My daughter got a therapy dog; I didn't expect he'd love me as well

"This is something new and different for me. To have 30 kilos of dog climb into my lap in a one-seater couch just to be close to me is pretty special," an Aussie mum tells Kidspot.

I’ve never been a dog person, having grown up with cats and had one most of my adult life. I never really understood dogs or got over my fear of them.

So how is it that now in my late forties, I finally have a dog?

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My path to a dog was through foster care

My foster daughter brought with her PTSD and a passionate love of all animals, but specifically dogs and horses.

Given the choice and expense, I started her support with a dog.

Every foster child is a surprise package, no matter what information is given by the social worker at the beginning. One of my discoveries was that due to early life experiences or lack of important input, my foster child has not yet developed object permanence.

Therapist, author and ex foster child Sarah Dillon writes powerfully about the developmental milestone which my foster daughter missed: “Object permanence typically starts to develop between 4 and 7 months of age and involves a baby’s understanding that even when they can’t see an object, it is still there. Before the baby understands this concept, things that leave his view have ceased to exist. Developing object permanence is a fundamental milestone.”

What this means to our daily life is that if I’m not in the room, my preteen thinks I’m dead. So she constantly talks to me, engaging with me from another room, checking in or starting to sing a song in order that I sing back the next line so she knows I’m still alive.

There is no quick fix to developing object permanence; it is only through parents consistently and predictably proving that they always come back that this milestone is achieved. When it doesn’t happen when it should back in babyhood, then the development is much slower and laboured.

We have been together six years and I am still unable to be in another room after sunset.

Until Angus.

Angus saved us. Image: supplied

"She can sleep in her own room again"

Our Therapy Guide dog arrived in February and he has managed to provide security and a felt safety for my child more than I have managed over all these years.

She can sleep in her own room again, with all 30+ kilos of dog curled up next to her bed.

She has been stepping up in confidence and independence as she deals with his prolific poos (with much dry heaving and complaining, but doing it nonetheless).

But what does Angus bring to me?

As well as getting back my bedroom and the freedom to go to the toilet alone, I am finally learning to slow down and accept what this animal has to offer me.

I’m sure all dog people knew this already, but I’m new to the party.

Initially when Angus came to sit in front of my couch, I was frightened at the intensity of his stare, and struggled to know what he wanted.

I would get up to divert him before he started barking at me.

I was extremely uncomfortable as I feel more confident interpreting the language of cats, quite apart from the fact that their size makes them much less intimidating than an adult labrador.

Recently Angus again came to sit in front of me and nuzzled my lap.

I stayed.

He had been fed and didn’t want anything.

Except me.

To be with me.

Tears sprang to my eyes at the sacredness of the moment.

Angus showed me a love I never knew. Image: supplied

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"To have his tail wag when I walk into a room is magic"

Yes, I have been lucky to experience the unconditional slightly neurotic adoration of a few rescue cats (and I still prefer cats for the therapeutic benefits of purring and soft snuggles), but this is something new and different for me.

To have thirty kilos of dog climb into my lap in a one-seater couch just to be close to me is pretty special.

To have his tail wag in delight whenever I return home or enter a room, magic. For someone living with the emotional push-pull of a child who cannot fully trust adults, experiencing this canine love is precious.

The damp kiss of his muzzle on my hand or the back of my knee as we walk, or his toothy smile as he meets my gaze while walking is something else. I initially found those teeth menacing but now realise it’s pure joy radiating.

I now find myself experiencing an unexpected benefit and gift courtesy of foster care. My gratitude to the Guide Dogs for their amazing Therapy Dog program is immense.

September is Therapy Dog Awareness Month.

Originally published as My daughter got a therapy dog; I didn't expect he'd love me as well