off!”

The resounding commentary from fellow mums in the forum was one of validation that this was odd behavior..

“That's creepy,” said one mum.

“Could she have OCD? Is she particular about her own hygiene? Maybe she's been doing this for years but you only notice when it is applied to your daughter?”

"Her behaviour is damaging"

Another suggested letting her MIL know immediately that it needed to stop.

“I would very, very firmly say to your MIL ‘please leave the bathroom or toilet - it is absolutely not okay for you to be in here with her’.

“Why the hell is she allowed in the toilet when you're there anyway?”

Another says it needs to go one step further as it could have lasting ramifications for her child: “I would be standing in front of the door saying 'no'. Tell her that her behaviour is at best weird, and at worst obsessive and damaging to the child.”

One kindly suggested it could be a cultural thing as many countries wash instead of using toilet paper and the mum confirms this is the case in their wider family.

In an update to the initial post, the mum says she has confronted her MIL about the overly intrusive washing situation.

“I said [to her], you seem like you're insinuating I don't wash my child,” the mum wrote.

"There's no need for this"

“Please stop talking about her toileting and washing. She's four now and there's no need for this and I feel like you're insinuating a lack of cleanliness.

“I told her that my daughter won't go to her house again if this is always the feedback.”

“My MIL got upset and cried and since then, she's stopped commenting on it,” she concluded.