I'm a SAHM - I'm not 'riding on your income': Mum reacts to husband's accusation

"Actually, your husband's been riding on your free maid, chef, and babysitter and childcare services," retorted one viewer in defense of the SAHM.

It's common that when one parent stays at home to raise the children, putting their career on the back burner, the other can dedicate their time to support the family - and  further their career.  

More often than not, it’s still the mother who stays at home in 2023.

And even if they also work outside of the home, they remain the primary carer and make sacrifices in order to have the flexibility for drop-offs, pick-ups, sick days, bedtime, meals; not to mention the ever growing to do list and carrying the mental load.

A recent study by Salary.com calculated that mums should earn on average at least $230,000 a year, working a whopping 96 hours a week. However, many partners who never left the workforce to have children, don’t see it that way - as one woman brutally discovered this week. 

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"You think you're justified"

Mum Julie captured the moment her husband revealed his true feelings about her being a SAHM - and posted it on Instagram. The video, with almost 5 million views, picks up mid-conversation with her husband, and father of her kids, saying, “You think you’re justified...” 

“I've been doing what, I’ve been doing what for 10 years?” Julie interjects.

“You’ve been riding my income for 10 years,” her husband replies. 

Julie retorts: "I’ve been riding on your income for 10 years being a stay-at-home mother, which you wanted me to be." The video then cuts out.

For context the original video came from Julie's TikTok, shared with the caption "When you catch patriarchy live in action. Sh*t is about the get real y’all. I have never posted publicly about the realities of my 10-year marriage. A lot of women are not okay but live in marriages like this and suffer silently.

"You should be worried about them."

Julie admits in another video that there was physical abuse in the beginning of their relationship and she didn't feel safe with him. After 12 years, Julie is leaving the marriage, which has caused her husband to further lash out at her, like he did in this video. 

A wife is accused of 'riding' off her husband's income as a SAHM. Source: TikTok

“He’s been riding on her free maid, chef, and babysitter services”

 Viewer reaction was quite heated. Many point out the financial abuse and coercion he is placing on her, as the sole breadwinner.  

“The audacity. The real reason he probably doesn’t want her to have a job is so he can use it as leverage against her in the future and make her rely on him,” one viewer wrote.

Another said: “I went through this. Quit my job to raise our kids, because he didn't think it would be worth it to pay for daycare. It was constantly thrown in my face that he made all the money and I was worthless because I didn't make any money.

"I've been happily divorced for over 10 years. No real man would ever make a woman feel this way."

“Men want full time housewives who also work a full-time job + splits the bills 50/50. Disgusting,” a third added. 

This person commented from experience: “When my dad asked my mum to stay home with us he gave her a salary to leave her job. If you want your kids to have their mum at home you have to be able to back it."

Finally, this viewer observed: “He’s been riding on her free maid, chef, and babysitter services." 

Julie, who posted the video, shares a life update. Source: TikTok

RELATED: My husband treated me like an ATM

There is a saving, not just spending! 

There were more brutal comments after the clip went viral.

“He thinks he’s doing you a favour by going to work and paying the bills, when you’re doing the majority of the work inside the house. At an income level of zero,” Shay (@shayyourlovediva) who had a similar experience, shares. 

So many women have to choose between having a career and having a family. But on the flip side, so many men are able to have a family and a career because there is a woman to stand by him. 

Sadly, ‘holding it all together’ isn’t considered a skill when it comes to returning to the workforce. And until being a stay-at-home parent is recognised as a job not an expectation, those men who say things like Julie's husband in this video, will continue to do so.  

The latest update Julie has posted is that she has served the divorce papers, after she found out her husband was hiding money, and took funds out of their joint account leaving her with nothing.  

Originally published as I'm a SAHM - I'm not 'riding on your income': Mum reacts to husband's accusation