I won't let my sister-in-law hold our baby and I won't change my mind

"This is a double-standard - why is she the only one making the rules?" the new dad ranted in a divisive post.

A new dad has found himself questioning whether his decision to deny his sister-in-law the opportunity to hold their newborn was justified or not.

But his strong stance wasn’t a personal attack on the SIL, but rather she was caught in the middle of a petty fight between the new parents and was used to prove a point.

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"I told her my wife and I aren't comfortable with anyone but us holding him"

Taking to a popular parenting forum, he asked, “AITA for Not Letting My Sister-in-Law Hold Our Baby?”

He explained that he and his wife had just brought home their newborn and his eldest son, fourteen, wanted to hold it. Note: it’s his son, not his wife's.

“My wife said no. She said she wasn't comfortable with anyone but us holding the baby yet. I wasn't happy about this, but I respect that, as a mum, she's anxious about how vulnerable our baby is. So I let it go,” he said. 

Continuing, the OP wrote: “Yesterday her sister came over and wanted to hold the baby. I said no, that my wife and I aren't comfortable with anyone but us holding him yet. My wife then said it was fine, that her sister was a special case. I said no, that I wasn't comfortable with it. Her sister was offended and left.

“My wife is angry with me and says I was an asshole to her sister. I think I am just being consistent. Was I an asshole to my sister-in-law?”

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"She can't make one rule for some and not for the others"

The post definitely divided opinions, racking up over 15k upvotes and 3.7k comments. 

“Thank you for standing up for your son. He is 14, not a toddler. The day prior she was not comfortable, but now it's fine for her sister?” the top comment, with 22k likes read. 

Another person agreed, saying: “NTA - Your wife can't make one rule for some and not for others.”

Then a third chimed in writing, “So, baby's sibling can't hold the baby, but auntie can? That's messed up.”

And a fourth commented, “Oh man if I were the son, this would make me very sad. glad the dad is standing up for his son. I’m comfortable with the boundaries that mum has made and would like to respect them BUT only if they were equal for everyone. I also understand if the son were 10 and under.”

“NTA. If your wife has a particular issue with the son she should come out and say it. Otherwise, OP is just maintaining the stated ground rules for engaging with baby,” weighed in another user. 

“NTA but dude, you need to really pay attention to what’s going on between your wife and your son. This looks like a big red flag to me,” pointed out another man.

And someone else bluntly stated: “You made a baby with someone who doesn’t love your son. Good luck.”

Originally published as I won't let my sister-in-law hold our baby and I won't change my mind