‘I’m a mum of three but there’s one thing I just won’t do with my kids’

 “I refuse to add it to my list,” the mum writes.

Busy mum-of-three Caitlin Murray is done with the mum guilt:  in particular the guilt surrounding her unwillingness and disinterest in playing with her kids. 

The US based entrepreneur, podcaster and parenting influencer shared a post this week that resonated with a lot of other mums.

“I have three kids and have been a mom for ten years,” Caitlin posted to Instagram where she goes by the name 'big time adulting'.

“And I can count the number of times I’ve engaged in real ‘play’  with my kids on one hand…maybe both hands and a couple toes, but you get it, it’s RARE.

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Image: Instagram @bigtimeadulting

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"It bores me"

“I engage with my kids a lot. I talk with them (it’s one of the things I love most about them getting older), I joke with them, cuddle them, dance with them, do a puzzle, get active outdoors or play sports with them.”

But she says there are “pretty much zero circumstances” where she will ever engage in role play or imaginary play because she cannot stand it as she goes on to explain.

“It bores me to absolute drips and, to be honest, I do enough task-oriented things for my kids that I have to do, meals, clean up, laundry etc. and I refuse to add ‘play’ to that list.

“I simply do not enjoy it, and my energy is important to me. When and if they’ve asked me to play, I let them know in a soft way that it’s not something I do. They accept it and move on.”

Caitlin shares how when she has posted on this subject before she gets a lot of mixed feedback and some people are literally appalled by her “unwillingness” to play imaginary games with her kids. 

“Some people think it’s ‘sad’,” she writes.

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"I'm not interested in playing princesses"

“I, on the other hand, think it’s kind of normal for a grown woman not to be interested in playing princesses. If you enjoy imaginary play with your kids, that’s awesome - I hope both you and your children have wonderfully fond memories of it together.

“My point is not to take away from your experience. My point is, many of us become parents and are surprised by the parts of it we find less than appealing, and that’s ok. There is NEVER only one right way to do something.” 

She says that she has a great and solid relationship with her three “awesome” kids and that trusting her instincts is the most important thing.

“I hope more parents can find peace knowing there is no formula or script or way that you need to feel like you have to do things. 

“Your way will do just fine: Fuck the guilt,” she concludes in her now viral post.

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"Thank you for posting this"

While she says in the past she has received backlash for being so truthful about her dislike of play, the comments from other women mostly agree with her thoughts on the subject.

“Thank you so much for posting this,” one mum says.

“ I feel the same! I quite like doing activities with my kids - scavenger hunts, crafting, puzzles, board games etc. but playing pretend is just awful! 

“I just feel like I’m faking having fun, and that can’t be good? I don’t remember my mum doing it with me either, and she was a wonderful mum. I was quite happy with my own imagination as a kid and I feel like they should be too, or engage with each other or their friends at nursery instead of making me do it!”

Another woman agrees.

“I’m with you,” she writes.

“I will also not get on playground equipment with my kids. I don’t need to be their play director on top of everything else. They need the freedom to imagine and act out their own ideas, it all gets tainted with a grownup involved.”

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"I can't do it all"

A third is empathic to her approach.

“I feel you. I am their mom, their teacher, their comforter, their launderer, their chef. I can’t do it all. So I carefully choose the ones I am willing to be and I carefully find people to be in my village to provide the rest for them. ‘It takes a village’ is not just something to say - it’s real. 

“While, as mums, we have a lot of strengths, we need our village to fill in for our weaknesses and there is no shame in that!”

Originally published as ‘I’m a mum of three but there’s one thing I just won’t do with my kids’