My husband made an insane request of his ex wife about their child

"I watched in shock as he asked her ; I should have seen it as a red flag."

I always enjoyed watching the amicable co-parenting relationship my husband had with his ex.

They put their differences aside, and put their six-year-old daughter, first.

But one day, he went too far, and I was too naive at the time to recognise it as the major red flag it was.

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"I wasn't sure of what I was hearing"

By the time I met my husband, he'd had two kids with two women. (Yes, I was young and stupid and in love.)

But it all seemed under control, amicable, with my husband being as involved as possible in every way (again, I was stupid and young and in love).

What I realised later is that he was mostly a 'good time dad' - where he would expect to be allowed to put his social life, first, when it suited him.

It was during that time of his life that I met him, and it was a lot of fun. He got away with just calling the relevant mum and dictating his terms.

"Oh, we're so jet lagged from Paris, can you keep him an extra night?" he once told the mum of his son.

She was silently fuming - in retrospect, she'd just had their two-year-old alone for a week straight and dealing with her ex dumping his responsibilities must have been infuriating - but he got what he wanted.

The mum of his daughter was equally accommodating to his whims, until one day, she wasn't.

Dad plays the victim to get out of duties. Image: iStock

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We were on her doorstep, handing over the daughter as we were attending a lunch.

It was a day when we also had his two-year-old.

I thought we'd fully intended to take the child to the lunch, but my husband, it seemed, wanted to try his luck.

"Can you have Noah, too?" he asked.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Yes, the kids are brother and sister. Yes, we're all a 'big family'.

But asking the mum of his daughter to have his child from a separate relationship so could booze it up at lunch, was incredible.

"I should have seen it as a red flag"

Both his ex and I gasped.

"No, I will have my daughter whenever you don't want to, but you need to sort out your son."

She didn't mean that she didn't care about the boy and his relationship with her daughter. She meant that he needed to accept his responsibilities and if needed, sort it out with the mum of that child.

Or just in general, grow up.

I eventually went on to marry that man (again - stupid, young, in love etc), and we had a son.

I also eventually went on to (unsuprisingly) divorce him; but had learned a lot of lessons along the way.

The lesson I learned is that I'd never really be able to depend on him as an equal parent.

Originally published as My husband made an insane request of his ex wife about their child