'It took years for my sons to be diagnosed. Now I think I have it too'

“We tell ourselves, ‘oh no, that's just how we are.’”

Bobbi Lockyer is a loving mum, a talented artist, and a photographer. She’s also a proud First Nations woman.

But there’s one thing the mother-of-four refuses to be defined by—a diagnosis.

It wasn’t until her sons were diagnosed as neurodivergent that she realised there was more to the traits she had considered normal her entire life.

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"He had a speech delay"

Bobbi had always suspected her eldest son, Sebastian, might be neurodivergent.

“My oldest son, he’s 16. But he didn't get his diagnosis until about two years ago,” Bobbi shared with Kidspot.

“When he was younger, I definitely had concerns, or you know, maybe suspected it. I also just thought, 'oh, but he gives eye contact'. I guess I kind of ignored the signs and thought, no, 'no, it's fine'.”

It wasn’t until her third son, Lawrence, 10, that the red flags became impossible to dismiss.

“He just wasn't doing things the same as his brothers. By the time he was two or three years old, I went and decided to get some help and see what our options were. He had a speech delay,” Bobbi explained.

The road to getting Lawrence—and eventually his brothers—an official diagnosis has been long, exhausting, and frustrating.

“I was always sort of pushed aside,” she said. 

Bobbi Lockyer with her husband and four boys. Image: Supplied.

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"I often felt like a terrible mum"

Doctors assured her that Lawrence would outgrow his speech delay.

She begged for something as simple as a referral—just one step that could start the process of getting an official diagnosis.

Living in a remote Western Australian community made access even more difficult.

It wasn’t until Lawrence was nine that he was finally diagnosed—after years of limited support.

“That was such a struggle, because I had to go through nine years of always trying to explain the way his brain worked,” she said.

During that time, the family treated Lawrence as though he were autistic.

Not to single him out—but to ensure his emotional needs were met.

But that didn’t always extend beyond their home.

“I felt like externally, like schools, they knew what we had told them. But, without a letter, without a formal diagnosis, there was no real support,” she explained.

It led to overwhelming mum guilt.

“I often felt like a terrible mum, because it was like, is my kid just being a bad kid or is he just misunderstood? That all changed as soon as we got the diagnosis letter. Everyone was more understanding and empathetic towards him,” she revealed.

Her eldest son and her youngest, August, 8, have since also been diagnosed as neurodivergent.

It made Bobbi start questioning her own brain and how it worked.

The more she spoke with specialists and paediatric doctors about her children, the more she recognised the same traits in herself.

She started noticing patterns that connected all of them.

“The more I sort of delved into it, the more I was like, actually, all these traits that my kids have, that define them as neurodivergent, are traits that I have,” she realised.

She’d had them all along—she just hadn’t recognised them.

“I think girls mask a lot more, and we're seen as quiet or focused, but we have all this sort of stuff internally,” she reasoned.

Image: Instagram/bobbilockyer

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"They kind of downplay what you're feeling"

Often she finds herself questioning the point in getting a diagnosis for herself.

“Sometimes I just think, is it even worth it?” she wonders.

“We tell ourselves, ‘oh no, that's just how we are.’”

Others reinforce that thinking, too.

“They tell you, but all mums are stressed, all mums overthink, all mums are overwhelmed, and they kind of downplay what you're feeling,” she said.

Now, she understands that ADHD doesn’t define a person—but knowing if you have it can help.

“It will help you to have more self-compassion for yourself. It will reduce that self-blame or that internalised shame,” she said.

Bobbi is still in the process of getting an official diagnosis—but she knows her puzzle is already complete with or without it.

“When I get my official diagnosis, it won't really change much for me. It would just validate how I've been repressing it,” she said.

Originally published as 'It took years for my sons to be diagnosed. Now I think I have it too'