My husband accused the nanny of insulting our 8yo

"Now he wants her fired, but I don't agree her comment was offensive."

Couple Jessica* and Theo* have had the same babysitter, Amelia*, look after their three children, aged 10, eight, and five, for many years.

Amelia has filled a few varying roles for the couple in that time, so it's safe to say she knows the kids, and the family well.

That's relevant because she's now been accused of 'insulting' the middle child.

Want to join the family? Sign up to our Kidspot newsletter for more stories like this. 

RELATED: Mum forced to pay $40 for child to attend friend’s party 

"She knows and loves our kids"

Taking to Reddit, Jessica says that Amelia's 'sweet spot' was 2022-2023 as she had her car and license, had games and activities planned for everyone, was always on time and prepared, and was generally more available and focused."

Jessica says she’s still fine now, but she just doesn’t always come with crafts and activities, can often be five to 10 minutes late, and more often than not orders takeaway for herself to their house, making the children jealous of her food. 

"It’s all manageable, and she still knows and loves our kids, and she’s very affordable," she adds.

However, over the years, Theo has grown increasingly frustrated with Amelia's behaviour.

Image: iStock

RELATED: I pay a babysitter to do school mornings

"She shouldn't have brought it up"

The final straw came recently when Amelia told the couple that she had just been diagnosed with autism - and that she thought their eight-year-old should get an assessment as they are "exactly alike."

"I never would’ve known Amelia had autism, but I’m definitely willing to get an assessment for my daughter," the mum admits. "But Theo saw it as rude and thinks she shouldn’t have brought it up unless we asked."

"He thinks it’s time to get a new sitter so I told him we can get a new sitter if he can find someone just as good as Amelia for the same rate as her. He says we can afford better than Amelia so we can spend more and get someone that will be focused on their work like Amelia used to be before she started uni and got another job."

The mum concluded her post, saying: "I know we can afford more, but I still want to stick with Amelia. So, AITA for telling my husband the only way we can replace Amelia is if we find someone as good as her for the same price?"

Introducing our new podcast: Mum Club! Listen and subscribe wherever you get your podcasts so you never miss an episode.

"It's not a rude comment"

In the comments, a lot of people agreed with Jessica about Amelia's opinion, and that her husband's reaction was disproportionate.

The top reply with 11k likes read: "NTA. First, Amelia has been your sitter for five years. Have your kids ever had another sitter consistently? As much as Amelia likes your children, your children are probably attached to Amelia. Amelia being replaced without a conversation with them explaining it would be difficult for them.

"The younger two are at an age where they may believe Amelia isn’t there because they did something wrong. They’re going to ask where she is and why she left. Your husband needs to be prepared with answers.

"Second, it’s very doubtful given that level of care that her stating a suspicion of your child being on the autism spectrum was done maliciously. Likely, Amelia went through a hard time when she was younger due to her autism. A lot of autistic girls on the minor end of the spectrum have their diagnosis missed well into adulthood.

"She’s probably drawn comparisons based on her experience and may be hoping to save your child the same path she took."

Someone responded to that, saying, "It would have saved me a lot of grief if one of the babysitters my parents used had told them they thought I was neurodivergent. I spent nearly twenty years trying to figure out what was wrong with me, only to figure out at last that it was AuDHD.

"I can only imagine how much easier it would have been for me if I’d been diagnosed earlier."

Then this person made the point: "Whether Amelia is correct or incorrect in her suspicion, it's not 'rude'... and, in fact, it's exactly what we want her to do. We don't want her keeping information about our children from us.

"She is in a position to see a different side of our children than we do, or see the same behaviors that we see in a different light. The absolute last thing we would want her to do is to keep those insights to herself... What if she saw warning signs of abuse or a physical illness that our child was successfully keeping hidden from us?

"We are the parents and ultimately, we are the ones who need to act on the information. Thinking Amelia should have kept it to herself is basically saying you are willing to abdicate the parental responsibility and let her decide what information is worth sharing."

Finally, someone concluded: "Your husband is being too sensitive and reactionary. And also, there's nothing wrong with being on the autism spectrum, so it's not a 'rude' comment."

What do you think? Tell us on Facebook.

Originally published as My husband accused the nanny of insulting our 8yo